There we were, souls and bodies packed into a Texas church on the last night of our lives. Packed into a room just like this, but with creaky wooden pews draped in worn-down red fabric, with an organ to my left and a choir at my back and a baptism pool built into the wall behind them. A room like this, nonetheless. With the same great feelings of suspense, the same deep hopes for salvation, the same sweat in the palms and the same people in the back not paying attention.
我们就在那儿。 灵魂和躯体挤在 一个德克萨斯州的教堂里, 那是我们人生最后一晚。 就像现在我们这个房间, 只不过那里都是吱呀响的木长凳, 挂着破烂的红布条, 风琴在我的左边, 唱诗班在我的背后, 还有个洗礼池建在后面的墙上。 总之就像这个房间。 同样强烈的悬疑之感, 同样深刻的对救赎的渴望, 掌心里同样酸涩的汗水, 后排还有同样一帮心不在焉的人。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
This was December 31, 1999, the night of the Second Coming of Christ, and the end of the world as I knew it. I had turned 12 that year and had reached the age of accountability. And once I stopped complaining about how unfair it was that Jesus would return as soon as I had to be accountable for all that I had done, I figured I had better get my house in order very quickly.
那是1999年的12月31日, 那一晚,就我所知, 基督复临人间,世界将临末日。 那时我12岁, 到了要负责任的年龄。 我发觉耶稣这时候回来 是如此不公平, 我正要为我之前所做的一切负责。 但当我停止抱怨的时候, 我想我最好赶紧把家里收拾整齐了。
So I went to church as often as I could. I listened for silence as anxiously as one might listen for noise, trying to be sure that the Lord hadn't pulled a fast one on me and decided to come back early.
我尽可能多去教堂。 我害怕四周一片寂静, 就像人害怕噪声一样, 只为反复地确认上帝没有耍我, 提早回来却把我给落下了。
And just in case he did, I built a backup plan, by reading the "Left Behind" books that were all the rage at the time. And I found in their pages that if I was not taken in the rapture at midnight, I had another shot. All I had to do was avoid taking the mark of the beast, fight off demons, plagues and the Antichrist himself. It would be hard --
但是万一他真的早来了, 我也有个后备方案, 是从风靡一时的 《末日迷踪》书里读到的。 我在文字中看到, 假如过了午夜的狂欢, 我却没有被带走, 我还有一次机会。 我只需要不被冠以异教徒之名, 击败恶魔,克服瘟疫, 还要打倒反基督者。 这会相当难——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
but I knew I could do it.
但是我相信自己能做到。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
But planning time was over now. It was 11:50pm. We had 10 minutes left, and my pastor called us out of the pews and down to the altar because he wanted to be praying when midnight struck. So every faction of the congregation took its place. The choir stayed in the choir stand, the deacons and their wives -- or the Baptist Bourgeoisie as I like to call them --
但是做准备的时间早过了。 已经是晚上11:50。 我们还剩10分钟, 牧师让我们从长凳上起身, 走到下面的圣坛, 因为他想让我们在 午夜来临的一刻一起祈祷。 于是会众分成几批, 到了指定位置。 唱诗班还在小舞台上, 教堂执事和他们的妻子—— 其实我更喜欢叫他们 “浸会资产阶级”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
took first position in front of the altar. You see, in America, even the Second Coming of Christ has a VIP section.
在圣坛前的第一排坐下。 你们知道,在美国, 即使是基督复临之夜 都有VIP专座的。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause)
(掌声)
And right behind the Baptist Bourgeoisie were the elderly -- these men and women whose young backs had been bent under hot suns in the cotton fields of East Texas, and whose skin seemed to be burnt a creaseless noble brown, just like the clay of East Texas, and whose hopes and dreams for what life might become outside of East Texas had sometimes been bent and broken even further than their backs.
