My seven-year-old grandson sleeps just down the hall from me, and he wakes up a lot of mornings and he says, "You know, this could be the best day ever." And other times, in the middle of the night, he calls out in a tremulous voice, "Nana, will you ever get sick and die?"
從我房間走過大廳, 就是我七歲孫子睡覺的地方, 他早上常常會醒來, 他會說: 「今天搞不好是最棒的一天!」 其他時候,在大半夜時, 他會用顫抖的聲音大喊: 「奶奶,你會不會生病死掉?」
I think this pretty much says it for me and most of the people I know, that we're a mixed grill of happy anticipation and dread. So I sat down a few days before my 61st birthday, and I decided to compile a list of everything I know for sure. There's so little truth in the popular culture, and it's good to be sure of a few things.
我想他說出了我和多數人的心聲, 我們是快樂預期和懼怕的 混合體。 所以我在六十一歲生日的 前幾天坐下來, 決定匯整一份清單, 列出所有我確切知道的事。 在流行文化中的真相太少了, 若能有幾件確定的事會很好。
For instance, I am no longer 47, although this is the age I feel, and the age I like to think of myself as being. My friend Paul used to say in his late 70s that he felt like a young man with something really wrong with him.
比如,我不再是四十七歲了, 雖然我感覺像是四十七歲, 我也希望自己是四十七歲。 我朋友保羅在快要八十歲時會說, 他覺得自己是個 身體很有問題的年輕人。
(Laughter)
( 笑聲 )
Our true person is outside of time and space, but looking at the paperwork, I can, in fact, see that I was born in 1954. My inside self is outside of time and space. It doesn't have an age. I'm every age I've ever been, and so are you, although I can't help mentioning as an aside that it might have been helpful if I hadn't followed the skin care rules of the '60s, which involved getting as much sun as possible while slathered in baby oil and basking in the glow of a tinfoil reflector shield.
真正的我們,是超越時間與空間的, 但看看書面文件, 我知道事實上我生於 1954 年。 我的內在自我是超越時間與空間的。 它並沒有年齡。 我的年齡是我活過的 任何年齡,你也一樣, 不過我忍不住順道一提, 如果我當初沒有聽信六〇年代的 護膚原則,可能會有點幫助, 那時的原則是盡可能多曬太陽, 同時要大量塗抹嬰兒油, 在一塊錫製反光板 所反射的陽光中做日光浴。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
It was so liberating, though, to face the truth that I was no longer in the last throes of middle age, that I decided to write down every single true thing I know. People feel really doomed and overwhelmed these days, and they keep asking me what's true. So I hope that my list of things I'm almost positive about might offer some basic operating instructions to anyone who is feeling really overwhelmed or beleaguered.
不過,面對真相的感覺很解放, 面對我的中年已經過去的事實, 我決定寫下每一件 我確定是真實的事情。 最近,人們感到不幸、無法承受, 他們一直問我,什麼才是真實的。 所以我希望在這份清單中 列出我幾乎可肯定的事情, 也許可以提供些基本的操作指引, 給那些感到無法承受 或身陷困境的人。
Number one: the first and truest thing is that all truth is a paradox. Life is both a precious, unfathomably beautiful gift, and it's impossible here, on the incarnational side of things. It's been a very bad match for those of us who were born extremely sensitive. It's so hard and weird that we sometimes wonder if we're being punked. It's filled simultaneously with heartbreaking sweetness and beauty, desperate poverty, floods and babies and acne and Mozart, all swirled together. I don't think it's an ideal system.
第一條: 第一件事也是最真實的一件事: 所有的真相都是矛盾。 人生是個珍貴的禮物, 其美麗深不可測, 而從事物的體現面來看, 它是很難忍受的。 對於生來就極度敏感的人來說, 它是個很糟的配對。 它是如此艱難和怪異, 以致於我們有時會想, 我們是否被耍了。 它同時充滿了 讓人心碎甜蜜與美麗、 絕望的貧困、 洪水、寶寶、青春痘,以及莫札特, 全都攪和在一起。 我不認為它是個理想的系統。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Number two: almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes --
第二條:任何東西不運轉了, 只要你把插頭拔掉幾分鐘, 它幾乎都會再次動起來。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
including you.
