"Look at me!"
Begira nazazu!
That phrase turned me into an eye-contact coach. I'm the mother of Ivan; he's 15 years old. Ivan has autism, he doesn't speak, and he communicates through an iPad, where his whole universe of words exists in images.
Hitz honekin bihurtu nintzen begiraden entrenatzaile. Ivan-en ama naiz, 15 urte dituena. Ivan-ek autismoa du, ez du hitzik egiten eta iPad baten bitartez komunikatzen da, non bere hitzen unibertsoa irudietan dagoen.
He was diagnosed when he was two and a half. I still remember that day painfully. My husband and I felt really lost; we didn't know where to begin. There was no internet, you couldn't Google information, so we made those first steps out of sheer intuition.
Diagnosia bi urte eta erdi zituenean jaso genuen, eta gaur egun oraindik, min handiz gogoratzen dut momentu hura. Senarrak eta biok oso galduta ikusten genuen gure burua. Ez genekien nondik hasi. Ez zegoen Internetik gaur egun bezala, ezin zen Google-en informaziorik bilatu, eta beraz lehen urrats haiek, intuizio hutsa izan ziren.
Ivan would not maintain eye contact, he had lost the words that he did know, and he didn't respond to his name or to anything we asked him, as if words were noise. The only way I could know what was going on with him, what he felt, was looking him in the eye. But that bridge was broken.
Ivan-ek ez zuen begirada eusten, esan ohi zituen hitzak galdu zituen, ez zion bere izenari erantzuten ezta eska geniezaiokeen edozerri ere, hitzak zaratak izango balira bezala zen. Nik neukan modu bakarra zer gertatzen zitzaion jakiteko, sentitzen zuena, begietara begiratzea zen. Baina zubi hori puskatua zegoen.
How could I teach him about life? When I did things he liked, he would look at me, and we were connected. So I dedicated myself to working with him on those things, so we would have more and more eye-contact moments. We would spend hours and hours playing tag with his older sister, Alexia, and when we said: "I caught you!" he would look around for us, and at that moment, I could feel he was alive.
Nola erakutsi bizitza Ivan-i? Gustuko zituen gauzak egiten nituenean, orduan bai, begiratzen zidan; eta elkarrekin geunden. Hortaz, horretan jarraitu nuen, gero eta begirada une gehiago egon zitezen. Orduak ematen genituen "orbanera jolasten", bere arreba nagusiarekin, Alexia, eta "Ai! Arrapatu zaitut!" txanda horietan begiradarekin bilatzen zigun, eta nik, une horretan, bizirik zegoela sentitzen nuen.
We also hold a record for hours spent in a swimming pool. Ivan always had a passion for water. I remember when he was two and a half, on a rainy winter day, I was taking him to an indoor pool, because even on rainy days we'd go swimming. We were on the highway, and I took the wrong exit. He burst into tears and cried inconsolably, nonstop, until I turned back. Only then did he calm down.
Baita ere, igerilekuan emandako orduen errekorra daukagu. Ivanek beti izan zuen urarekiko izugarrizko grina. Gogoratzen naiz bi urte eta erdi zituela, eta neguko egun euritsu batean, igerileku estali batera neraman, egun horietan ere ez bait genion joateari uzten. Autobidean zehar gindoazen, eta irteeraz nahastu nintzen. Eta bertan negarrez hasi zen, atsekabe handiz, geratu gabe bide egokia berrartu nuen arte eta orduan, baretu zen.
How was it possible that a two and a half year old didn't respond to his own name, yet in the middle of the rain and fog, where I couldn't see anything, he knew the exact route? That's when I realized that Ivan had an exceptional visual memory, and that that would be my way in.
Nola liteke posible, bi urte eta erdirekin ez erantzutea bere izenari, baina euri eta laino hartan, ni ezer ikusteko gai ez nintzen hartan, bera bidea ezagutzeko gai izatea? Orduan konturatu nintzen Ivan-ek izugarrizko ikus-oroimena zuela, eta hori izango zela nire sarrera.
So I started taking pictures of everything, and teaching him what life was like, showing it to him, picture by picture. Even now, it's the way Ivan communicates what he wants, what he needs and also what he feels.
