When we're young, we're innocently brave, and we fearlessly dream about what our lives might be like. Maybe you wanted to be an astronaut or a rocket scientist. Maybe you dreamed of traveling to every continent. Since I was very young, I dreamed of working for the United Nations in some of the most difficult countries in the world. And thanks to a lot of courage that dream came true.
Kad smo mladi, nevino smo hrabri, i neustrašivo sanjamo kakav bi mogao da bude naš život. Možda ste želeli da budete astronaut ili kosmički inženjer. Možda ste sanjali o tome da obiđete sve kontinente. Ja sam od vrlo ranog uzrasta maštala o tome da radim za Ujedinjene nacije u nekim zemljama koje su najteže za život. Zahvaljujući ogromnoj hrabrosti, taj san se ostvario.
But here's the thing about courage: it doesn't just appear whenever we need it. It's the result of tough reflection and real work, involving the balance between fear and bravery. Without fear, we'll do foolish things. And without courage, we'll never step into the unknown. The balance of the two is where the magic lies, and it's a balance we all deal with every day.
Ali evo u čemu je caka kada je reč o hrabrosti: ona se neće naprosto pojaviti kad god vam je potrebna. Rezultat je jakog promišljanja i istinskog rada, što podrazumeva ravnotežu između straha i hrabrosti. Bez straha pravimo gluposti. A bez hrabrosti nikada nećemo zakoračiti u nepoznato. Magija je u ravnoteži između ta dva, a sa tom ravnotežom imamo posla svakodnevno.
First, a word about my fancy wheels. I haven't always used a wheelchair. I grew up like many of you, running, jumping and dancing. I love to dance. However, in my mid-twenties, I began to experience a series of inexplicable falls. And a few years later, I was diagnosed with a recessive genetic condition called hereditary inclusion body myopathy, or HIBM. It's a progressive muscle wasting disease that affects all of my muscles from head to toe. HIBM is very rare. In the United States there are less than 200 people diagnosed. To date, there is no proved treatment or cure, and within 10 to 15 years of its onset, HIBM typically leads to quadriplegia, which is why I now use a wheelchair.
Najpre da kažem nešto o mojim opasnim točkovima. Nisam uvek koristila invalidska kolica. Odrastala sam kao i mnogi među vama, trčala, skakala i plesala. Obožavam da plešem. Međutim, u svojim dvadesetim, počela sam da prolazim kroz niz neobjašnjivih padova. Nekoliko godina kasnije, dijagnostikovano mi je recesivno genetsko stanje zvano nasledna inkluziona telesna miopatija ili NITM. To je progresivna bolest gubitka mišića koja zahvata sve moje mišiće od glave do pete. NITM je veoma retka. U Sjedinjenim Državama tu dijagnozu ima manje od 200 ljudi. Ni dan-danas ne postoji dokazano efikasan tretman ili lek, a u roku od 10 do 15 godina otkako se pojavi, NITM obično dovodi do kvadriplegije, zbog čega sada koristim kolica.
When I was first diagnosed, everything changed. It was frightening news because I had no experience with chronic illness or disabilities. And I had no idea how the disease might progress. But what was most disheartening was to listen to other people advise me to limit my ambitions and dreams, and to change my expectations of what to expect from life. "You should quit your international career." "No one will marry you this way." "You would be selfish to have children." The fact that someone who wasn't me was putting limitations on my dreams and ambitions was preposterous. And unacceptable. So I ignored them.
Kada sam dobila tu dijagnozu, sve se promenilo. Bile su to zastrašujuće vesti jer nisam imala nikakvo iskustvo sa hroničnim bolestima ili invaliditetom. Nisam imala predstavu kako ova bolest može napredovati. Ali najviše me je rastuživalo kada bih slušala kako me ljudi savetuju da smanjim svoje ambicije i snove, i da promenim očekivanja u vezi sa ostatkom života. „Trebalo bi da odustaneš od međunarodne karijere.“ „Niko se neće oženiti sa tobom takvom.“ „Bilo bi sebično od tebe da odlučiš da imaš decu.“ Činjenica da neko ko nije ja postavlja ograničenja mojim snovima i ambicijama bila je suluda. I neprihvatljiva. Tako da sam ih ignorisala.
(Cheers and applause)
(Ovacije i aplauz)
I did get married. And I decided for myself not to have children. And I continued my career with the United Nations after my diagnosis, going to work for two years in Angola, a country recovering from 27 years of brutal civil war. However, it would be another five years until I officially declared my diagnosis to my employer. Because I was afraid that they would question my capacity to manage and I'd lose my job. I was working in countries where polio had been common, so when I overheard someone say that they thought I might have survived polio, I thought my secret was safe. No one asked why I was limping. So I didn't say anything.