包括你也一樣。
Three: there is almost nothing outside of you that will help in any kind of lasting way, unless you're waiting for an organ. You can't buy, achieve or date serenity and peace of mind. This is the most horrible truth, and I so resent it. But it's an inside job, and we can't arrange peace or lasting improvement for the people we love most in the world. They have to find their own ways, their own answers. You can't run alongside your grown children with sunscreen and ChapStick on their hero's journey. You have to release them. It's disrespectful not to. And if it's someone else's problem, you probably don't have the answer, anyway.
第三條:幾乎沒有任何外在的人事物 能夠長久地幫助你, 除非你在等器官捐贈。 你無法買到、達到, 或約到寧靜以及安寧。 這是最糟的真相,我很討厭它。 但它是內在的工作, 我們無法為世界上我們最愛的人 安排平靜或是持續的改善。 他們得要自己找出方法, 找到自己的答案。 當你長大的孩子踏上 他們自己的英雄之旅時, 你不能帶著防曬油 和唇膏跑在他們身邊。 你得要放開他們。 這是對他們的尊重。 如果是別人的問題, 反正你八成也不會有答案。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Our help is usually not very helpful. Our help is often toxic. And help is the sunny side of control. Stop helping so much. Don't get your help and goodness all over everybody.
我們的幫助通常都不是很有幫助。 我們的幫助通常是有害的。 幫助,是控制的陽光面。 別再幫這麼多忙了。 別把你的幫助和善意 硬塞給每一個人。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
This brings us to number four: everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy and scared, even the people who seem to have it most together. They are much more like you than you would believe, so try not to compare your insides to other people's outsides. It will only make you worse than you already are.
這就帶我們來到第四條: 每個人都是一團糟、破碎的、 依賴的、害怕的, 即使是身心狀態看似 都很好的人也一樣。 他們比你想像的還要像你, 所以試著不要拿你的內在 和其他人的外在做比較。 那樣只會讓你的狀況再下一層樓。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Also, you can't save, fix or rescue any of them or get anyone sober. What helped me get clean and sober 30 years ago was the catastrophe of my behavior and thinking. So I asked some sober friends for help, and I turned to a higher power. One acronym for God is the "gift of desperation," G-O-D, or as a sober friend put it, by the end I was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards.
此外,你也無法拯救、 照應,或援助他們, 也無法讓任何人戒酒過來。 三十年前協助我戒毒戒酒的, 是我的行為與思想所帶來的大災難。 我向清醒的朋友們尋求協助, 我轉向更高的力量。 「絕望的禮物」的字首縮寫正是神, G - O - D, 或是借用我清醒的朋友的說法, 到最後,我惡化的速度比我 降低標準的速度還要快。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So God might mean, in this case, "me running out of any more good ideas."
所以在這個例子中,神可能意味著 「我用光了所有的好點子。」
While fixing and saving and trying to rescue is futile, radical self-care is quantum, and it radiates out from you into the atmosphere like a little fresh air. It's a huge gift to the world. When people respond by saying, "Well, isn't she full of herself," just smile obliquely like Mona Lisa and make both of you a nice cup of tea. Being full of affection for one's goofy, self-centered, cranky, annoying self is home. It's where world peace begins.
雖然照應、拯救、 試圖援助,都是無益的, 極端的自我照顧可說是量子, 從你散發出來,進入大大氣中, 就像一點新鮮的空氣。 它是一份給予世界的大禮。 當人們的回應是說: 「她很自以為是,不是嗎?」 只要像蒙娜麗莎 那樣傾斜地微笑即可, 然後為你們兩人泡杯茶。 對你那愚蠢、自我中心、 怪脾氣、又惱人的 自我充滿情感, 就是家。 那就是世界和平開始的地方。
Number five: chocolate with 75 percent cacao is not actually a food.
第五條: 有 75% 可可的巧克力 其實算不上是食物。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Its best use is as a bait in snake traps or to balance the legs of wobbly chairs. It was never meant to be considered an edible.
