There we were, souls and bodies packed into a Texas church on the last night of our lives. Packed into a room just like this, but with creaky wooden pews draped in worn-down red fabric, with an organ to my left and a choir at my back and a baptism pool built into the wall behind them. A room like this, nonetheless. With the same great feelings of suspense, the same deep hopes for salvation, the same sweat in the palms and the same people in the back not paying attention.
我們身在那裡 靈魂和身體全塞在一間德州的教堂 度過我們生命的最後一晚 擠在一個像這樣的房間 但老舊的木長凳上 蓋著的是破損的紅布 而我左方是架管風琴 後方有唱詩班 唱詩班後面的牆後是個受洗池 儘管在這樣的空間 大家還是有著一樣強烈的信念 一樣打從心底地等待著救贖 手掌心同樣冒著汗 而坐在後排的人也一樣心不在焉
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
This was December 31, 1999, the night of the Second Coming of Christ, and the end of the world as I knew it. I had turned 12 that year and had reached the age of accountability. And once I stopped complaining about how unfair it was that Jesus would return as soon as I had to be accountable for all that I had done, I figured I had better get my house in order very quickly.
那是 1999 年的 12 月 31 日 是耶穌再臨的夜晚 也是我所認知的末日 我那年才 12 歲 剛到了問責的年紀 (指開始承擔原罪,對神負責) 而當我停止抱怨 在我剛開始問責 耶穌就將再臨是多麼的不公平時 我意識到我得趕快振作起來
So I went to church as often as I could. I listened for silence as anxiously as one might listen for noise, trying to be sure that the Lord hadn't pulled a fast one on me and decided to come back early.
所以我盡可能地去教堂 我專注並心焦地聆聽著靜默 如人感受著風吹草動般 我試著確定耶和華並不是在捉弄我 而選擇這麼早就再臨
And just in case he did, I built a backup plan, by reading the "Left Behind" books that were all the rage at the time. And I found in their pages that if I was not taken in the rapture at midnight, I had another shot. All I had to do was avoid taking the mark of the beast, fight off demons, plagues and the Antichrist himself. It would be hard --
而如果祂真的選擇這麼早再臨 我還有個備案 曾經紅極一時的書《末日迷蹤》 裡頭告訴我 如果我沒有在子夜時分被送到天堂 我就有機會賭一把 全部要做的就是避免拿到獸之印記 並打退惡魔和反基督教者 這可能有難度
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
but I knew I could do it.
但我確信我做得到
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But planning time was over now. It was 11:50pm. We had 10 minutes left, and my pastor called us out of the pews and down to the altar because he wanted to be praying when midnight struck. So every faction of the congregation took its place. The choir stayed in the choir stand, the deacons and their wives -- or the Baptist Bourgeoisie as I like to call them --
我已經沒時間計畫了 已經晚上 11:50 我們只剩 10 分鐘 牧師叫大家起身並到壇前 因為他想在子夜那時祈禱 所以眾教徒 各就定位 唱詩班留在原位 而副祭們和他們的老婆 我比較喜歡叫他們 浸信會的中產階級
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
took first position in front of the altar. You see, in America, even the Second Coming of Christ has a VIP section.
則坐在壇前第一排 如你所見,在美國 就算耶穌再臨也有 VIP 區
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
And right behind the Baptist Bourgeoisie were the elderly -- these men and women whose young backs had been bent under hot suns in the cotton fields of East Texas, and whose skin seemed to be burnt a creaseless noble brown, just like the clay of East Texas, and whose hopes and dreams for what life might become outside of East Texas had sometimes been bent and broken even further than their backs.
而在這群中產階級的後一排 是長者們 這群男女年輕時 在東德州的烈日下彎著腰 在棉花田裡工作 他們的皮膚被炙成了平滑高雅的棕色 就如同東德州的泥土 離開東德州過好生活 這樣的希望和夢想 已經殘破不堪 甚於他們的背
Yes, these men and women were the stars of the show for me. They had waited their whole lives for this moment, just as their medieval predecessors had longed for the end of the world, and just as my grandmother waited for the Oprah Winfrey Show to come on Channel 8 every day at 4 o'clock. And as she made her way to the altar, I snuck right in behind her, because I knew for sure that my grandmother was going to heaven. And I thought that if I held on to her hand during this prayer, I might go right on with her.