而就在浸会资产阶级后面的, 是老一辈的人—— 这些男人女人年轻的背脊, 在东德州的棉花田里 被炽烈的阳光晒弯了, 沟壑纵横的面庞 被灼成了高贵的棕色, 就像东德州的陶土一样, 他们对东德州外的生活和世界 那些美好的幻想和梦境, 有时比他们的背脊更加残破。
Yes, these men and women were the stars of the show for me. They had waited their whole lives for this moment, just as their medieval predecessors had longed for the end of the world, and just as my grandmother waited for the Oprah Winfrey Show to come on Channel 8 every day at 4 o'clock. And as she made her way to the altar, I snuck right in behind her, because I knew for sure that my grandmother was going to heaven. And I thought that if I held on to her hand during this prayer, I might go right on with her.
是的——这些男人女人, 才是我的偶像、明星。 他们为了这一刻等了一辈子, 就像他们中世纪的先辈们 渴盼世界末日一样, 就像我的祖母渴盼 奥普拉脱口秀一样, 每天四点在第八频道准时播出。 当她走向圣坛时, 我悄悄溜到她身后, 因为我非常确信, 我的祖母是要上天堂的。 我想,假如我在这次祷告中 紧紧握住她的手, 我可能会跟她一起走。
So I held on and I closed my eyes to listen, to wait. And the prayers got louder. And the shouts of response to the call of the prayer went up higher even still. And the organ rolled on in to add the dirge. And the heat came on to add to the sweat. And my hand gripped firmer, so I wouldn't be the one left in the field. My eyes clenched tighter so I wouldn't see the wheat being separated from the chaff. And then a voice rang out above us: "Amen."
于是我抓紧了, 我合上双眼, 倾听, 等待。 祷告声更大了。 回应祷告声的叫喊 同样的更大了。 风琴响起,与挽歌的声音交织起来。 热浪席卷,手心的汗水更加酸涩。 我的手攥得更紧了, 我不想被上帝遗弃。 我的眼睛闭得更紧了, 我不想看到精华被带走, 糟粕被落下。 突然一个声音在头顶回响: “阿门。”
It was over. I looked at the clock. It was after midnight. I looked at the elder believers whose savior had not come, who were too proud to show any signs of disappointment, who had believed too much and for too long to start doubting now. But I was upset on their behalf. They had been duped, hoodwinked, bamboozled, and I had gone right along with them. I had prayed their prayers, I had yielded not to temptation as best I could. I had dipped my head not once, but twice in that snot-inducing baptism pool. I had believed. Now what?
结束了。 我看看钟。 已经过了午夜。 我看着长辈信徒们, 他们的救世主没来, 他们太骄傲,以至于 没有展现哪怕一丁点失落, 他们笃信得太深、太久, 现在再怀疑太迟了。 但是我为他们感到气愤。 他们被愚弄了, 被哄骗了,被迷惑了, 然而我还跟着他们一起受骗。 我做了他们做的祷告, 我努力地抵抗心中的欲望。 我不是一次,而是两次, 一头栽到那个让人感冒的洗礼池里。 我曾相信过。 现在怎么办?
I got home just in time to turn on the television and watch Peter Jennings announce the new millennium as it rolled in around the world. It struck me that it would have been strange anyway, for Jesus to come back again and again based on the different time zones.
我回家打开电视, 刚好赶上彼得·詹宁斯宣布新千年, 全世界都在欢庆新年。 我突然发觉,无论怎么想都很奇怪, 耶稣要一次又一次复临人间, 只是因为各地的时区不一样。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
And this made me feel even more ridiculous -- hurt, really. But there on that night, I did not stop believing. I just believed a new thing: that it was possible not to believe. It was possible the answers I had were wrong, that the questions themselves were wrong. And now, where there was once a mountain of certitude, there was, running right down to its foundation, a spring of doubt, a spring that promised rivers.
这让我心里感觉更加难受了, 挺受伤的,真的。 但就在那一夜,我没有停止相信。 我只是相信了另一件事: 就是“不相信也是可能的”。 很可能我所知的答案都是错的, 很可能问题本身就是错的。 现在,曾经耸立着的信仰的山峰, 有一股泉水一直流到山脚, 一股质疑的清泉, 它注定会成为大江大河。
I can trace the whole drama of my life back to that night in that church when my savior did not come for me; when the thing I believed most certainly turned out to be, if not a lie, then not quite the truth. And even though most of you prepared for Y2K in a very different way, I'm convinced that you are here because some part of you has done the same thing that I have done since the dawn of this new century, since my mother left and my father stayed away and my Lord refused to come. And I held out my hand, reaching for something to believe in.