它最好的用途是 當作捕蛇陷阱中的餌, 或是墊在不穩定的椅子 腳下來讓它平衡。 它從來就不該被認為是可食用的。
Number six --
第六條:
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
writing. Every writer you know writes really terrible first drafts, but they keep their butt in the chair. That's the secret of life. That's probably the main difference between you and them. They just do it. They do it by prearrangement with themselves. They do it as a debt of honor. They tell stories that come through them one day at a time, little by little. When my older brother was in fourth grade, he had a term paper on birds due the next day, and he hadn't started. So my dad sat down with him with an Audubon book, paper, pencils and brads -- for those of you who have gotten a little less young and remember brads -- and he said to my brother, "Just take it bird by bird, buddy. Just read about pelicans and then write about pelicans in your own voice. And then find out about chickadees, and tell us about them in your own voice. And then geese."
寫作。 你認識的每一位作家, 寫出的初稿都非常糟, 但他們坐在椅子上繼續寫下去。 那就是人生的秘密。 那可能就是你和他們 之間的主要差異。 他們只管去做。 他們用預先安排的方式去做。 他們把這事當作信譽債去做。 他們訴說透過他們來體現的故事, 一次一天,一點一點來。 當我哥哥小學四年級時, 他有一份關於鳥的 學期報告隔天就要交出, 他都還沒開始寫。 所以我爸爸和他一起坐下來, 拿著一本奧杜邦的書、 紙、筆、和曲頭釘── 在座應該有些人沒有那麼年輕, 所以還記得曲頭釘是什麼── 他對我哥哥說: 「伙計,只要一次一隻鳥就好。 只管去閱讀鵜鶘的資訊, 然後用你自己的 表達方式來寫出鵜鶘。 接著去研究山雀, 再用你自己的表達方式 來告訴我們山雀。 接著是鵝。」
So the two most important things about writing are: bird by bird and really god-awful first drafts. If you don't know where to start, remember that every single thing that happened to you is yours, and you get to tell it. If people wanted you to write more warmly about them, they should've behaved better.
所以關於寫作最重要的 兩點是:一次一隻鳥, 以及糟透了的初稿。 如果你不知道從何開始, 切記,發生在你身上的 每一件事,都是屬於你的, 而你可以訴說它們。 如果人們要你用比較 溫暖的方式來寫他們, 那他們早就該表現好些。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
You're going to feel like hell if you wake up someday and you never wrote the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart: your stories, memories, visions and songs -- your truth, your version of things -- in your own voice. That's really all you have to offer us, and that's also why you were born.
你將會覺得很悲慘, 如果有一天你醒來, 發現你始終沒有寫下 那些觸動到你心的事物: 你的故事、記憶、所見、歌曲── 你的真相, 你對事物的說法── 用你自己的表達方式。 那就是你能給予我們的一切, 那也是你為什麼出生的原因。
Seven: publication and temporary creative successes are something you have to recover from. They kill as many people as not. They will hurt, damage and change you in ways you cannot imagine. The most degraded and evil people I've ever known are male writers who've had huge best sellers. And yet, returning to number one, that all truth is paradox, it's also a miracle to get your work published, to get your stories read and heard. Just try to bust yourself gently of the fantasy that publication will heal you, that it will fill the Swiss-cheesy holes inside of you. It can't. It won't. But writing can. So can singing in a choir or a bluegrass band. So can painting community murals or birding or fostering old dogs that no one else will.
第七條:你得從出版 以及暫時的創意成功 當中恢復。 如果你沒有,你就會被它們扼殺。 它們會用你無法想像的方式 傷害、損毀、改變你。 我所知道最墮落、最邪惡的人, 是有過大賣暢銷書的男作家。 但回到第一條, 所有真相都是矛盾, 能讓你的作品被出版, 讓你的故事被人閱讀、聽見, 也是一項奇蹟。 只要試著輕輕將空想給打破, 別再認為出版會治癒你、 會填滿你內心像瑞士起司 表面一樣布滿的洞。 它不能。 它不會。 但寫作可以做到這些。 在合唱團或藍草鄉村樂團中 唱歌也可以。 在社區牆壁上作畫或是賞鳥, 或是領養沒人要的老狗也可以。
Number eight: families. Families are hard, hard, hard, no matter how cherished and astonishing they may also be. Again, see number one.