是的,這群男女 對我來說是今天的主角 他們等了一輩子就為了這一刻 猶如中世紀的先人期待末日 也像是我奶奶每天 4 點 切到第 8 台等歐普拉的秀一樣 當我奶奶走向壇前 我偷偷尾隨在她身後 因為我確知 我奶奶會去天堂 我想,如果我在禱告時握住她的手 我就能跟她一起去
So I held on and I closed my eyes to listen, to wait. And the prayers got louder. And the shouts of response to the call of the prayer went up higher even still. And the organ rolled on in to add the dirge. And the heat came on to add to the sweat. And my hand gripped firmer, so I wouldn't be the one left in the field. My eyes clenched tighter so I wouldn't see the wheat being separated from the chaff. And then a voice rang out above us: "Amen."
所以我緊握著手 閉上雙眼 聆聽 等待 禱告聲越來越大 此起彼落的呼聲 使禱告聲更為高亢 管風琴也加入彈頌哀歌 握熱的手心則冒著汗 我的手緊握 以免被留在凡間 我的雙眼緊閉 這樣才看不到麥子從糠中被分離 接著是一聲: 「阿門」
It was over. I looked at the clock. It was after midnight. I looked at the elder believers whose savior had not come, who were too proud to show any signs of disappointment, who had believed too much and for too long to start doubting now. But I was upset on their behalf. They had been duped, hoodwinked, bamboozled, and I had gone right along with them. I had prayed their prayers, I had yielded not to temptation as best I could. I had dipped my head not once, but twice in that snot-inducing baptism pool. I had believed. Now what?
一切都結束了 我看看時鐘 已經過了 12 點 我看向那群長者 他們的救世主沒來 他們因為驕傲而沒露出一絲的失望 他們相信得太深太久 如今也未曾質疑信仰 我對他們的反應感到心煩意亂 他們被騙了 被欺瞞、被哄騙 而我竟跟他們一起 我跟著禱告 我試著不被誘惑 我也不只一次,而是兩度 把頭浸入那讓人流鼻涕的受洗池 我曾深信不疑 現在呢?
I got home just in time to turn on the television and watch Peter Jennings announce the new millennium as it rolled in around the world. It struck me that it would have been strange anyway, for Jesus to come back again and again based on the different time zones.
我及時回家打開電視 看彼得.詹寧斯宣告 世界各地前後到來的千禧年 我突然意識到一件事 耶穌在不同時區不停地再臨 這樣的話太詭異了
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And this made me feel even more ridiculous -- hurt, really. But there on that night, I did not stop believing. I just believed a new thing: that it was possible not to believe. It was possible the answers I had were wrong, that the questions themselves were wrong. And now, where there was once a mountain of certitude, there was, running right down to its foundation, a spring of doubt, a spring that promised rivers.
而這讓我覺得荒謬 心很痛,真的 但我不是在那晚就不再相信 我只是相信了一件新的事情: 一個人也可以選擇不相信 可能我的答案是錯的 而問題本身也可能是錯的 只要有一座代表確信的山峰 就會有一條代表懷疑的小溪 而小溪往山腳流去 終會匯聚成河流
I can trace the whole drama of my life back to that night in that church when my savior did not come for me; when the thing I believed most certainly turned out to be, if not a lie, then not quite the truth. And even though most of you prepared for Y2K in a very different way, I'm convinced that you are here because some part of you has done the same thing that I have done since the dawn of this new century, since my mother left and my father stayed away and my Lord refused to come. And I held out my hand, reaching for something to believe in.
我可以將我的人生回溯到 那晚的教堂 救世主並沒有前來的那晚 當我所相信的事物很明顯地 就算不說是個謊言 也不能說是事實的時候 即便在座絕大多數可能 以不同的方式面對千禧年 但我相信仍有人跟我一樣 在這個新世紀的破曉時分 跟我做了一樣的事 自從我母親的離世 與父親的離去 以及主拒絕前來 我伸出我的手 試著探觸、 尋找一個能讓我相信的東西
I held on when I arrived at Yale at 18, with the faith that my journey from Oak Cliff, Texas was a chance to leave behind all the challenges I had known, the broken dreams and broken bodies I had seen. But when I found myself back home one winter break, with my face planted in the floor, my hands tied behind my back and a burglar's gun pressed to my head, I knew that even the best education couldn't save me.
我 18 歲時進了耶魯大學 心想離開了德州的奧克利夫 就能夠將我所知的困難 還有殘破的夢想、身形拋諸腦後 但當我寒假回家 臉被壓在地上 手被綁在背後 而竊賊的槍抵著我的腦門時 我知道即使最好的教育也救不了我
I held on when I showed up at Lehman Brothers as an intern in 2008.
