I am a late bloomer. In fact, a friend of mine you may have heard of -- Chris Rock -- he once called me the most late-blooming mofo he’d ever met.
我是一个晚熟的人。 事实上,我的一个朋友, 你们可能听说过—— 克里斯·洛克(Chris Rock)—— 他曾说我是他见过最晚熟的家伙。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Now, some people might consider that snide, but I revel in it. I’m 55, and I’m here in this curvy body as someone who has done the work, lived the life walked the walk in these very high heels --
现在,有些人可能觉得那是嘲讽, 但我却乐在其中。 我 55 岁了, 我努力保持着好身材, 还穿着非常高跟的高跟鞋 去工作、生活和走路——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
and therefore is qualified to testify in the church and in the court of law that it does, in fact, get greater later.
才得以获得在教堂 和法庭上作证的资格。 事实上,自此以后一切都在变得更好。
(Applause and cheers)
(掌声和欢呼)
Now coming to this realization wasn’t easy. At the age of 38, I was a very successful fashion advertising executive, and I was really living what most people considered a dream life. I was jet-setting to fashion shows; I was receiving free designer clothes; I was double-kissing my way across the globe.
意识到这一点并非易事。 在我 38 岁的时候, 我是一名非常成功的时尚广告主管, 我真的过着对大多数人 来说是梦想中的生活。 我不停地私人飞机参加时装秀; 我不停地收到免费的名牌服饰; 我在环游世界的路上 不停地亲吻别人脸颊。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I was. And, you know, it was everything that I ever wanted it to be, and then one day I realized I was only pretending to be happy. But I couldn’t blow up my good life in my prime earning years, right? Wrong. Which leads me to lessons my mother Lolly taught me.
真的。 你知道,这就是我想要的一切, 然后有一天我意识到, 我只是在假装开心, 但我不能在我收入最好的时候 毁掉我的美好生活,对吧? 不对。 这让我想起了我妈妈洛莉对我的教导。
Lolly’s number one lesson: don’t settle. Don’t settle. Now I’m aware that my well-paying, glamorous career is not exactly the humdrum, “I hate my job” stereotype that most people equate with settling. But it was a settle for me, because when I actually did quit my job at the age of 38, it was with the intention that every day be a great adventure. Now sometimes it was a very scary adventure, like being broke from the age of 40 to 45. But even still, I wouldn’t trade that for the safe and settled version, because if I had, I would not be here with y’all today.
洛莉的第一课: 不要妥协。 不要妥协。 现在我意识到,我的高薪、 光鲜亮丽的工作给我的感觉, 并不像大多数人认为的那样, 在安定后产生的乏味感—— 那种“我讨厌工作”这种刻板印象。 但它对我来说是一种妥协, 因为当我真的在 38 岁辞掉工作时, 我的预想是每天 都将是一次伟大的冒险。 但有时它会是非常可怕的冒险, 就像在 40 岁到 45岁 时破了产。 但即便如此, 我也没有死守安稳的生活, 因为如果我那样做了, 我今天就不会站在这里了。
(Applause and cheers)
(掌声和欢呼)
Yeah. So you know how when you like, buck the system and go against the status quo, it makes people really uncomfortable? And invariably, people will ask, “Where do you get your confidence?”
是的。 所以你知道,当你对体制产生不满, 不安于现状, 会让人们感觉很不舒服吗? 无一例外,他们总是会问, “你哪儿来的自信?”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Now some people mean it as a compliment, but very often it’s shady ...
有些人认为这是一种恭维, 但很多时候不一定是……
(Laughter)
(笑声)
and it's a silent judgment. And to those people, I respond with a quote from this Brooklyn poet you may have heard of, Jay-Z.
这是一种无声的批评。 对于这些人, 用一句你们可能听过的布鲁克林诗人 Jay-Z 的话。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
“She get it from her mama.” I am she, and my mama is the epitome of a grown-ass woman: someone who has always been very comfortable in her skin. In 1965, my mom was 37 years old. She already had one child, my big brother, Gerry, and she married my dad, but she kept her maiden name. And then she had my sister Stephanie and I back-to-back, but she continued to work because she refused to be beholden to my dad for money. And I bet my mom was the only woman in our neighborhood who cooked once a week. She made Sunday dinner. It was an extravaganza, but that’s all she did. She cooked one day a week.