我人生中所有的戏剧性故事, 都可以追溯回教堂里那一晚, 那时我的救世主没有到来; 我无比确信的事物, 如果不叫作“谎言”的话, 至少也不是什么真理。 虽然你们大部分人 迎接千禧年的方式大不相同, 我相信你们在这里, 就是因为你们有些人 做过与我一样的事情, 新世纪的开端之后的事, 我的母亲去世, 父亲离家出走之后的事, 我的救世主没来之后的事。 我伸出双手, 苦苦搜寻一丝能够相信的东西。
I held on when I arrived at Yale at 18, with the faith that my journey from Oak Cliff, Texas was a chance to leave behind all the challenges I had known, the broken dreams and broken bodies I had seen. But when I found myself back home one winter break, with my face planted in the floor, my hands tied behind my back and a burglar's gun pressed to my head, I knew that even the best education couldn't save me.
当我18岁时到耶鲁大学时, 我搜寻着, 我相信从德州的小镇一路走来, 我有机会摆脱一切 我所历经的困苦与艰难, 摆脱那些破碎的梦想、 残疾的躯体。 但当我在寒假回到家乡, 我的头被摁在地上, 双手被紧缚在身后, 强盗的手枪顶着我的脑袋, 我就知道,即使是 最好的教育也救不了我。
I held on when I showed up at Lehman Brothers as an intern in 2008.
当我2008年到雷曼兄弟实习时, 我也搜寻着。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
So hopeful --
充满希望——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
that I called home to inform my family that we'd never be poor again.
我兴奋地打电话给家人, 说我们永远不会再贫穷了。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
But as I witnessed this temple of finance come crashing down before my eyes, I knew that even the best job couldn't save me.
但当我眼睁睁看着 这座金融的圣殿 就在我眼前化作断壁残垣, 我就知道,即使是 最好的工作也救不了我。
I held on when I showed up in Washington DC as a young staffer, who had heard a voice call out from Illinois, saying, "It's been a long time coming, but in this election, change has come to America." But as the Congress ground to a halt and the country ripped at the seams and hope and change began to feel like a cruel joke, I knew that even the political second coming could not save me.
当我到华盛顿特区 做一个年轻记者时,我搜寻着, 我听见伊利诺伊州的一个声音: (指奥巴马竞选演说) “时间已经过了太久,” “但就在这次选举, 美国将迎来变革。” 但当议会工作彻底停滞, 国家几乎分崩离析, 所谓希望和变革 都变成了残酷的冷笑话, 我就知道,即使是 政治的新生也救不了我。
I had knelt faithfully at the altar of the American Dream, praying to the gods of my time of success, and money, and power. But over and over again, midnight struck, and I opened my eyes to see that all of these gods were dead.
我在美国梦的圣坛前 虔诚地跪拜着, 向时代的伟人们祈祷, 祈求成功, 祈求金钱, 祈求权势。 但是每一次, 午夜的钟声响起,我睁开双眼, 看见这些神话全都死去了。
And from that graveyard, I began the search once more, not because I was brave, but because I knew that I would either believe or I would die.
从这片坟墓里, 我再一次开始搜寻, 不是因为我很勇敢, 而是因为我知道,我如果没有信仰, 我就会死。
So I took a pilgrimage to yet another mecca, Harvard Business School --
所以我又到了另一处圣地去朝拜, 哈佛商学院——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
this time, knowing that I could not simply accept the salvation that it claimed to offer. No, I knew there'd be more work to do.
这一次,我知道 我不能简单地接受 学院所给予的救赎。 不,我知道我有更多事要做。
The work began in the dark corner of a crowded party, in the late night of an early, miserable Cambridge winter, when three friends and I asked a question that young folks searching for something real have asked for a very long time: "What if we took a road trip?"
