Eight years ago, I was haunted by an evil spirit.
Prije osam godina, opsjedao me zao duh.
I was 25 at the time, and I was living in a tiny house behind someone else's house in Los Angeles. It was this guest house, it had kind of been dilapidated, not taken care of for a long time. And one night, I was sitting there and I got this really spooky feeling, kind of the feeling like you're being watched. But no one was there except my two dogs, and they were just chewing their feet. And I looked around. No one was there. And I thought, OK, it's just my imagination. But the feeling just kept getting worse, and I started to feel this pressure in my chest, sort of like the feeling when you get bad news. But it started to sink lower and lower and almost hurt.
Tada sam imala 25 godina i živjela sam u malenoj kući iza nečije kuće u Los Angelesu. Bila je to gostinjska kuća, prilično trošna, dugo nije bila zbrinuta. Jedne sam noći sjedila i osjetila sam neki jeziv osjećaj, kao da me netko gleda. No nije bilo nikoga osim moja dva psa, a oni su samo grizli svoje noge. Pogledala sam oko sebe. Nije bilo nikoga. Mislila sam: OK, to je samo moja mašta. No osjećaj se samo pogoršavao, i počela sam osjećati nekakav pritisak u prsima, poput osjećaja koji dobiješ kad čuješ loše vijesti. No počeo se sve više spuštati i skoro boljeti.
And over the course of that week, this feeling got worse and worse, and I started to become convinced that something was there in my little guest house, haunting me.
Kroz taj tjedan, osjećaj se samo pogoršavao, pa sam postala uvjerena da je nešto tamo u mojoj malenoj gostinjskoj kući, da me opsjeda.
And I started to hear these sounds, this "whoosh," kind of whisper, like something passing through me. I called my best friend, Claire, and said, "I know this is going to sound crazy, but, um ... I think there's a ghost in my house, and I need to get rid of it." And she said -- she's very open-minded -- and she said, "I don't think you're crazy. I think you just need to do a cleansing ritual."
Počela sam čuti zvukove, nekakav "whoosh", poput šapta, kao da nešto prolazi kroz mene. Nazvala sam svoju najbolju prijateljicu, Claire, i rekla, "Znam da će ovo zvučati ludo, no, hm ... mislim da je duh u mojoj kući, i moram ga se riješiti." A ona je rekla -- ima vrlo otvoren um -- i reče, "Ne mislim da si luda. Mislim da bi trebala napraviti ritual pročišćenja."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
"So get some sage and burn it, and tell it to go away."
"Nabavi kadulju, zapali ju, i reci duhu da ode."
So I said, "OK," and I went and I bought sage. I had never done this before, so I set the sage on fire, waved it about, and said, "Go away! This is my house! I live here. You don't live here!" But the feeling stayed. Nothing got better. And then I started to think, OK, well now this thing is probably just laughing at me, because it hasn't left, and I probably just look like this impotent, powerless thing that couldn't get it to go away.
Rekla sam, "OK," pa otišla i kupila kadulju. Nikad to prije nisam radila, pa sam zapalila kadulju, mahala njome i rekla, "Odlazi! Ovo je moja kuća! Ja tu živim. Ti tu ne živiš!" No osjećaj je ostao. Ništa se nije poboljšalo. Onda sam pomislila, OK, sad mi se ova stvar vjerojatno samo smije jer nije otišao, a ja samo izgledam kao nesposobno, nemoćno biće koje ga nije moglo otjerati.
So every day I'd come home and you guys, this feeling got so bad that -- I mean, I'm laughing at it now -- but I would sit there in bed and cry every night. And the feeling on my chest got worse and worse. It was physically painful. And I even went to a psychiatrist and tried to get her to prescribe me medicine, and she wouldn't just because I don't have schizophrenia, OK.
Svaki dan bih došla kući i, taj bi osjećaj bio tako loš -- sad se tome smijem -- no sjedila bih ondje u krevetu i svake noći plakala. A osjećaj u mojim prsima samo se pogoršavao. Bilo je fizički bolno. Čak sam otišla psihijatru i pitala ju da mi napiše recept za lijek, a ona je rekla da neće samo jer nemam šizofreniju, OK.
(Laughter) So finally I got on the internet, and I Googled "hauntings." And I came upon this forum of ghost hunters. But these were a special kind of ghost hunters -- they were skeptics. They believed that every case of ghosts that they had investigated so far had been explained away by science. And I was like, "OK, smart guys, this is what's happening to me, and if you have an explanation for me, I would love to hear it."