“她从她妈妈那里学来的。” 我就是诗中的“她”, 而我妈妈是一个成熟女性的缩影: 她总是对自己特别自信的一个人。 1965 年,我妈妈 37 岁。 她已经有了一个孩子, 我的大哥,格里, 之后她嫁给了我的爸爸, 但她保留了她的娘家姓。 然后她接连生下了 我的姐姐斯蒂芬妮和我, 但她还坚持工作, 因为她拒绝在金钱上完全依赖我的父亲。 我敢打赌,我妈妈是我们街区唯一一个, 每周只做一次饭的女人。 她只做周日晚餐。 那是一顿盛宴, 但她也就只做那一顿。 她每周只在那一天里做饭,
My mom is just amazing. And she also had this ability of talking to her children about real life and making sure that we understood the virtues of going your own way, which is why I believe today at the age of 94, and a recent widow, my mom is still carving out ways to find and determine and define her own version of happiness. She cooks for herself. She maintains her home exactly as she sees fit. She enjoys champagne and R-rated films.
我的妈妈太赞了。 她也有能力和她的孩子谈论真实的生活, 并确保我们理解走自己的路是好的, 这就是为什么我相信 我那位如今已 94 岁高龄, 且刚失去丈夫的妈妈, 依然在刻苦钻研方法 去寻找、确定和定义属于自己的幸福。 她给自己做饭。 她完全按照她认为合适的方式 来打理她的家, 她喜欢香槟和 R 级影片。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause)
(掌声)
My mom has managed to maintain her glamour, her sex appeal, you know, her independence. And I really hope some of that rubs off on me.
我妈妈成功地保持了她的魅力、 她的性感, 和她的独立。 我真的希望这能影响到我。
You know, recently I’ve been thinking about one of the best lessons that my mom ever taught me, which is the literal beauty in aging. Now, we all know that Black don’t crack, right? OK... Black don’t crack. So at the age of 50, my mom could have easily passed for the age of 35. And you know, that’s back during the time when people -- women were really coy about their age. “Oh, a lady never tells her age.” My mom never subscribed to that. She was always proud of her age. As a matter of fact, she believes you may not tell your age, but your hands and your neck will.
最近我一直在思考 我妈妈教给我的最好的一课, 那就是字面上的衰老之美。 现在,我们都知道黑人不显老,对吧? 好吧…… 黑人是不显老。 所以在我妈妈 50 岁的时候, 她很容易被误以为是 35 岁。 你们知道,在这个年龄段当人们—— 女性会避而不谈她们的年龄。 “噢,一位女士 永远不会透露她自己的年龄。” 我妈妈从来都不认同这个观点。 她总是为自己的年龄感到骄傲。 事实上, 她认为就算你不说你的年龄, 但你的手和脖子会。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
So make peace with aging, or prepare for an entire wardrobe of gloves and turtlenecks.
所以接受衰老吧, 或者准备好一整柜的手套和高领衣服。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Yeah, my mom has always done these wonderful things like that, but I wish she could rub off on everyone because I feel like now I’m looking at even 20-somethings who have a fear of aging. I watch them on social media, like, you know, compulsively practiclng the latest 10-second dance craze, and it feels like their angsty and asking, “Is that all there is?” And I just want to yell, “Yes, that is all there is if all you’re going to do is settle for dancing to someone else’s TikTok beat!”
是的,我妈妈总是做这种奇妙的事情, 但我希望她能够感染每一个人, 因为我觉得,现在我看到, 甚至 20 多岁的人都害怕变老。 比如,我在社交媒体上看到她们 强迫自己学会最流行的 10 秒钟的舞蹈, 感觉她们像是在焦虑地问, “只有这些吗?” 我只想大喊, “是的,如果你只满足于 跟着别人的抖音节拍跳舞, 那就只有这些了!”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause and cheers)
(掌声和欢呼声)
Settling is very insidious. It keeps us dancing on this string, waiting for this elusive, better day to miraculously appear. Now thanks to Lolly’s tutelage, that’s not my story. In fact, I take each day as it comes but I try to make it better than the last.
妥协往往时不知不觉的。 它使我们在这根弦上跳舞, 并等待着难得的、更好的日子 奇迹般地出现。 多亏了洛莉的指导, 那不是我的故事。 事实上,我会过好每一天, 而且我会努力把 每一天过得比昨天更好。
So, you know, I’m single ... but I’m always ready to mingle.
我是单身…… 但我一直在为交往做准备。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I’m an entrepreneur, but I keep multiple revenue streams. I’m a solo traveler, which means I’ve done the sepia version of “Eat, Pray, Love” on six continents. Because I don’t settle. What that means is that I also don’t second-guess my decisions, and I’m also not worried about my future because I’m firmly rooted in the present. Settling is a really sinister thing. It will keep you up at night tossing and turning, trying to figure out why and trying to answer that age-old question of “Is that all there is?” Personally, I don’t have time for that, because the only time I want to be kept up all night long tossing and turning is when I’m in the company of a fine-ass man.
