I grew up white, secular and middle class in 1950s America. That meant watching fireworks on the Fourth of July, trick-or-treating on Halloween and putting presents under a tree at Christmas. But by the time those traditions got to me, they were hollow, commercial enterprises, which just left me feeling empty. So from a relatively young age, I found myself looking to fill an existential hole, to connect with something bigger than myself.
我是 1950 年代生長在 美國的一個普通的中產階級白人。 那意味著,七月四日看煙火, 萬聖節玩「不請客就搗蛋」, 以及聖誕節在聖誕樹下放禮物。 但那些傳統到了我的年代時, 它們都很空洞、商業化了, 只讓我感到空虛。 所以,從年輕的時候, 我就開始尋找填補 關於存在的空洞的方法, 來與某種比我自己 更大的東西連結。
There hadn't been a bar mitzvah in my family in over a century, so I thought I'd take a shot at that --
在我的家庭中,已經超過一世紀 沒有舉行(猶太)成年禮了, 所以我想我要試試看──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
only to be devastated when my one encounter with the rabbi, a really tall, godlike figure with flowing white hair, consisted of him asking me for my middle name so we could fill out a form. Yep, that was it.
但在遇到拉比時,我整個人垮掉了。 他的身材很高,外形像神, 有著豐厚的白髮, 包括他問我的中間名字是什麼, 以便填表格。 是的,如此而已。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So I got the fountain pen, but I didn't get the sense of belonging and confidence I was searching for.
我拿到了那隻鋼筆, 但我沒有得到 我所尋找的歸屬感和信心。
Many years later, I couldn't bear the thought of my son turning 13 without some kind of rite of passage. So I came up with the idea of a 13th birthday trip, and I offered to take Murphy anywhere in the world that had meaning for him. A budding young naturalist who loved turtles, he immediately settled on the Galapagos. And when my daughter, Katie, turned 13, she and I spent two weeks at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, where Katie learned for the first time that she was powerful and brave. Since then, my partner, Ashton, and lots of our friends and relatives have taken their kids on 13th birthday trips, with everyone finding it transformative for both the child and the parent.
多年後, 我無法忍受我的兒子就要十三歲了, 卻沒有某種成人儀式。 所以我想到辦一個 十三歲生日之旅的主意。 我提出要帶墨菲到世界上 任何一個對他有意義的地方。 熱愛烏龜的他 是個萌芽中的年輕自然主義者, 他馬上選擇了加拉巴哥群島。 當我女兒凱蒂十三歲時, 她和我在大峽谷的底部 待了兩個星期, 在那裡,凱蒂第一次 了解到她很強大且勇敢。 在那之後,我的另一半艾希頓 以及許多親朋好友, 都帶孩子踏上十三歲生日之旅, 每個人皆發現此舉讓孩子 與父母都有所改變。
I wasn't brought up saying grace. But for the last 20 years, we've been holding hands before every meal. It's a beautiful bit of shared silence that brings us all together in the moment. Ashton tells everyone to "pass the squeeze," while she assures them it's not religious.
我的成長過程沒有飯前禱告。 但在過去二十年間, 在每一餐之前我們都會牽起手。 那是分享寂靜的美好時刻, 讓我們在那當下結合在一起。 艾希頓告訴每個人要「傳遞緊握」, 並聲明那不是宗教性質的。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So recently, when my family asked me if I could please do something with the more than 250 boxes of stuff that I've collected over a lifetime, my ritual-making impulse kicked in. I started wondering if I could go further than simple death cleaning. "Death cleaning" is the Swedish term for clearing out your closets, your basement and your attic before you die, so your kids don't have to do it later.
最近我家人拜託我 把我一生所收集 超過兩百五十箱的東西 處理一下時, 我的「舉行儀式」衝動開始運作了。 我開始想我能否不單單 只是做「死前整理」。 「死前整理」是個瑞典用詞, 指的是在死前清理好 你的衣廚、地下室及閣樓。 你的孩子以後就不用做這些。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I pictured my children opening up box after box and wondering why I'd kept any of that stuff.