Ipak se jesam udala. I samostalno sam rešila da neću imati dece. Nastavila sam karijeru u Ujedinjenim nacijama nakon postavljene dijagnoze, i otišla na dve godine da radim u Angoli, zemlji koja se opravljala od 27 godina brutalnog građanskog rata. Međutim, tek pet godina kasnije sam zvanično poslodavcu saopštila svoju dijagnozu. Zato što sam se bojala da će dovesti u pitanje moju sposobnost da upravljam i da ću izgubiti posao. Radila sam u zemljama u kojima je dečja paraliza bila učestala, pa kada sam slučajno čula nekog kako govori da misli da sam možda preživela dečju paralizu, mislila sam da je moja tajna bezbedna. Niko me nije pitao zašto hramljem. Tako da ni ja ništa nisam govorila.
It took me over a decade to internalize the severity of HIBM, even as basic tasks and functions became increasingly difficult. Yet, I continued to pursue my dream of working all over the world, and was even appointed as a disability focal point for UNICEF in Haiti, where I served for two years after the devastating 2010 earthquake. And then my work brought me to the United States. And even as the disease progressed significantly and I needed leg braces and a walker to get around, I still longed for adventure. And this time, I started dreaming of a grand outdoor adventure. And what's more grand than the Grand Canyon?
Trebalo mi je više od decenije da prihvatim ozbiljnost NITM-a, čak i kako su osnovni zadaci i funkcije postajali sve teži. Ipak sam nastavila da sledim svoj san da radim po celom svetu, i čak sam postavljena kao kontakt za osobe sa invaliditetom pri UNICEF-u u Haitiju, gde sam radila dve godine nakon razornog zemljotresa 2010. godine. A zatim me je posao doveo u Sjedinjene Države. Čak i kada je bolest značajno napredovala i kada su mi bile potrebne proteze za noge i hodalica da bih se kretala, i dalje sam žudela za avanturom. Ovoga puta, počela sam da maštam o velikoj avanturi na otvorenom. A šta ima veće od Velikog kanjona?
Did you know that for every five million people who visit the Rim only one percent go down to the canyon's base? I wanted to be a part of that one percent. The only thing is --
Da li ste znali da na svakih pet miliona ljudi koji posete obod, samo jedan odsto siđe do baze kanjona? Želela sam da budem deo tog jednog procenta. Jedini problem je -
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
The only thing is that the Grand Canyon isn't exactly accessible. I was going to need some assistance to get down the 5,000-foot descent of vertical loose terrain. Now, when I face obstacles, fear doesn't necessarily immediately set in because I assume that one way or another, I'll figure it out. And in this case, my thought was, well, if I can't walk down, I could learn to ride a horse. So that's what I did.
Jedini problem je u tome što Veliki kanjon nije baš pristupačan. Bila mi je potrebna pomoć da bih se spustila niz kilometar i po nestabilnog vertikalnog terena. Kada se suočim sa preprekama, strah obično ne nastupi odmah jer pretpostavim da ću, šta god da se desi, nekako naći rešenje. A u ovom slučaju sam mislila da, pa, ako ne mogu da peške siđem dole, mogla bih da naučim da jašem konja. I to sam i uradila.
And with that fateful decision began a four-year commitment, tossing back and forth between fear and courage to undertake a 12-day expedition. Four days on horseback to cross Grand Canyon rim to rim, and eight days rafting 150 miles of the Colorado River, all with a film crew in tow. Spoiler alert -- we made it. But not without showing me how my deepest fear can somehow manifest a mirror response of equal courage. On April 13, 2018, sitting eight feet above the ground, riding a mustang horse named Sheriff, my first impression of Grand Canyon was one of shock and terror. Who knew I had a fear of heights.
Tom sudbonosnom odlukom započeta je četvorogodišnja posvećenost, u stalnoj smeni straha i hrabrosti, kako bih krenula na ekspediciju od 12 dana. Četiri dana na konju da bih prešla Veliki kanjon od oboda do oboda, i osam dana raftinga duž 240 km reke Kolorado, a sve to u paketu sa filmskom ekipom. Pokvariću vam film - uspeli smo. Ali tako da sam uvidela da moj najdublji strah nekako može iznedriti reakciju podjednake hrabrosti. Dana 13. aprila 2018. godine, dok sam sedela dva i po metra iznad zemlje, jašući konja mustanga po imenu Šerif, moj prvi utisak o Velikom kanjonu bio je ispunjen šokom i užasom. Ko bi rekao da imam strah od visine.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
But there was no giving up now. I mustered up every ounce of courage inside me to not let my fear get the best of me. Embarking on the South Rim, all I could do to keep myself composed was to breathe deeply, stare up into the clouds and focus on my team's voices. But then, in the first hour, disaster struck. Unable to hold myself upright in the saddle, going down an oversized step, I flung forward and smacked my face on the back of the horse's head. There was panic, my head hurt fiercely, but the path was too narrow for us to dismount. Only at the halfway point at 2,300 feet, at least another two hours down, could we stop and remove my helmet and see the egg-sized bump protruding from my forehead. For all of that planning and gear, how is it that we didn't even have an ice pack?
