When we're young, we're innocently brave, and we fearlessly dream about what our lives might be like. Maybe you wanted to be an astronaut or a rocket scientist. Maybe you dreamed of traveling to every continent. Since I was very young, I dreamed of working for the United Nations in some of the most difficult countries in the world. And thanks to a lot of courage that dream came true.
Kada smo mladi posjedujemo tu nevinu hrabrost i bez straha sanjarimo o tome kakav bi naš život mogao biti. Možda ste željeli biti astronaut ili raketni inženjer. Možda ste sanjarili da otputujete na svaki kontinent. Otkad sam bila veoma mlada sanjala sam da radim za Ujedinjene narode u nekima od najzahtjevnijih država na svijetu. I, zahvaljujući velikoj hrabrosti, taj se san obistinio.
But here's the thing about courage: it doesn't just appear whenever we need it. It's the result of tough reflection and real work, involving the balance between fear and bravery. Without fear, we'll do foolish things. And without courage, we'll never step into the unknown. The balance of the two is where the magic lies, and it's a balance we all deal with every day.
Ali, evo nešto o hrabrosti: nije da se jednostavno pojavi kad god nam treba. Ona je rezultat dubokog promišljanja i stvarnoga rada, koji uključuju ravnotežu između straha i hrabrosti. Bez straha, činit ćemo blesave stvari. A bez hrabrosti nikada nećemo zakoračiti u nepoznato. U ravnoteži ovoga dvoga počiva magija, a pronalaženjem te ravnoteže svi se mi bavimo svakoga dana.
First, a word about my fancy wheels. I haven't always used a wheelchair. I grew up like many of you, running, jumping and dancing. I love to dance. However, in my mid-twenties, I began to experience a series of inexplicable falls. And a few years later, I was diagnosed with a recessive genetic condition called hereditary inclusion body myopathy, or HIBM. It's a progressive muscle wasting disease that affects all of my muscles from head to toe. HIBM is very rare. In the United States there are less than 200 people diagnosed. To date, there is no proved treatment or cure, and within 10 to 15 years of its onset, HIBM typically leads to quadriplegia, which is why I now use a wheelchair.
Prvo da kažem koju o svojim elegantnim kotačima. Nisam oduvijek bila u kolicima. Odrasla sam kao i mnogi od vas, trčala, skakala i plesala. Volim plesati. Međutim, sredinom svojih dvadesetih počela sam doživljavati niz neobjašnjivih padova. Nekoliko godina kasnije dijagnosticirano mi je recesivno genetsko stanje pod imenom nasljedni miozitis s inkluzijskim tijelima ili HIBM. To je bolest progresivnog propadanja mišića koja napada sve moje mišiće od glave do pete. HIBM je veoma rijetka bolest. U SAD-u ima manje od 200 ljudi s tom dijagnozom. Do danas ne postoji pouzdano liječenje niti lijek, a unutar 10 do 15 godina od prvog pojavljivanja simptoma HIBM uobičajeno dovodi do kvadriplegije i to je razlog zašto sada koristim kolica.
When I was first diagnosed, everything changed. It was frightening news because I had no experience with chronic illness or disabilities. And I had no idea how the disease might progress. But what was most disheartening was to listen to other people advise me to limit my ambitions and dreams, and to change my expectations of what to expect from life. "You should quit your international career." "No one will marry you this way." "You would be selfish to have children." The fact that someone who wasn't me was putting limitations on my dreams and ambitions was preposterous. And unacceptable. So I ignored them.
Kada mi je prvi put postavljena dijagnoza, sve se promijenilo. To su bile zastrašujuće vijesti zato što nisam imala nikakvog iskustva s kroničnim bolestima niti invalidnošću. Pojma nisam imala kako bi se bolest mogla razvijati. No ono što me najviše obeshrabrivalo bilo je slušati druge ljude kako mi savjetuju da ograničim svoje ambicije i snove i izmijenim svoja očekivanja vezana uz život. "Trebala bi prekinuti svoju međunarodnu karijeru." "Nitko te neće htjeti ovakvu oženiti." "Bilo bi sebično da imaš djecu." Činjenica da netko tko nije ja postavlja ograničenja na moje snove i ambicije bila je apsurdna. I neprihvatljiva. Tako da sam ih ignorirala.