(Smijeh) Napokon sam otišla na internet i potražila na Googlu "opsjedanja." Naišla sam na forum lovaca na duhove. No bili su posebna vrsta lovaca na duhove -- bili su skeptici. Vjerovali su da je svaki slučaj koji su do tad istraživali mogao biti objašnjen znanošću. Pa sam rekla, "OK, pametni ljudi, ovo mi se događa, ako imate nekakvo objašnjenje, voljela bih ga čuti."
And one of them said, "OK. Um, have you heard of carbon monoxide poisoning?"
I jedan od njih reče, "OK. Hm, jesi li čula za trovanje ugljikovim monoksidom?"
And I said, "Yeah. Like, gas poisoning?"
I rekoh, "Da. Nešto kao trovanje plinom?"
Carbon monoxide poisoning is when you have a gas leak leaking into your home. I looked it up, and the symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning include a pressure on your chest, auditory hallucinations -- whoosh -- and an unexplained feeling of dread. So that night, I called the gas company. I said, "I have an emergency. I need you to come out. I don't want to get into the story now, but I need you to come out."
Do trovanja ugljikovim monoksidom dođe kad plin curi u tvom domu. Malo sam istraživala, i simptomi trovanja ugljikovim monoksidom uključuju pritisak u prsima, zvučne halucinacije -- whoosh -- i neobjašnjeni osjećaj straha. Te noći nazvala sam tvrtku za plin. Rekoh, "Imam hitan slučaj. Mislim da trebate doći. Ne želim sad objašnjavati priču, no stvarno trebate doći."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
They came out. I said, "I suspect a gas leak." They brought their carbon monoxide detector, and the man said, "It's a really good thing that you called us tonight, because you could have been dead very soon."
Došli su. Rekoh, "Vjerujem da postoji curenje plina." Donijeli su svoj detektor ugljikova monoksida, i čovjek reče, "Stvarno je dobro da ste nas večeras pozvali, jer biste u suprotnom ubrzo bili mrtvi."
Thirty-seven percent of Americans believe in haunted houses, and I wonder how many of them have been in one and how many of them have been in danger.
37% Amerikanaca vjeruje da žive u ukletim kućama, i pitam se koji stvarno žive u jednoj, a koji su u opasnosti.
So that haunting story has led me to my job. I'm an investigator, and I'm an investigator in two senses: I'm an investigative journalist, and I'm also an investigator of the claims of the paranormal and claims of the spiritual. And that means a few things. Sometimes that means that I'm pretending to need an exorcism so I can get -- yes, that's right! -- so I can go to an exorcist and see if he's using gimmicks or psychological tricks to try to convince someone that they're possessed. Sometimes that means I'm going undercover in a fringe group which I report on for a podcast that I co-host. And I've done over 70 investigations like this with my co-host, Ross. I would love to tell you that nine times out of 10, science wins, saves the day, it's all explained. That's not true. The truth is, 10 times out of 10, science wins, it saves the day.
Ta priča o opsjedanju dovela me do mog posla. Istražiteljica sam, i to u dva smisla: Istražiteljska sam novinarka, no također sam i istražitelj paranormalnog i duhovnog. A to znači par stvari. Nekad se pravim da mi treba egzorcizam da mogu -- da, tako je! -- da mogu otići egzorcistu i vidjeti koristi li iluzije ili psihološke trikove kako bi nekog uvjerio da je opsjednut. Nekad to znači da se pravim kako sam dio marginalne grupe o čemu onda izvještavam za podcast na kojem sam jedna od voditeljica. Napravila sam više od 70 takvih istraga s drugim voditeljem, Rossom. Voljela bih vam reći da znanost pobjeđuje 9 puta od 10, spašava dan, sve objašnjava. To nije istina. Istina je da znanost pobjeđuje, spašava dan, u svih 10 slučajeva.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
And that doesn't mean there's no such thing as a mystery. Of course there are mysteries, but a mystery is a mystery. It is not a ghost.
To ne znači da misteriji ne postoje. Naravno da postoje, no misterij je misterij. Nije duh.
Now, I believe there are two kinds of truth, and it's taken me a while to get to this place, but I think this is right, so hear me out. I think there is outer truth and there's inner truth. So if you say to me, "There was a man named Jesus and he once existed," that's outer truth, right? And we can go and look at the historical record. We can determine whether that seems to be true. And I would argue, it does seem to be true. If you say, "Jesus rose from the dead," -- ooh, trickier.