我是一个企业家, 但我有多种收入来源。 我是一个独自旅行的人, 这意味着我已经在六大洲 完成了“美食、祈祷、恋爱”的旅程, 因为我不甘妥协。 这意味着我也不会在事后评价我的决定, 并且我也不会为我的未来担忧, 因为我会坚定地活在当下。 安定下来真的是一件灾难性的事情。 它会让你夜不能寐,辗转反侧 试图找出原因, 并试图回答那个古老的问题 “只能如此了吗?” 就我而言,我没有时间去想这些, 因为唯一一次让我整夜辗转反侧的还是 我在公司里 遇见一个翘臀男士的时候。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause and cheers)
(掌声和欢呼)
That's it.
就那一次。
(Applause)
(掌声)
I wish I could tell you guys that I learned all these valuable lessons from Lolly and they were instilled in me and it was great, but alas, I am a late bloomer in all regards. So I had to learn a couple of lessons from the era of Bitchy Bevy. What kind of person has 10 assistants in five years? Bitchy Bevy, that’s who.
我希望我能够告诉你们 我从洛莉那里学到的所有的宝贵经验, 它们被灌输给了我,这样很好, 但是,我在各方面都是一个晚熟的人。 所以我不得不从 “小贱贱的贝维” 时代吸取一些教训。 什么样的人会在 5 年内换 10 个助手? “小贱贱贝维”,就是我。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Now I didn’t start out my career with a toxic attitude. No, initially I was really happy to be in the fashion industry. You know, but then I began to compare my trajectory to others, and I also began to feel burned out because I was burdened by these personas that I had created that were allegedly going to help me progress in my career. I made a couple of mistakes. One, I thought that being snarky was a good career move. It wasn’t. I also thought I look good in the color brown. I actually don’t.
我不会以一种有害的态度 来开启我的职业生涯。 不,刚开始我真的 很高兴能在时尚界工作。 但后来我开始将自己的职业生涯 和其他人的进行比较, 我也开始感到精疲力尽, 因为我被自己想象出来的 貌似有助于我在职业生涯中 进步的角色所苦恼。 我犯了几个错误。 第一,我认为说风凉话会有助于职业发展, 其实它不是。 我也认为我穿棕色比较好看, 其实我错了。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Yeah.
是的。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
And, you know, I just -- in my dream montage, I wanted to get away from Bitchy Bevy. I wanted to get away from the color brown. And so in the movie version of my life, as soon as I quit my job, I’m a yoga guru. I’m extremely limber and very happy. Come to think of it though, guys, I’m actually limber and happy right now. But I would be lying -- and I believe it is against international law to lie during a TED Talk --
要知道,我只是—— 在我梦想中的画面, 我想逃离“小贱贱贝维”, 我想摆脱棕色。 所以在我电影版本似的生活里, 我一辞掉工作, 就成了一个瑜伽达人。 我非常柔软,也非常开心。 仔细想想,朋友们, 我现在实际上也很柔软,很开心。 但我可能在撒谎—— 我相信在 TED 演讲上撒谎 是违反国际法的——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
so I’m not going to do that. And as a matter of fact, my insecurities popped back up as late as last year. I was minding my business, as one does, perusing social media, and I saw people excelling in a space where I, you know, traditionally had a lot of success. So I’m looking at it and I’m like, “Well, why the hell they ain’t call me for that job?” And I have this, like, angst, and then I realize they didn’t call me for that job because you already said you didn’t want that job. You told the universe you weren’t into working like that. You don’t want a job -- I really don’t.
所以我不会那样做。 事实上,我的不安感早在去年就出现了, 我在专心于我的生意, 在仔细阅读社交媒体时, 我看到人们在一个 我曾经取得过 很多成就的领域中表现出色。 然后我看着它就会想, “好吧,他们为什么不找我?” 我会有这种焦虑, 然后我意识到他们没有找我 是因为你已经说过 你不想要那份工作了。 你已经告诉全世界你 不想再做那份工作了, 你不想要的一份工作—— 我真的不想。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I’m not into it. So... that’s why it happened. And what I realize is that intellectually I had grown and evolved, but emotionally ... I was Tom Petty and I was living in “Petticoat Junction.”