2008 年當我在雷曼兄弟 當實習生時也在尋找
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So hopeful --
我充滿希望──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
that I called home to inform my family that we'd never be poor again.
我打回家告訴家人 我們不會再貧困了
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But as I witnessed this temple of finance come crashing down before my eyes, I knew that even the best job couldn't save me.
但我親眼見證金融聖殿 在我面前坍塌 我知道即便最好的工作也救不了我
I held on when I showed up in Washington DC as a young staffer, who had heard a voice call out from Illinois, saying, "It's been a long time coming, but in this election, change has come to America." But as the Congress ground to a halt and the country ripped at the seams and hope and change began to feel like a cruel joke, I knew that even the political second coming could not save me.
我在華盛頓特區當年輕職員時尋找 聽到來自伊利諾州的聲音 說:「大家等待很久了, 但在這次的選舉,美國將會改變。」 但國會仍停滯不前 而國家分崩離析 希望與改變對我來說 像是個殘酷的玩笑 我知道就算政治重來 也救不了我
I had knelt faithfully at the altar of the American Dream, praying to the gods of my time of success, and money, and power. But over and over again, midnight struck, and I opened my eyes to see that all of these gods were dead.
我虔誠地跪在美國夢的祭壇前 向上天祈禱屬於我的 成就 金錢 和權力 但一再地 子夜來臨,而我張眼 見到所有的神皆已死
And from that graveyard, I began the search once more, not because I was brave, but because I knew that I would either believe or I would die.
而從那個墓園 我決定再次尋找 不是因為我很勇敢 而是我知道我只能選擇相信 不然就是死亡
So I took a pilgrimage to yet another mecca, Harvard Business School --
所以我啟程 向我心目中的麥加朝聖 哈佛商學院
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
this time, knowing that I could not simply accept the salvation that it claimed to offer. No, I knew there'd be more work to do.
這次,我知道我不能單單接受 它們宣稱會提供的救贖 不,我知道我還有更多事情要做
The work began in the dark corner of a crowded party, in the late night of an early, miserable Cambridge winter, when three friends and I asked a question that young folks searching for something real have asked for a very long time: "What if we took a road trip?"
一切開始於一個熱鬧派對的黑暗角落 在劍橋初冬,一個令人憂愁的夜晚 三個朋友和我問了一個問題 那是作為年輕小夥子 尋求真諦 一直以來會問的問題 「如果我們去公路旅行怎麼樣?」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
We didn't know where'd we go or how we'd get there, but we knew we had to do it. Because all our lives we yearned, as Jack Kerouac wrote, to "sneak out into the night and disappear somewhere," and go find out what everybody was doing all over the country. So even though there were other voices who said that the risk was too great and the proof too thin, we went on anyhow.
我們不知道我們的目的地 也不知道怎麼去 但我們知道做就對了 我們嚮往的生活 就像傑克.凱魯亞克所寫的 「在夜幕低垂時偷跑出去, 並在某個地方消失無蹤」 看看這個國家的其他人 都在做些什麼 所以即便有人認為 風險太高憑據單薄 我們還是上路了
We went on 8,000 miles across America in the summer of 2013, through the cow pastures of Montana, through the desolation of Detroit, through the swamps of New Orleans, where we found and worked with men and women who were building small businesses that made purpose their bottom line. And having been trained at the West Point of capitalism, this struck us as a revolutionary idea.
我們在 2013 年的夏天 跨越了美國 8000 哩 經過了蒙大拿的牧場 經過了底特律的荒野 經過了紐奧良的沼澤 我們在那和人們相遇、共事 他們經營小事業 並將心中的理想置於首位 對哈佛商學院的我們來說 這真是革命性的想法
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And this idea spread, growing into a nonprofit called MBAs Across America, a movement that landed me here on this stage today. It spread because we found a great hunger in our generation for purpose, for meaning. It spread because we found countless entrepreneurs in the nooks and crannies of America who were creating jobs and changing lives and who needed a little help.
而這個理念最終 成長為一個叫《橫跨美國的 MBA》 的非營利組織 這也是我今天上台的動機 它因這個世代的渴望而散播 對目標、意義的渴望 它為了在美國角落和夾縫中 的企業家而散播 這些企業家創造了 工作和改變生活的機會 而他們需要一些幫助
But if I'm being honest, it also spread because I fought to spread it. There was no length to which I would not go to preach this gospel, to get more people to believe that we could bind the wounds of a broken country, one social business at a time. But it was this journey of evangelism that led me to the rather different gospel that I've come to share with you today.