一切始于拥挤的派对上的黑暗角落, 那是在麻省残酷的初冬的一个深夜, 我和三个朋友问了一个问题, 一些有真正追求的年轻人 长久以来都会问: “我们出去自驾游怎样?”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
We didn't know where'd we go or how we'd get there, but we knew we had to do it. Because all our lives we yearned, as Jack Kerouac wrote, to "sneak out into the night and disappear somewhere," and go find out what everybody was doing all over the country. So even though there were other voices who said that the risk was too great and the proof too thin, we went on anyhow.
我们不知道要去哪儿、怎么去, 但我们知道我们必须启程。 因为我们一生都渴求的, 就像杰克·凯鲁亚克写的: “潜入无尽的暗夜, 消失在遥远的天际。” 出去看看全国各地的人 都在干些什么。 所以即使有反对的声音, 说我们冒了太大的险, 也没什么收获, 我们还是启程了。
We went on 8,000 miles across America in the summer of 2013, through the cow pastures of Montana, through the desolation of Detroit, through the swamps of New Orleans, where we found and worked with men and women who were building small businesses that made purpose their bottom line. And having been trained at the West Point of capitalism, this struck us as a revolutionary idea.
我们在2013年夏天 跨美国旅行了13000公里, 走过蒙大拿的奶牛牧场, 走过底特律的废弃都市, 走过新奥尔良的沼泽湿地, 我们在那找到一些人, 为他们打工, 他们创办的小生意, 把实现目标作为底线。 在“资本主义的西点军校” 学习过后, 我们发觉这个想法简直是革命性的。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
And this idea spread, growing into a nonprofit called MBAs Across America, a movement that landed me here on this stage today. It spread because we found a great hunger in our generation for purpose, for meaning. It spread because we found countless entrepreneurs in the nooks and crannies of America who were creating jobs and changing lives and who needed a little help.
这个想法在传播, 最终成长为一个非营利组织, 名叫“工管硕士走遍美国”, 这也是我今天能够 站在台上的主要原因。 它能传播是因为 我们在这代人中发现了强烈的渴望, 渴望实现目标、人生价值。 它能传播是因为我们在 美国的旮旯角落里, 发现了无数的创业者, 他们创造工作岗位、 改变他人生命, 他们还需要一点点帮助。
But if I'm being honest, it also spread because I fought to spread it. There was no length to which I would not go to preach this gospel, to get more people to believe that we could bind the wounds of a broken country, one social business at a time. But it was this journey of evangelism that led me to the rather different gospel that I've come to share with you today.
但是说实话,它能够传播, 也因为我拼命地去传播。 为了传播这福音, 没有什么我不去做的事, 为了让更多人相信, 我们可以治愈 这个破碎的国家的伤口, 就依靠一个个小型企业。 但是就是这个福音传道的过程, 引导我获得一个不太一样的福音, 今天我就要与大家一起分享。
It began one evening almost a year ago at the Museum of Natural History in New York City, at a gala for alumni of Harvard Business School. Under a full-size replica of a whale, I sat with the titans of our time as they celebrated their peers and their good deeds. There was pride in a room where net worth and assets under management surpassed half a trillion dollars. We looked over all that we had made, and it was good.
大概在一年前的一个晚上开始, 我们在纽约的自然科学博物馆, 参加哈佛商学院的校友晚宴。 在一头鲸鱼的全尺寸模型底下, 我与这个时代的巨擘并排而坐, 他们歌颂着他们的同伴, 还有他们的伟业。 房间里满是自豪的气息, 这些人名下的资产总额 加起来超过了五千亿美金。 我们俯看一切的造物, 觉得这是善的。(《圣经》原文)
(Laughter)
(笑声)
But it just so happened, two days later, I had to travel up the road to Harlem, where I found myself sitting in an urban farm that had once been a vacant lot, listening to a man named Tony tell me of the kids that showed up there every day. All of them lived below the poverty line. Many of them carried all of their belongings in a backpack to avoid losing them in a homeless shelter. Some of them came to Tony's program, called Harlem Grown, to get the only meal they had each day. Tony told me that he started Harlem Grown with money from his pension, after 20 years as a cab driver. He told me that he didn't give himself a salary, because despite success, the program struggled for resources. He told me that he would take any help that he could get. And I was there as that help.