我不感兴趣。 因此…… 所以才会这样。 我意识到我在思想上有了成长和进步, 但是在感性上…… 我就是汤姆·佩蒂(Tom Petty), 我一直活在电视剧 《Petticoat Junction》的世界。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I told y’all that brown doesn’t look good on me; petty looks even worse. It’s not my shade. And so what I wound up having to do was really get a grip. I had to assess a few things about myself, and I decided to do a little self-help ritual called ... “Take a note, give a note.” It’s easy. When you see someone having something that you believe you deserve, you take a note. You ask yourself a few questions. Is it something that you really want? Perhaps that person is better suited than you are for that. Does the universe -- is the universe conspiring for you to have that? Really kind of try and be honest with who you are and where you’re at in life. Once you do that, you take a deep breath --
我告诉过你们棕色不适合我; 琐碎的棕色看起来更糟糕。 这个颜色不适合我, 所以我不得不做的是控制自己。 我不得不对自己的一些事情进行评估, 我决定做一个小小的自助仪式,叫做…… “写下笔记,给予笔记” 这很简单。 当你看到某人拥有 你觉得是自己应得的东西时, 你就写下来。 你问自己几个问题。 这是你真正想要的吗? 或许那个人比你更合适。 世界是否—— 世界会暗中帮你拥有它吗? 真的试着诚实地面对你是谁, 你在生活中处于什么位置。 一旦你这样做了,你深呼吸——
(Inhales)
(吸气声)
and you say, “Their wins have nothing to do with my worthiness.” And then you’re ready to give a note. You go on social media, and you say congratulations. Or my personal favorite, you pick up the phone, like it’s the 20th century, and you say, “Congratulations, kudos, you did that, Al! You go, girl!” You do all the things. Instantly you feel like a better human being because you have actually extended grace. You’ve extended grace. You’ve extended grace to someone else. And I believe that when you remove malice from your heart, not only do you feel better, you look better. I think you lose your frown lines and your wrinkles lessen and your age spots disappear. I believe it’s better than Botox, extending grace. I do.
你说,“他们的胜利与我的价值无关。” 然后你就准备好给予笔记。 你回到社交媒体, 去说祝贺。 或者我个人最喜欢的是, 你拿起电话,就像是在 20 世纪那样, 然后你说,“祝贺你, 恭喜你,你做到了,艾尔! 你太赞了吧,姑娘!” 做了这些事情, 你马上就能感受到自己是一个更好的人, 因为实际上你已经变得更加有风度了。 你自身更加有风度了, 你对待其他人也更加有风度了。 而且我相信当你把怨恨从心里抹去后, 你不仅会感到更好,你看起来也会更好。 我认为当你不再眉头紧锁时, 你的皱纹会变少、老年斑会消失。 我相信提高风度所带来的效果 比保妥适除皱针更好。 我真的相信。
(Applause)
(掌声)
Yeah. No, but let me get back to the note thing. So one of my favorite notes is from Willie Shakespeare. “To thine own self be true.” Now we’ve all read self-help books, and the first line of defense is always “Be your most authentic self.” And I believe in that. I believe that nobody can be you but you, so you might as well show up and show out. But here’s the quandary that the bard never put forth. What if you don’t really know who you are because you suppressed your inner self? You’ve suppressed the core of you. You’ve suppressed the best parts of you because you took on these other identities and these personas in an effort to make your life better. Because, you know, we all buy into some things about what we’re supposed to be doing and who we’re supposed to be. So what if you squelch that? Because I know I had to excavate to dig up a Little Brown Bevy. But the way I found her was with three questions. Who am I at my core? How am I being perceived? How would I like to be perceived?
是的。 但是让我回到笔记的事情上。 我最喜欢的名言之一 是威利·莎士比亚说的。 “忠于你自己。” 现在我们都读过自助类书籍, 第一条提议永远是 “做最真实的自己。” 我相信这一点。 我相信,除了你自己, 没有人能够成为你, 所以你不妨试着去做一下。 但是诗人莎士比亚从未解答一个困惑。 如果你因为压抑了内心的自己 而不能真正了解自己该怎么办? 你压抑了自己的核心。 你压抑了自己最好的部分, 为了让自己的生活更好, 你扮演了其他的身份和角色。 因为,我们都相信我们应该做什么, 我们应该成为什么样的人。 但如果你压制了它会怎样呢? 因为我知道我必须发掘 才能发现我内心的“小棕色的贝维”。 但我通过三个问题找到了她。 我的内心是谁? 我的感受是怎样的? 感受到了我会怎么样呢?
Who am I at my core? At my core I’m looking to authentically connect with people. I don't like a cursory, you know, interaction, and I do not believe in networking. I like an authentic connection. I’m also curious and I’m adventurous and I’m kind and I’ve got big dreams.