Vjerujem da postoje dvije vrste istine, i trebalo mi je vremena da do ovdje dođem, no mislim da je ispravno, pa me poslušajte. Mislim da postoji vanjska istina i unutarnja istina. Ako mi kažeš, "Isus je nekoć postojao," to je vanjska istina, zar ne? Možemo pregledati povijesne zapise. Možemo odrediti čini li se to istinitim. Ja bih rekla, čini se istinitim. Ako kažeš, "Isus je iskrsnuo iz mrtvih," -- ooh, još teže.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I would say that's an outer-truth claim, because he physically rose or he didn't. I'm not going to get into whether he rose or he didn't, but I would say that's an outer-truth claim. It happened or it didn't happen. But if you say, "I don't care whether he rose from the dead. It's symbolically important to me, and that metaphor is so meaningful, so purposeful to me, and I'm not going to try to persuade you of it," now you've moved it from outer truth to inner truth, from science to art. And I think we have a tendency to not be clear about this, to try to move our inner truths to outer truths, or to not be fair about it to each other, and when people are telling us their inner truths, to try to make them defend them by outer-truth standards.
Rekla bih da je to tvrdnja vanjske istine, jer je ili fizički uskrsnuo, ili nije. Neću ulaziti u to je li ili nije uskrsnuo, no rekla bih da je to tvrdnja vanjske istine. Ili se dogodilo, ili nije. No ako kažeš, "Nije me briga je li uskrsnuo. Simbolički mi je važno, ta mi je metafora tako značajna, tako bitna da te neću ni probati uvjeravati u suprotno," sad si se pomaknuo iz vanjske istine u unutarnju, iz znanosti u umjetnost. Često imamo sklonost ne razlikovati ih, pokušavamo pomaknuti svoje unutarnje u vanjske istine, ili nismo iskreni prema drugima, pa, kad nam drugi govore svoje unutarnje istine, tražimo da ih brane standardima za vanjske istine.
So I'm talking here about outer truth, about objective things. And there was an objective reality in my haunted house, right? Now that I've told you about the gas leak, I doubt a single person here would be like, "I still think there was a ghost, too" --
Govorim o vanjskoj istini, o objektivnim stvarima. Postoji objektivna stvarnost u mojoj ukletoj kući, zar ne? Kad sam vam rekla o curenju plina, sumnjam da netko još uvijek govori, "Još uvijek mislim da se radi o duhu" --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
because as soon as we have these scientific explanations, we know to give up the ghost. We use these things as stopgaps for things that we can't explain. We don't believe them because of evidence; we believe them because of a lack of evidence.
jer čim imamo ova znanstvena objašnjenja, znamo da trebamo otpisati duha. Sve to koristimo kao privremena sredstva za ono što ne možemo objasniti. Ne vjerujemo u njih zbog dokaza; vjerujemo u njih zbog manjka dokaza.
So there is a group in Los Angeles called the Independent Investigations Group, or the IIG, and they do great work. They'll give a $10,000 prize to anyone who can show, under scientific conditions, that they have a paranormal ability. No one's done it yet, but they've had a couple people who claim that they were clairaudients, which means that they can hear voices either from the great beyond or they can read minds. And they had one person who was very sincere, who believed that he could read minds. So they set up a test with him, and this is the way it always works. The group says, "OK, we have a protocol, we have a way to scientifically test this. Do you agree with it?" The person says yes. Then they test it. It's very important that both sides agree. They did that, they tested him. They said, "OK, you know what? You weren't able to predict what Lisa was thinking. It matched up about the same as chance. Looks like you don't have the power."
Postoji jedna skupina u Los Angelesu, Neovisna Istraživačka Grupa, ili NIG, i čine odlične stvari. Dat će nagradu od 10,000 dolara onom tko može dokazati, pod znanstvenim uvjetima, da imaju paranormalnu sposobnost. Nitko još nije uspio, no bilo je nekoliko ljudi koji tvrde da imaju nadsluh, što znači da čuju glasove iz zagrobnog života ili da mogu čitati misli. Imali su jednu jako iskrenu osobu koja je vjerovala da može čitati misli. Dogovorili su test s njim i uvijek funkcionira ovako. Grupa kaže, "OK, imamo protokol, testirat ćemo ovo na znanstveni način. Slažeš li se s tim?" Osoba pristane. Onda ju testiraju. Vrlo je bitno da se obje strane slože. Napravili su to, testirali su ga. Rekli su, "OK, znaš što? Nisi mogao predvidjeti o čemu Lisa razmišlja. Podudaralo se s vjerojatnošću. Izgleda da nemaš moć."
And that gave them the opportunity to compassionately sit down with him and have a very difficult discussion, which basically amounted to, "Hey, we know you're sincere, and what that means is, you do hear something in your head."