第八條:家人。 家人很不容易, 很不容易,很不容易, 不論他們也是多麼 被珍惜及令人驚訝。 同樣的,再看一下第一條。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
At family gatherings where you suddenly feel homicidal or suicidal --
若在家庭聚會中,你突然 覺得想殺人或是自殺──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
remember that in all cases, it's a miracle that any of us, specifically, were conceived and born. Earth is forgiveness school. It begins with forgiving yourself, and then you might as well start at the dinner table. That way, you can do this work in comfortable pants.
要記得,在所有的情況中, 我們每一個人能被生出來, 都是一個奇蹟。 地球是一所教寬恕的學校。 它始於寬恕你自己, 接著你不妨就從餐桌開始。 這樣,你就可以穿著 舒適的褲子來做這項工作。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
When William Blake said that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love, he knew that your family would be an intimate part of this, even as you want to run screaming for your cute little life. But I promise you are up to it. You can do it, Cinderella, you can do it, and you will be amazed.
威廉.布萊克說,我們在這裡, 是要學習去忍受愛的光芒, 他知道你的家庭會是 這其中很親密的一部分, 即使你想要為你可愛的 小小人生邊跑邊大叫。 但我保證,你可以勝任它。 你可以做到,灰姑娘,你可以做到, 而你將會感到驚奇。
Nine: food. Try to do a little better. I think you know what I mean.
第九條:食物。 試著做好一點點。 我想你知道我的意思。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Number 10 --
第十條:
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
grace. Grace is spiritual WD-40, or water wings. The mystery of grace is that God loves Henry Kissinger and Vladimir Putin and me exactly as much as He or She loves your new grandchild. Go figure.
優雅。 優雅是靈性的 WD-40, (譯註:知名的防鏽潤滑油) 或學習游泳的浮袋。 優雅之謎是:神愛亨利.季辛吉 及佛拉迪米爾.普丁, 還有我, 愛的程度就完全跟 祂愛你的新生孫子一樣。 自己去想。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
The movement of grace is what changes us, heals us and heals our world. To summon grace, say, "Help," and then buckle up. Grace finds you exactly where you are, but it doesn't leave you where it found you. And grace won't look like Casper the Friendly Ghost, regrettably. But the phone will ring or the mail will come and then against all odds, you'll get your sense of humor about yourself back. Laughter really is carbonated holiness. It helps us breathe again and again and gives us back to ourselves, and this gives us faith in life and each other. And remember -- grace always bats last.
是優雅的動作在 改變我們、治癒我們, 及治癒我們的世界。 要召喚優雅,喊聲「救命」, 然後繫好安全帶。 優雅會找到你的所在, 但它不會把你丟在它找到你的地方。 優雅看起來並不像鬼馬小精靈, 很遺憾。 但電話會響起,或信件會寄來, 接著,儘管困難重重, 你會找回對你自己的幽默感。 笑,其實就是含二氧化碳的神聖。 它協助我們一而再再而三地呼吸, 並把我們還給我們自己, 這給予了我們對人生 以及對彼此的信念。 切記──優雅總是最後才出擊。
Eleven: God just means goodness. It's really not all that scary. It means the divine or a loving, animating intelligence, or, as we learned from the great "Deteriorata," "the cosmic muffin." A good name for God is: "Not me." Emerson said that the happiest person on Earth is the one who learns from nature the lessons of worship. So go outside a lot and look up. My pastor said you can trap bees on the bottom of mason jars without lids because they don't look up, so they just walk around bitterly bumping into the glass walls. Go outside. Look up. Secret of life.
第十一條:神只意味著善良。 它並沒有那麼可怕。 它意味著神聖或慈愛、 有生氣的智慧, 或是如我們從偉大的詩 「Deteriorata」中所學到的, 「宇宙鬆餅」。 神有一個好名字:「不是我」。 艾默生說,地球上最快樂的人, 是從大自然的崇拜課程學習的人。 所以,要常常出門並向上看。 我的牧師說,你可以把蜜蜂 困在無蓋的寬口玻璃罐底部, 因為牠們不會向上看, 所以牠們就痛苦地來回走, 不斷撞著玻璃壁。 去外面。向上看。 這就是人生的秘密。
And finally: death. Number 12. Wow and yikes. It's so hard to bear when the few people you cannot live without die. You'll never get over these losses, and no matter what the culture says, you're not supposed to. We Christians like to think of death as a major change of address, but in any case, the person will live again fully in your heart if you don't seal it off. Like Leonard Cohen said, "There are cracks in everything, and that's how the light gets in." And that's how we feel our people again fully alive.