但說實話 它也因為我的奮鬥而散播 為了傳這個福音 沒有什麼我不會做的 只為了讓更多人相信 我們可以用一個個社會企業 來包紮受傷的國家 也是這個福音的旅程 帶給我另一個不同的福音 也就是我今天要跟各位分享的故事
It began one evening almost a year ago at the Museum of Natural History in New York City, at a gala for alumni of Harvard Business School. Under a full-size replica of a whale, I sat with the titans of our time as they celebrated their peers and their good deeds. There was pride in a room where net worth and assets under management surpassed half a trillion dollars. We looked over all that we had made, and it was good.
大概是一年前的某個傍晚 在紐約的自然史博物館 哈佛商學院的校友聚會 在真實比例的鯨魚複製品下 我坐在我們這一代的巨人旁 他們慶祝他們的優秀事蹟 整個空間充滿自豪之感 他們的淨值和資產 就超過了 5000 億美元 我們細數所贏得的一切 感覺很好
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But it just so happened, two days later, I had to travel up the road to Harlem, where I found myself sitting in an urban farm that had once been a vacant lot, listening to a man named Tony tell me of the kids that showed up there every day. All of them lived below the poverty line. Many of them carried all of their belongings in a backpack to avoid losing them in a homeless shelter. Some of them came to Tony's program, called Harlem Grown, to get the only meal they had each day. Tony told me that he started Harlem Grown with money from his pension, after 20 years as a cab driver. He told me that he didn't give himself a salary, because despite success, the program struggled for resources. He told me that he would take any help that he could get. And I was there as that help.
但是 兩天之後 我旅行到了紐約哈林區 我坐在現代的農場 那裡曾是空地 聽著一個叫做東尼的男人 告訴我每天都會出現的孩子的故事 他們都活在貧窮門檻之下 很多人的背包就背著他所有的家當 避免在無家可歸的情況下失去它們 有些人加入了東尼的計畫 叫《哈林栽培》 來領取每天僅有的一餐 東尼創《哈林栽培》的資金 是他的養老金 他開了計程車 20 年 他告訴我他沒付自己薪水 因為儘管成功 計畫還是會缺資源 他說他接受任何 他能得到的幫助 而我就可以是那個幫助者
But as I left Tony, I felt the sting and salt of tears welling up in my eyes. I felt the weight of revelation that I could sit in one room on one night, where a few hundred people had half a trillion dollars, and another room, two days later, just 50 blocks up the road, where a man was going without a salary to get a child her only meal of the day.
但當我揮別東尼 我感到淚水的刺痛和鹹苦 從我眼中奪眶而出 我感受到了啟示的重量 我可以在一個晚上 和幾百個身價 5000 億的人共處一室 但兩天過後的另一個空間 就在 50 個街區外 有一個男人無薪地 給孩子一天的唯一一餐
And it wasn't the glaring inequality that made me want to cry, it wasn't the thought of hungry, homeless kids, it wasn't rage toward the one percent or pity toward the 99. No, I was disturbed because I had finally realized that I was the dialysis for a country that needed a kidney transplant. I realized that my story stood in for all those who were expected to pick themselves up by their bootstraps, even if they didn't have any boots; that my organization stood in for all the structural, systemic help that never went to Harlem or Appalachia or the Lower 9th Ward; that my voice stood in for all those voices that seemed too unlearned, too unwashed, too unaccommodated.
並不是這明顯的不平等讓我想哭 不是飢餓和無家可歸的孩子讓我想哭 也不是 1% 對上 可憐的 99% 讓我想哭 我不安是因為我終於意識到 我可以作為一台洗腎機 幫助這個亟需腎臟移植的國家 我意識到我的故事 幫助了那些想要白手起家的人 就算他們幾乎一無所有 我意識到我的機構 推動了結構性、系統性的援助 到達未曾觸及的哈林區 阿帕拉契或下九區 我意識到我的聲音幫助了那些 沒受教育、沒被洗禮、 難以適應社會者的聲音
And the shame of that, that shame washed over me like the shame of sitting in front of the television, watching Peter Jennings announce the new millennium again and again and again. I had been duped, hoodwinked, bamboozled. But this time, the false savior was me.
而那種羞赧 讓我覺得像是 那時坐在電視前的羞辱 看著彼得.詹寧斯宣告千禧年的到來 一次 一次 又一次 我那時被騙了 被欺瞞 被哄騙 但這次,我竟是 那位犯錯的救世主
You see, I've come a long way from that altar on the night I thought the world would end, from a world where people spoke in tongues and saw suffering as a necessary act of God and took a text to be infallible truth. Yes, I've come so far that I'm right back where I started.