我想像我的孩子 把箱子一箱一箱打開, 納悶我為什麼要留這些東西。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And then I imagined them looking at a specific picture of me with a beautiful young woman, and asking, "Who on earth is that with Dad?"
接著,我想像他們看著一張 我和一位美麗女子的照片, 問:「和老爸在一起的 這個人到底是誰?」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And that was the aha moment. It wasn't the things I'd saved that were important; it was the stories that went with them that gave them meaning. Could using the objects to tell the stories be the seed of a new ritual, a rite of passage -- not for a 13-year-old, but for someone much further down the road?
那是頓悟時刻。 並非我保留的東西很重要, 而是它們伴隨的故事所賦予的意義。 用物品來說故事, 有沒有可能 成為一個新儀式的誕生? 一個生命過程的儀式── 但不是為十三歲, 而是為了我們更老的時候 要舉行的儀式。
So I started experimenting. I got a few dozen things out of the boxes, I put them about in a room, and I invited people to come in and ask me about anything that they found interesting. The results were terrific. A good story became a launching pad for a much deeper discussion, in which my visitors made meaningful connections to their own lives. Derrius [Quarles] asked me about a Leonard Peltier T-shirt that I'd worn a lot in the '80s, that, sadly, is still relevant today. Our conversation moved quickly, from a large number of political prisoners in American jails, to Derrius wondering about the legacy of the Black Liberation Movement of the '60s, and how his life might be different if he'd come of age then, instead of 30-odd years later. At the end of our conversation, Derrius asked me if he could have the T-shirt. And giving it to him felt just about perfect.
我開始做實驗。 我從箱子中拿出幾十樣東西來, 把它們散在房間各處。 接著我邀請一些人來 問我任何他們感興趣的問題。 結果非常棒。 一個好故事帶出了更深刻的討論, 在討論中,我的訪客 也在他們自己的人生 做了有意義的連結。 德瑞爾斯(奎爾斯)問我 一件倫納德佩爾提爾T恤的事。 我在 1980 年代常穿它。 令人感傷的是, 它與現今仍然有關聯性。 我們的對話進展很快, 從美國監獄中大量的政治囚犯, 到德瑞爾斯好奇想了解 1960 年代黑人的解放運動。 以及如果他在那時就已成年, 而非三十多年後, 他的人生會變什麼樣子。 在我們的談話尾聲, 德瑞爾斯問我能否把那件T恤給他。 我覺得把T恤給他是最完美的做法。
As these conversations established common ground, especially across generations, I realized I was opening a space for people to talk about things that really mattered to them. And I started seeing myself with a renewed sense of purpose -- not as the old guy on the way out, but as someone with a role to play going forward.
當這些對談建立起了共同點, 特別是跨世代的共同點, 我發現我打開了一個空間, 讓大家來談論 對他們而言重要的事情。 我開始發現我的生命又有意義了── 我不是個將要離世的老人, 而是個有角色要扮演的人 在向前邁進。
When I was growing up, life ended for most people in their 70s. People are living far longer now, and for the first time in human history, it's common for four generations to be living side by side. I'm 71, and with a bit of luck, I've got 20 or 30 more years ahead of me. Giving away my stuff now and sharing it with friends, family, and I hope strangers, too, seems like the perfect way to enter this next stage of my life. Turns out to be just what I was looking for: a ritual that's less about dying and more about opening the door to whatever comes next.
在我的成長過程, 大部分人只活到七十幾歲。 現代人活得更久了, 在人類史上第一次, 四代同堂是常見的狀況。 我現在七十一歲, 若運氣不錯, 我還可以活二十或三十年。 現在就把我的東西送人, 分享給我的朋友、 家人,希望也有陌生人, 似乎是進入我人生 下個階段的完美方式。 我發現這就是我一直在尋找的: 一個儀式,重點不是死亡, 而是打開一扇門 通往接下來會發生的事。
Thank you.
謝謝。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
Onward!
向前行!
(Applause)
(掌聲)