然而事情就这样发生了, 两天之后, 我去到纽约哈林区, 我坐在一个城市农场里, 那里曾是一片废弃停车场, 听一个名叫托尼的人 讲一些孩子的事, 他们每天都会到那儿去。 他们所有人都在贫困线以下。 很多人把自己一切的财物 都装在背包里, 生怕在收容所被别人偷走了。 有些人来到托尼的农场, 名字叫做“哈林成长”, 来获取他们每天唯一的一餐饭。 托尼告诉我,他启动“哈林成长” 靠的都是自己的养老金, 他当了20年的出租车司机。 他说他没给自己留一分钱, 因为虽然项目算是成功, 但资源还是极其匮乏。 他说,他所能找到的任何帮助, 他都会接受。 而我就是去帮助他的。
But as I left Tony, I felt the sting and salt of tears welling up in my eyes. I felt the weight of revelation that I could sit in one room on one night, where a few hundred people had half a trillion dollars, and another room, two days later, just 50 blocks up the road, where a man was going without a salary to get a child her only meal of the day.
但当我离开托尼时, 我心中一阵刺痛,泪水沾湿眼角。 我感受到了启迪的重担, 一天晚上我可以坐在房间里, 与价值五千亿美金的几百人 畅谈美好世界, 然而两天后的另一个房间里, 只有50个街区的距离, 一个没有薪水的男人 要为孩子提供每天唯一的一餐饭。
And it wasn't the glaring inequality that made me want to cry, it wasn't the thought of hungry, homeless kids, it wasn't rage toward the one percent or pity toward the 99. No, I was disturbed because I had finally realized that I was the dialysis for a country that needed a kidney transplant. I realized that my story stood in for all those who were expected to pick themselves up by their bootstraps, even if they didn't have any boots; that my organization stood in for all the structural, systemic help that never went to Harlem or Appalachia or the Lower 9th Ward; that my voice stood in for all those voices that seemed too unlearned, too unwashed, too unaccommodated.
然而不是这种刺眼的社会不平等 令我热泪盈眶, 也并不是这些 饥饿、无家可归的孩子们, 也不是对于1%的人的怒火, 或是对99%的人的怜悯。 不,我心中不能平静 是因为我终于意识到, 这个国家需要一次彻底变革, 而我只是小修小补而已。 我意识到,我的故事代表了一群人, 人们希望他们能够自力更生, 即使他们一穷二白; 我的组织所代表的, 是一切基础的、系统的帮助, 却从未到达哈林区, 或是阿巴拉契亚山区和 新奥尔良下九区; 我的呐喊代表了一些声音, 那些听起来毫无内涵、 未加修饰、格格不入的声音。
And the shame of that, that shame washed over me like the shame of sitting in front of the television, watching Peter Jennings announce the new millennium again and again and again. I had been duped, hoodwinked, bamboozled. But this time, the false savior was me.
而这种羞耻感, 这种羞耻感洗刷了我, 就像那时坐在电视机前的羞耻感, 看彼得·詹宁斯宣布新千年, 一遍, 一遍, 又一遍。 我被愚弄了, 被哄骗了, 被迷惑了, 但是这次,虚伪的救世主却是我自己。
You see, I've come a long way from that altar on the night I thought the world would end, from a world where people spoke in tongues and saw suffering as a necessary act of God and took a text to be infallible truth. Yes, I've come so far that I'm right back where I started.
你们知道,我从那个圣坛一路走来, 那个晚上我觉得世界要毁灭了, 从一个使用各种方言的小镇走来, 以为苦难是上帝给人类的恩赐, 还把它当作信条,当作永恒的真理。 是的,我的旅程太长了, 以至于我一路兜回了原点。
Because it simply is not true to say that we live in an age of disbelief -- no, we believe today just as much as any time that came before. Some of us may believe in the prophecy of Brené Brown or Tony Robbins. We may believe in the bible of The New Yorker or the Harvard Business Review. We may believe most deeply when we worship right here at the church of TED, but we desperately want to believe, we need to believe. We speak in the tongues of charismatic leaders that promise to solve all our problems. We see suffering as a necessary act of the capitalism that is our god, we take the text of technological progress to be infallible truth. And we hardly realize the human price we pay when we fail to question one brick, because we fear it might shake our whole foundation.