(Cheers and applause)
(Odobravanje i pljesak)
I did get married. And I decided for myself not to have children. And I continued my career with the United Nations after my diagnosis, going to work for two years in Angola, a country recovering from 27 years of brutal civil war. However, it would be another five years until I officially declared my diagnosis to my employer. Because I was afraid that they would question my capacity to manage and I'd lose my job. I was working in countries where polio had been common, so when I overheard someone say that they thought I might have survived polio, I thought my secret was safe. No one asked why I was limping. So I didn't say anything.
Jesam se udala. I sama sam za sebe odlučila nemati djecu. Nastavila sam svoju karijeru u Ujedinjenim narodima nakon što mi je postavljena dijagnoza i otišla raditi na dvije godine u Angolu, zemlju koja se oporavljala od 27-godišnjeg brutalnog građanskog rata. Ipak, proći će još pet godina prije nego ću službeno prijaviti svoju dijagnozu poslodavcu. Jer sam se bojala da će dovesti u pitanje moju radnu sposobnost i da ću izgubiti posao. Radila sam u zemljama u kojima je dječja paraliza bila uobičajena i, kada sam načula nekoga kako kaže da misli da sam ja možda preživjela dječju paralizu, pomislila sam da je moja tajna sigurna. Nitko me nije pitao zašto šepam. Tako da nisam ništa rekla.
It took me over a decade to internalize the severity of HIBM, even as basic tasks and functions became increasingly difficult. Yet, I continued to pursue my dream of working all over the world, and was even appointed as a disability focal point for UNICEF in Haiti, where I served for two years after the devastating 2010 earthquake. And then my work brought me to the United States. And even as the disease progressed significantly and I needed leg braces and a walker to get around, I still longed for adventure. And this time, I started dreaming of a grand outdoor adventure. And what's more grand than the Grand Canyon?
Trebalo mi je više od 10 godina da se saživim s ozbiljnošću HIBM-a, čak i kako su osnovne zadaće i funkcije postajale sve teže. Ipak, nastavila sam slijediti svoj san da radim po cijelome svijetu, i čak sam imenovana kao fokusna točka za invaliditet za UNICEF na Haitiju, gdje sam radila dvije godine nakon razarajućeg potresa 2010. godine. Tada me je posao odveo u SAD. Iako je bolest značajno uznapredovala i trebala sam proteze za noge i nekoga tko me vodi, i dalje sam žudjela za avanturom. Ovoga puta počela sam sanjati o grandioznoj avanturi na otvorenom. A što je grandioznije od Grand Canyona?
Did you know that for every five million people who visit the Rim only one percent go down to the canyon's base? I wanted to be a part of that one percent. The only thing is --
Jeste li znali da od 5 milijuna ljudi koji posjete Litice samo jedan posto siđe dolje do dna kanjona? Željela sam biti dio tih jedan posto. Stvar je u tome --
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
The only thing is that the Grand Canyon isn't exactly accessible. I was going to need some assistance to get down the 5,000-foot descent of vertical loose terrain. Now, when I face obstacles, fear doesn't necessarily immediately set in because I assume that one way or another, I'll figure it out. And in this case, my thought was, well, if I can't walk down, I could learn to ride a horse. So that's what I did.
Stvar je u tome da Grand Canyon nije baš pristupačan. Trebat će mi neka pomoć da siđem niz strminu veću od 1,5 km okomitog rastresitog terena. Sad, kad se suočavam s preprekama, strah ne nastupa nužno odmah jer pretpostavljam da ću, na ovaj ili onaj način, dokučiti što napraviti. U ovom slučaju na pameti mi je bilo, pa, ako ne mogu pješke sići, mogla bih naučiti jahati konja. To sam i učinila.