如你所見 我走了很長的一段路 從那天晚上我以為 世界將要毀滅的祭壇 從那個存在各種方言的世界 人們視苦難為上帝的必要工作 並視一本書為萬無一失的真相 沒錯,我走了很長的一段路 並回到了最初的起點
Because it simply is not true to say that we live in an age of disbelief -- no, we believe today just as much as any time that came before. Some of us may believe in the prophecy of Brené Brown or Tony Robbins. We may believe in the bible of The New Yorker or the Harvard Business Review. We may believe most deeply when we worship right here at the church of TED, but we desperately want to believe, we need to believe. We speak in the tongues of charismatic leaders that promise to solve all our problems. We see suffering as a necessary act of the capitalism that is our god, we take the text of technological progress to be infallible truth. And we hardly realize the human price we pay when we fail to question one brick, because we fear it might shake our whole foundation.
要說我活在不相信的年代 明顯是錯的 不,我們跟以前一樣都相信著 我們有些人可能 相信布芮尼.布朗 或東尼.羅賓斯的「預言」 我們可能相信《紐約客》 或《哈佛商業評論》的「聖經」 我們可能更深信 這個 TED 的「教堂」 我們不顧一切地想要相信 我們需要去相信 我們成為那些保證 會解決問題的領袖的唇舌 我們視苦難為資本主義的必要因素 我們視科技進展 為萬無一失的真理 但我們鮮少發覺 那些未曾質疑的根本 將讓我們付出多少代價 因為我們怕它會撼動整座基石
But if you are disturbed by the unconscionable things that we have come to accept, then it must be questioning time. So I have not a gospel of disruption or innovation or a triple bottom line. I do not have a gospel of faith to share with you today, in fact. I have and I offer a gospel of doubt. The gospel of doubt does not ask that you stop believing, it asks that you believe a new thing: that it is possible not to believe. It is possible the answers we have are wrong, it is possible the questions themselves are wrong. Yes, the gospel of doubt means that it is possible that we, on this stage, in this room, are wrong. Because it raises the question, "Why?" With all the power that we hold in our hands, why are people still suffering so bad?
但若你對我們一直以來都接受、 不曾存疑的事情感到不安 那是時候懷疑了 所以我並沒有什麼關於顛覆、創新 或是商業價值的福音 也並沒有什麼 關於信念的福音要與你分享 我提供給各位的是存疑的禮讚 這並不是叫你不去相信 是教你相信一件新的事: 一個人也可以選擇不相信 有可能我們現有的解答是錯的 有可能問題本身是錯的 沒錯!存疑的禮讚 也代表了,我們 在這個舞台 在這個空間 都是錯的 因為這才能引出問題:「為什麼?」 我們手中已握有了這樣的力量 但為什麼人們還是受苦受難
This doubt leads me to share that we are putting my organization, MBAs Across America, out of business. We have shed our staff and closed our doors and we will share our model freely with anyone who sees their power to do this work without waiting for our permission. This doubt compels me to renounce the role of savior that some have placed on me, because our time is too short and our odds are too long to wait for second comings, when the truth is that there will be no miracles here.
這份懷疑讓我跟大家分享 我們要將我們的組織 《橫跨美國的 MBA》 帶出商業圈 我們解散員工並關閉大門 並會免費將我們的模式分享 給任何認為自己有能力 勝任這份工作的人 不用等我們許可 這份懷疑驅使我 拋棄別人加諸於我的 救世主的角色 因為我們的時間不多 而等待耶穌再臨的機會 又要等太久 而事實是這世上沒有奇蹟
And this doubt, it fuels me, it gives me hope that when our troubles overwhelm us, when the paths laid out for us seem to lead to our demise, when our healers bring no comfort to our wounds, it will not be our blind faith -- no, it will be our humble doubt that shines a little light into the darkness of our lives and of our world and lets us raise our voice to whisper or to shout or to say simply, very simply, "There must be another way."
這份懷疑,點燃了我 給我希望 當困境壟罩之時 當山窮水盡之時 當醫者都無法 減輕我們的痛苦時 支撐我們的不是盲目的信念 而是我們謙卑的懷疑 它將使我們人生的陰暗 撥雲見日 讓我們張嘴耳語 或張嘴吶喊 或只是單純 簡單地說出: 「一定還有別的解答」
Thank you.
謝謝大家
(Applause)
(掌聲)