最後:死亡。 第十二條。 哇,還有,呀。 當那少數你無法失去的人過世, 是非常難承受的。 你永遠無法忘掉這些損失, 不論文化怎麼說, 你本來就不該忘掉。 我們基督徒偏好將死亡視為是 住址有很大的改變, 但在任何情況下,這個人都會 再次完全地活在你的心中, 只要你不把心給封起來。 如李歐納.柯恩說的: 「萬物皆有裂痕, 那是光照進來的地方。」 這就是我們如何感受到 我們的人再次完整地活著。
Also, the people will make you laugh out loud at the most inconvenient times, and that's the great good news. But their absence will also be a lifelong nightmare of homesickness for you. Grief and friends, time and tears will heal you to some extent. Tears will bathe and baptize and hydrate and moisturize you and the ground on which you walk.
此外,這些人會讓你 在最不適宜的時刻 大聲笑出來, 而那是很好的消息。 但他們不在了,這也會是 你一生懷念的惡夢。 悲傷及朋友,時間及眼淚, 能將你治癒到某個程度。 眼淚將會浸洗、洗禮、 濕潤、滋潤你, 以及你所行走的地面。
Do you know the first thing that God says to Moses? He says, "Take off your shoes." Because this is holy ground, all evidence to the contrary. It's hard to believe, but it's the truest thing I know. When you're a little bit older, like my tiny personal self, you realize that death is as sacred as birth. And don't worry -- get on with your life. Almost every single death is easy and gentle with the very best people surrounding you for as long as you need. You won't be alone. They'll help you cross over to whatever awaits us. As Ram Dass said, "When all is said and done, we're really just all walking each other home."
你們知道神對摩西說的第一句話嗎? 祂說:「脫下你的鞋子。」 因為這是神聖之地, 所有相反的證據。 很難相信,但這是 我所知道最真實的事。 當你再年長一點,就像 我那小小的個人自我, 你就會明白,死亡 是和出生一樣神聖的。 不要擔心──繼續過你的人生。 幾乎每一個死亡都是寬容且溫柔的, 有著最棒的人們圍繞在你身邊, 不論多久,只要你需要。 你不會孤單。 他們會協助你穿過任何 等在我們前方的事物。 如拉姆.達斯所言: 「當能說的說了,能做的做了, 我們其實都只是 在陪著彼此走回家。」
I think that's it, but if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.
我想,就這樣了, 但如果我有想到其他的, 我會讓你們知道。
Thank you.
謝謝。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
Thank you.
謝謝。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
I was very surprised to be asked to come, because it is not my realm, technology or design or entertainment. I mean, my realm is sort of faith and writing and kind of lurching along together. And I was surprised, but they said I could give a talk, and I said I'd love to.
我很意外會被邀請來此, 因為這不是我的領域, 科技或設計或娛樂。 我的意思是,我的領域 算是信仰和寫作, 有點像是一起蹣跚向前行。 我很意外, 但他們說我能做一場演說, 我說我很樂意。
(Video) If you don't know where to start, remember that every single thing that happened to you is yours and you get to tell it.
(影片)如果你不知道從何開始, 切記,發生在你身上的 每一件事,都是屬於你的, 而你可以訴說它們。
Anne Lamott: People are very frightened and feel really doomed in America these days, and I just wanted to help people get their sense of humor about it and to realize how much isn't a problem. If you take an action, take a really healthy or loving or friendly action, you'll have loving and friendly feelings.
安.拉莫特: 現今在美國,人們非常害怕, 且覺得在劫難逃, 我只是想要協助人們 找到對此的幽默感, 了解到它其實一點也不是個問題。 如果你採取行動, 採取一個非常健康、 慈愛,或友善的行動, 你就會有慈愛和友善的感受。