因为我们不能简单概括, 说这个时代没有信仰。 不,我们与以往任何时候一样 都在相信一些东西。 有些人可能会相信 布琳·布朗或是 托尼·罗宾斯的预言。 我们可能会相信 《纽约客》或是 《哈佛商业评论》的箴言。 我们可能无比的相信 我们在TED的教堂里 所崇拜的事物, 但我们极度地想得要信仰, 我们需要信仰。 我们模仿 魅力四射的领导者的言谈举止, 他们承诺解决人类一切问题。 我们觉得苦难是 资本主义“上帝”给我们的恩赐, 我们把科技发展当作信条, 当作永恒的真理。 但是我们从来没意识到 我们付出的人道的代价, 我们不会质疑一块砖头, 因为我们害怕整栋大楼都会倒塌。
But if you are disturbed by the unconscionable things that we have come to accept, then it must be questioning time. So I have not a gospel of disruption or innovation or a triple bottom line. I do not have a gospel of faith to share with you today, in fact. I have and I offer a gospel of doubt. The gospel of doubt does not ask that you stop believing, it asks that you believe a new thing: that it is possible not to believe. It is possible the answers we have are wrong, it is possible the questions themselves are wrong. Yes, the gospel of doubt means that it is possible that we, on this stage, in this room, are wrong. Because it raises the question, "Why?" With all the power that we hold in our hands, why are people still suffering so bad?
但如果你对我们习以为常的 这些违背天理的事情 感到心有不安, 质疑的时候就一定来临了。 所以我传布的福音 不是什么突破、创新, 或是可持续发展。 我甚至没有什么信仰的福音 要与大家分享。 我唯有的,就是质疑的福音。 质疑的福音不是让你停止相信, 它请求你相信一个新东西: “不相信也是可能的。” 很可能我们所知的答案都是错的, 很可能问题本身就是错的。 是的,质疑的福音可能意味着, 我们的存在,在这个舞台上, 在这个房间里, 全都错了。 因为它引出了一个问题: “为什么?” 我们手上拥有如此强大的力量, 为什么还有人在水深火热之中?
This doubt leads me to share that we are putting my organization, MBAs Across America, out of business. We have shed our staff and closed our doors and we will share our model freely with anyone who sees their power to do this work without waiting for our permission. This doubt compels me to renounce the role of savior that some have placed on me, because our time is too short and our odds are too long to wait for second comings, when the truth is that there will be no miracles here.
这种质疑让我做出了一个决定, 我创立的组织, “工管硕士走遍美国”, 要停止运营了。 我们已经解散了员工, 关门大吉了, 我们把这种模式向所有人开放, 只要他们觉得自己有能力去做, 就不需经过我们的批准。 这种质疑迫使我 摘掉别人扣在我头上的 “救世主”的帽子, 因为我们的人生太短,几率太低, 根本等不到基督复临, 事实就是,这世上是没有奇迹的。
And this doubt, it fuels me, it gives me hope that when our troubles overwhelm us, when the paths laid out for us seem to lead to our demise, when our healers bring no comfort to our wounds, it will not be our blind faith -- no, it will be our humble doubt that shines a little light into the darkness of our lives and of our world and lets us raise our voice to whisper or to shout or to say simply, very simply, "There must be another way."
而这种质疑,它驱动着我, 它给予我希望, 当困难即将压垮我们, 当命运的道路看似 要将我们引入歧途, 当我们的救世主无法治愈创伤, 并不是我们盲目的信仰, 而是我们简单的质疑, 会向我们生命和世界的黑暗中, 洒下一点点光明。 让我们轻声细语, 呐喊也行, 或是简单的说, 非常简单的说: “一定,还有另一条路。”
Thank you.
谢谢。
(Applause)
(掌声)