And with that fateful decision began a four-year commitment, tossing back and forth between fear and courage to undertake a 12-day expedition. Four days on horseback to cross Grand Canyon rim to rim, and eight days rafting 150 miles of the Colorado River, all with a film crew in tow. Spoiler alert -- we made it. But not without showing me how my deepest fear can somehow manifest a mirror response of equal courage. On April 13, 2018, sitting eight feet above the ground, riding a mustang horse named Sheriff, my first impression of Grand Canyon was one of shock and terror. Who knew I had a fear of heights.
Tom sudbonosnom odlukom započela je četverogodišnja predanost bacakanja naprijed-nazad između straha i hrabrosti da započnem 12-dnevnu ekspediciju. Četiri dana na konju za prelazak Grand Canyona od litice do litice i osam dana raftingom preko 240 km rijeke Colorado, sve s filmskom ekipom uz sebe. I otkrit ću vam odmah -- uspjeli smo. Ali ne prije no što sam uvidjela kako moj najdublji strah nekako može u odrazu pokazati jednaku količinu hrabrosti. 13. travnja 2018. dok sam sjedila skoro 2,5m iznad tla, jašući mustanga po imenu Sheriff, moj prvi dojam o Grand Canyonu bio je šok i užas. Tko bi znao da imam strah od visine.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
But there was no giving up now. I mustered up every ounce of courage inside me to not let my fear get the best of me. Embarking on the South Rim, all I could do to keep myself composed was to breathe deeply, stare up into the clouds and focus on my team's voices. But then, in the first hour, disaster struck. Unable to hold myself upright in the saddle, going down an oversized step, I flung forward and smacked my face on the back of the horse's head. There was panic, my head hurt fiercely, but the path was too narrow for us to dismount. Only at the halfway point at 2,300 feet, at least another two hours down, could we stop and remove my helmet and see the egg-sized bump protruding from my forehead. For all of that planning and gear, how is it that we didn't even have an ice pack?
Ali, sada nije bilo odustajanja. Skupila sam svu svoju hrabrost, svaki gram u sebi, da ne dopustim da me strah savlada. Krećući se po Južnoj litici, sve što sam mogla napraviti da se održim sabranom bilo je da dišem duboko, gledam u oblake i fokusiram se na glasove svog tima. Ali onda, tokom prvog sata puta, dogodila se katastrofa. Kako se nisam mogla držati uspravno u sedlu dok sam se spuštala prevelikom stubom poletjela sam naprijed i tresnula licem o potiljak konja. Nastala je panika, glava me žestoko boljela, ali staza je bila preuska da bismo mogli sjahati. Tek na pola puta, na visini od 700 m, nakon još barem dva sata spuštanja, mogli smo stati, skinuti mi kacigu i vidjeti čvorugu veliku kao jaje kako mi strši iz čela. Uz svo to planiranje i opremu, kako to da nam nije palo na pamet ponijeti paket leda?
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Luckily for all of us, the swelling came outwards, and would drain into my face as two fantastic black eyes which is an amazing way to look in a documentary film.
Srećom po sve nas, oteklina je izišla na van i izlila mi se u lice praveći dvije fantastične šljive ispod očiju, što je očaravajući način kako da izgledate u dokumentarcu.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
(Applause and cheers)
(Pljesak i odobravanje)
This was not an easy, peaceful journey, and yet, that was exactly the point. Even though I was afraid to get back into the saddle, I got back in. The descent alone to the canyon floor took a total of 10 hours and that was just day one of four riding.
Ovo nije bilo lako ni mirno putovanje, pa ipak, baš u tome je bila stvar. Iako sam se bojala vratiti se u sedlo, vratila sam se. Sam silazak u dno kanjona trajao je ukupno 10 sati, a to je bio tek prvi od ukupno četiri dana jahanja.