Beraz guztiari argazkiak ateratzen hasi nintzen, eta horrela bizitza erakusten, argazkiak erakutsiz, bata bestaren ondoren. Eta egun oraindik, modu honen bitartez azaltzen digu Ivan-ek nahi duena, behar duena, eta, baita sentitzen duena ere.
But it wasn't just Ivan's eye contact that mattered. Everyone else's did, too. How could I make people see not only his autism, but see him the person and everything he can give; everything he can do; the things he likes and doesn't like, just like any one of us? But for that, I also had to give of myself. I had to have the strength to let him go, which was extremely difficult.
Baina ez zegoen solik Ivan-en begiradan. Beste guztien begiradan ere bazegoen. Nola lortu bere autismoari soilik ez begiratzea, baizik eta berari ere begiratzea, eman dezakeen guztiarekin? Egin dezakeen guztiarekin? Gustuko dituen gauzekin, gustuko ez dituenekin, gutako edonorri bezala. Baina horretarako, nik ere nire aldetik jarri behar nuen. Bera askatzera animatu behar nintzen. Eta izugarri kostatzen zitzaidan.
Ivan was 11 years old, and he went for treatment in a neighborhood near our house. One afternoon, while I was waiting for him, I went into a greengrocer, a typical neighborhood store with a little bit of everything. While doing the shopping, I started talking to Jose, the owner. I told him about Ivan, that he had autism, and that I wanted him to learn to walk down the street by himself, without anyone holding his hand.
Ivan-ek 11 urte zituen, eta tratamendua etxetik oso gertu egiten zuen, beste auzo batean. Eta arratsalde batean, denbora pasa nengoen, itxaroten nuen bitartean, barazki-dendan sartu nintzen auzoetako ohiko barazki dendan, non denetarik duten. Erosten nengoen bitartean, Jose, jabearekin hizketan hasi nintzen. Ivan-ek autismoa zuela esan nion, eta kalean zehar bakarrik ibiltzen ikas zezala nahi nuela, inork eskutik heldu gabe.
So I decided to ask Jose if Thursdays around 2pm, Ivan could come and help him arrange the water bottles on the shelves, because he loved to organize things. And as a reward, he could buy some chocolate cookies, which were his favorite. He said "yes" right away. So that's how it went for a year: Ivan would go to Jose's greengrocer, help him arrange the shelves of water bottles with the labels perfectly lined up on the same side, and he would leave happy with his chocolate cookies.
Eta hau galdetzera adoretu nintzen, ea ostegunetan, arratsaldeko ordubietan, Ivan joan ote zitekeen ur botil apalak txukuntzera, gauzak antolatzea gustuko zuelako, eta saritzat, txokolatezko gailetatxo batzuk erostea, bere gailetatxo gustukoenak. Segituan baietz esan zidan. Eta horrela urte batean zehar, Ivan, Jose-ren dendara joaten zen, ur botilen apalak antolatzen laguntzen zion, etiketak guztiz lerrokatuta gelditzen zirelarik milimetrikoki alde berdinerantz. Eta pozik joaten zen bere txokolatezko gailetatxoekin.
Jose is not an expert in autism. There is no need to be an expert nor do anything heroic to include someone. We just need to be there --
Jose ez da autismoan aditua. Ez da beharrezkoa ezertan aditua izatea, ezta izugarrizko ekintzak egitea beste norbait sartzeko. Soilik, bertan egon behar gara--
(Applause)
(Txaloak)
(Applause ends)
Really, no heroic deed -- we simply need to be close. And if we are afraid of something or we don't understand something, we need to ask.
Horrela da, ez da izugarrizko ekintzarik. Soilik gertu egon behar gara. Eta zerbaitek beldurtzen bagaitu, edo ez badugu ulertzen, galdetu dezagun;
Let's be curious but never indifferent. Let's have the courage to look each other in the eye, because by looking, we can open a whole world to someone else.
jakingura izan dezagun, baina ez gaitezen axolagabeak izan. Begietara begiratzeko adorea izan dezagun, zeren eta gure begiradarekin, beste mundu bat ireki diezaiokegulako beste norbaiti.
(Applause)
(Txaloak)
(Cheers)
(Txaloak)