Ali nisam mogla da odustanem sada. Smogla sam svaki gram snage u sebi kako ne bih dozvolila da me obuzme strah. Kada sam krenula ka južnom obodu, jedino što sam mogla da bih se sabrala bilo je da dišem duboko, zurim u oblake i usredsredim se na glasove ljudi iz mog tima. Ali potom je, tokom prvog sata, nastupila katastrofa. Kako nisam mogla da se uspravno držim u sedlu, idući niz preveliki stepenik, poletela sam napred i udarila licem u potiljak konja. Nastala je panika, glava me je žestoko bolela, ali staza je bila suviše uska da bismo sjahali. Tek na pola puta, na 700 metara visine, sa najmanje dva sata nadole, mogli smo da se zaustavimo da skinemo moju kacigu i vidimo čvorugu velicine jajeta koja mi je virila na čelu. Uz sve to planiranje i opremu, kako to da nismo imali ni hladne obloge?
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Luckily for all of us, the swelling came outwards, and would drain into my face as two fantastic black eyes which is an amazing way to look in a documentary film.
Srećom za sve nas, otok je izašao spolja, i slio mi se niz lice kao dve fantastične modrice ispod očiju, što je sjajan izgled za dokumentarni film.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
(Applause and cheers)
(Aplauz i ovacije)
This was not an easy, peaceful journey, and yet, that was exactly the point. Even though I was afraid to get back into the saddle, I got back in. The descent alone to the canyon floor took a total of 10 hours and that was just day one of four riding.
Ovo nije bilo lako i mirno putovanje, ali ipak, to je bila poenta. Mada sam se bojala da se vratim u sedlo, opet sam zajahala. Samo spuštanje do dna kanjona trajalo je ukupno 10 sati, a to je bio samo prvi od četiri dana jahanja.
Next came the mighty rapids. The Colorado River in the Grand Canyon has some of the highest white water in the country. And just to be prepared in case we should capsize, we'd practice having me swim through a smaller rapid. And it's safe to say it wasn't glamorous.
Usledili su moćni brzaci. Reka Kolorado u Velikom kanjonu ima uzburkane vode sa nekim od najvećih brzaka u zemlji. I samo da budemo spremni za slučaj da se prevrnemo, vežbali smo da plivam kroz manji brzak. I mogu otvoreno reći da to nije bio glamurozan prizor.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
I took my breath in the wrong part of the wave, choked on river water and was unable to steer myself. Yes, it was scary, but it was also fantastic. Waterfalls, slick canyons and a couple billion years of bedrock that seemed to change color throughout the day. The Grand Canyon is true wilderness and worthy of all of its accolades.
Udahnula sam na pogrešnom delu talasa, gušila se od rečne vode i nisam bila u stanju da se usmerim. Da, bilo je strašno, ali isto tako i fantastično. Vodopadi, klizavi kanjoni i nekoliko milijardi godina stare stene koje kao da su menjale boje tokom dana. Veliki kanjon je prava divljina i dostojan svega zbog čega ga hvale.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
The expedition, all that planning and the trip itself, showed me a level of fear I had never experienced before. But more importantly, it showed me how boldly courageous I can be. My Grand Canyon journey was not easy. This was not a vision of an Amazonian woman effortlessly making her way through epic scenery. This was me crying, exhausted and beat up with two black eyes. It was scary, it was stressful, it was exhilarating.
Ova ekspedicija, sve to planiranje i sam put, pokazali su mi nivo straha kakav nikada pre nisam doživela. Ali što je važnije, pokazali su mi koliko hrabra mogu da budem. Moje putovanje po Velikom kanjonu nije bilo lako. To nije bio prizor Amazonke koja se bez napora probija kroz epski predeo. Ja sam tu plakala, iscrpljena i izmučena sa dve modrice ispod očiju. Bilo je strašno, bilo je stresno, bilo je uzbudljivo.
Now that the trip is over, it's easy to be blasé about what we achieved. I know I want to raft the river again. This time, all 277 miles of it.
Sada kada se putovanje završilo, lako je biti ravnodušan prema onome što smo postigli. Znam da želim da ponovo idem na rafting na reci. Ovog puta, duž celih 446 kilometara.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
But I also know that I would never do the horseback-riding part again.
Ali isto tako znam da nikada više neću pristati na deo sa jahanjem konja.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
It's just too dangerous. And that's my real point. I'm not just here to show you my film footage. I'm here to remind us all that life is really just a lesson in finding the balance between fear and courage. And understanding what is and what isn't a good idea.
To je jednostavno previše opasno. A to je u stvari moja poenta. Nisam došla ovde samo da bih vam pokazala snimak. Ovde sam da bih sve nas podsetila da je život zapravo samo lekcija pronalaženja ravnoteže između straha i hrabrosti. I uviđanje šta jeste, a šta nije pametno činiti.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Life is already scary, so for our dreams to come true, we need to be brave. In facing my fears and finding the courage to push through them, I swear my life has been extraordinary. So live big and try to let your courage outweigh your fear. You never know where it might take you.
Život je sam po sebi strašan, pa, da bi se naši snovi ostvarili, moramo biti hrabri. Kroz suočavanje sa strahovima i pronalaženje hrabrosti da nastavim uprkos njima, kunem se, moj život je bio izvandredan. Zato živite punim plućima i probajte da pustite da vam hrabrost nadjača strah. Nikada ne znate gde vas može odvesti.
Thank you.
Hvala.
(Applause and cheers)
(Aplauz i ovacije)