To im je, ipak, dalo priliku da sjednu i imaju težak razgovor s njim, koji je, otprilike, bio ovakav, "Hej, znamo da si iskren, što znači da stvarno čuješ nešto u glavi."
And that guy got to make the very difficult decision, but really the life-changing decision about whether to go get help. We're actually helping people to make these connections that maybe before seemed like otherworldly explanations, help draw us into reality and maybe change our lives for the better.
Taj je čovjek morao donijeti tešku, ali transformativnu odluku o potražnji pomoći. Pomažemo ljudima u povezivanju onog za što su mislili da postoje nadzemaljska objašnjenja. pomažemo dovesti se u stvarnost, a možda i promijeniti svoje živote nabolje.
Now, on the other hand, maybe one time it'll turn out to be true. Maybe we'll find out there are ghosts, and holy shit, it will be the best thing! And every time I do one of these investigations, I still get so excited, and I'm like 75 into them, and still I swear on number 76, I'm going to be like, "This is the one!"
S druge strane, možda će jednom biti istina. Možda ćemo otkriti da duhovi postoje, i dovraga, bit će tako dobro! Svaki put kad imam novu istragu, tako sam uzbuđena, čak i ako sam ih već imala 75, vjerujem u 76., mislim, "To je ona prava!"
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Maybe I'm just eternally optimistic, but I hope I never lose this hope, and I invite you to take this same attitude when people share their outer beliefs with you. When talking about testable claims, respect them enough to ask these good questions. Challenge and see how you can examine them together, because there's this idea that you can't respect a belief and still challenge it, but that's not true. When we jiggle the lock, when we test the claim, we're saying, OK, I respect you, I'm listening to what you're saying, I'm going to test it out with you. We've all had that experience where you're telling someone something, and they're like, "Oh, that's really interesting, yeah," you know you're being had. But when someone says, "Really? Huh. Sounds a little sketchy to me, but I'm listening," you at least know you're being engaged and respected. And that's the kind of attitude we should have with these claims. That's showing someone that you care what they're saying. That's respect.
Možda sam trajno optimistična, no nadam se da nikad neću izgubiti nadu, i pozivam vas da preuzmete isti stav kad ljudi dijele svoja vanjska vjerovanja s vama. Kad govore o tvrdnjama koje je moguće provjeriti, poštuj ih dovoljno da postaviš dobra pitanja. Izazovi i vidi kako to možete zajednički ispitati, jer postoji ta ideja da ne možeš poštovati vjerovanje i istovremeno ga propitkivati, ali to nije istina. Kad nešto probamo, kad ispitujemo tvrdnju, time kažemo, OK, poštujem te, slušam što govoriš, ispitati ću to s tobom. Svi smo doživjeli da nekome nešto govorimo a da oni reagiraju s, "O, to je stvarno zanimljivo, da," znaš da te varaju. Ali kad netko kaže, "Stvarno? Hm. Zvuči nedovršeno, ali slušam te," bar znaš da te uključuju i poštuju. Takav stav trebamo imati prema ovim tvrdnjama. To pokazuje nekome da mariš za ono o čemu govore. To je poštovanje.
Now, yes, most of these searches will come up empty, but that's how all of science works. Every cure for cancer so far has not panned out, but we don't stop looking, for two reasons. Because number one, the answer matters. Whether it's looking at the afterlife or the paranormal or the cure for cancer, it all amounts to the same question: How long will we be here?
I da, većina će potraga biti neuspješna, no znanost je takva. Nijedan dosadašnji lijek za rak nije uspio, no ne prestajemo tražiti zbog dva razloga. Prvi je: odgovor je važan. Tražimo li zagrobni život, paranormalno ili lijek za rak, sve dolazi do istog pitanja: Koliko ćemo biti tu?
And two, because looking for the truth, being open-minded, and being willing to be wrong and to change your whole worldview is awe-inspiring.
I drugi, jer tražiti istinu, biti otvorena uma, i biti spreman biti u krivu i promijeniti cijeli svoj svjetonazor, izaziva nadahnuće.
I still get excited at ghost stories every single time. I still consider that every group I join might be right, and I hope I never lose that hope. Let's all never lose that hope, because searching for what's out there helps us understand what's in here. And also, please have a carbon monoxide detector in your home.
Još uvijek sam uzbuđena kad čujem priče o duhovima. Još uvijek smatram da svaka grupa kojoj se pridružim može biti u pravu, i nadam se da nikad neću izgubiti tu nadu. Nemojmo nikad izgubiti nadu, jer tražiti nešto vani pomaže nam shvatiti što je unutra. I, molim vas, imajte detektor ugljikova monoksida doma.
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)