Next came the mighty rapids. The Colorado River in the Grand Canyon has some of the highest white water in the country. And just to be prepared in case we should capsize, we'd practice having me swim through a smaller rapid. And it's safe to say it wasn't glamorous.
Idući su bili snažni brzaci. Rijeka Colorado u Grand Canyonu ima neke od najvećih brzaka u zemlji. I kako bismo bili spremni u slučaju prevrtanja, vježbali smo tako što sam plivala kroz manji brzak. Sa sigurnošću mogu reći da nije bilo baš glamurozno.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I took my breath in the wrong part of the wave, choked on river water and was unable to steer myself. Yes, it was scary, but it was also fantastic. Waterfalls, slick canyons and a couple billion years of bedrock that seemed to change color throughout the day. The Grand Canyon is true wilderness and worthy of all of its accolades.
Udahnula sam u pogrešnom trenutku vala, zagrcnula se vodom i nisam bila u stanju sobom upravljati. Da, bilo je zastrašujuće, ali isto tako bilo je fantastično. Vodopadi, skliski kanjoni i stijene stare par milijardi godina koje su, činilo se, mijenjale boju kako je dan prolazio. Grand Canyon je istinska divljina i vrijedi svega onoga što se o njemu govori.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
The expedition, all that planning and the trip itself, showed me a level of fear I had never experienced before. But more importantly, it showed me how boldly courageous I can be. My Grand Canyon journey was not easy. This was not a vision of an Amazonian woman effortlessly making her way through epic scenery. This was me crying, exhausted and beat up with two black eyes. It was scary, it was stressful, it was exhilarating.
Ekspedicija, svo to planiranje, kao i samo putovanje, pokazali su mi razinu straha koju nikada ranije nisam iskusila. Ali, što je još važnije, pokazali su mi koliko nevjerojatno hrabra mogu biti. Moje putovanje kroz Grand Canyon nije bilo lako. Nije to bio prizor jedne Amazonke koja se bez napora probija kroz epske krajolike. To sam bila ja - plačna, iznurena i prebijena s dvije šljive ispod očiju. Bilo je zastrašujuće, bilo je stresno, bilo je nevjerojatno uzbudljivo.
Now that the trip is over, it's easy to be blasé about what we achieved. I know I want to raft the river again. This time, all 277 miles of it.
Sada kada je to putovanje završilo lako je opušteno govoriti o tome što smo postigli. Znam da opet želim ići na rafting tom rijekom. Ovog puta kroz svih njezinih 450 km.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
But I also know that I would never do the horseback-riding part again.
Ali, isto tako znam da nikada ne bih ponovo prošla onaj dio na konju.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
It's just too dangerous. And that's my real point. I'm not just here to show you my film footage. I'm here to remind us all that life is really just a lesson in finding the balance between fear and courage. And understanding what is and what isn't a good idea.
Jednostavno je previše opasno. I to je ono što u stvari želim reći. Nisam ovdje samo da vam pokažem snimke. Ovdje sam da sve nas podsjetim da je život zaista samo lekcija o tome kako da pronađemo ravnotežu između straha i hrabrosti. I da razumijemo što jest, a što baš i nije dobra ideja.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Life is already scary, so for our dreams to come true, we need to be brave. In facing my fears and finding the courage to push through them, I swear my life has been extraordinary. So live big and try to let your courage outweigh your fear. You never know where it might take you.
Život je već sam po sebi strašan, i da bismo ostvarili svoje snove trebamo biti hrabri. U suočavanju sa svojim strahovima i pronalaženju hrabrosti da se kroz njih probijem, kunem se, moj je život bio izuzetan. Prema tome, živite punim plućima i pokušajte da vaša hrabrost nadvlada vaš strah. Nikad ne znate gdje vas to može odvesti.
Thank you.
Hvala.
(Applause and cheers)
(Pljesak i odobravanje)