我的内心是谁? 在我的内心深处,我希望与人真诚沟通。 我不喜欢草率的交流, 我也不相信网络。 我喜欢真实的连接。 我也很好奇、喜欢冒险、 很善良, 还有远大的梦想。
How am I being perceived? Well, y’all know the nickname, Bitchy Bevy ... so, duh. But here’s the problem. There’s a lot of power in that persona, and I actually really enjoyed it for a time, you know, because you can make a lot of money being a bitch, especially in fashion.
我的感受是怎样的? 好吧,你们都知道这个绰号, “小贱贱贝维”…… 因此,哒。 但是问题来了。 这个角色有很大的力量, 我真的很喜欢它,要知道, 因为当一个“小贱人”可以赚很多钱, 尤其是在时尚界。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
But it’s also incredibly lonely and isolating, and I didn’t want to live that life anymore. And so I decided to change my life. And I left all of that alone. I really did, like, just change my spirit. And leaving fashion obviously helped. And when I did that, all of a sudden, I let Little Brown Bevy out to play.
但它也会让人感到极其孤独无助, 我不想再过那样的生活了。 所以我决定改变我的生活, 我放弃了一切。 我真的做到了,我改变了我的精神。 离开时尚界显然是有帮助的。 当我这样做的时候, 突然,我释放出了“小棕色的贝维”。
Little Brown Bevy. I love her so much. Little Brown Bevy is a nerdy girl, and so I let my nerdy pursuits come out to play. I must have joined every museum on Museum Mile in New York City. I began to travel the world just to look at architecture I had always dreamed of. I learned how to be alone without being lonely. My spirit shifted. I became a better person. You can ask people -- I became a better person.
“小棕色的贝维”, 我非常爱她。 她是一个书呆子女孩, 所以我把我的书呆子放出来玩。 我想自己已经参观过纽约市 博物馆大道上的所有博物馆了。 我开始周游世界, 只是为了看看我一直梦想的建筑。 我学会了如何独处而不孤独, 我的精神改变了。 我变成了一个更好的人。 你可以问别人—— 我变成了一个更好的人。
And now I get to stand here in front of you guys with no bravado, with nothing to prove, I tell you, with nothing to prove. I’m not trying to prove nothing to y’all.
我现在敢站在你们的面前,这样说, 没有虚张声势, 没有什么好证明的, 我告诉你们,没有什么好证明的。 我不想向你们证明什么。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause)
(掌声)
(Cheers and applause)
(欢呼和掌声)
Thank you.
谢谢!
(Applause and cheers)
(掌声和欢呼)
I have an open heart. And I can’t even believe that Little Brown Bevy from 150th Street and Eighth Avenue, from the hamlet of Harlem, is now an award-winning radio and TV host, an author, an actress, a creative consultant. I would do all those things for free. But here’s the thing. I ain’t cheap, and I’m definitely not free, so don't get any ideas.
我有一个开放的心态。 我甚至不敢相信 来自哈莱姆的一个小村庄里 第八大道、第 150 街的“小棕色的贝维”, 现在是一个获奖的电台和电视主持人, 一个作家, 一个演员, 一个创意顾问。 我愿意免费做所有这些事情。 但问题是。 我不便宜,我肯定也不会免费, 所以不要有任何想法。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause)
(掌声)
But I am here in this “Mama I made it” moment as someone who can show up as her most Bevyest self because I’ve done the work. Yeah, my most Bevyest self. So, you know, I’m going to show up -- some of you’ve met me -- you know I’m vibrant and boisterous, AKA loud. OK, you know that I’m going to show up, and I’ve got a pep in my high heel, red-bottom step. I do have heaving cleavage.
但在这个“妈妈,我成功了”的时刻, 我能够展现出最贝维的一面, 因为我已经做到了。 是的,我最贝维的自己。 所以,你知道,我想要被关注—— 你们中的一些人已经见过我了—— 你们知道我充满活力又吵闹, 是个大嗓门。 好吧,你们知道我会出现, 高跟鞋、红毯会给我带来活力。 我的确有很深的乳沟。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
And I’ve got a tell-it-like-it-is approach to life that’s always dosed with a ladle of love.
我对生活的态度就是直言不讳, 这种态度掺杂着爱意。
It took me 55 years to get here. So, Chris Rock, you’re right. I’m a late bloomer. And that’s OK. Because I’m right on time, Because it gets greater later.
我花了 55 年才走到了这里。 所以,克里斯·洛克,你是对的。 我是一个晚熟的人, 但没关系。 因为这就是我人生的时间表, 因为以后会变得更好。
Thank you.
谢谢!
(Applause and cheers)
(掌声和欢呼声)