My seven-year-old grandson sleeps just down the hall from me, and he wakes up a lot of mornings and he says, "You know, this could be the best day ever." And other times, in the middle of the night, he calls out in a tremulous voice, "Nana, will you ever get sick and die?"
Moj sedmogodišnji unuk spava dole niz hodnik od mene i često ujutru kada se probudi kaže: „Znaš, ovo bi mogao da bude najbolji dan ikada.“ Drugi put, u sred noći doziva me drhtavim glasom, „Bako, da li ćeš se ti ikada razboleti i umreti?“
I think this pretty much says it for me and most of the people I know, that we're a mixed grill of happy anticipation and dread. So I sat down a few days before my 61st birthday, and I decided to compile a list of everything I know for sure. There's so little truth in the popular culture, and it's good to be sure of a few things.
Mislim da ovo prilično očigledno govori o meni i ljudima koje poznajem, da smo mešovit roštilj srećnog iščekivanja i očaja. Pa sam ja sela nekoliko dana pre mog 61. rođendana, i odlučila sam da sastavim listu svega onoga što znam sa sigurnošću. Toliko je malo istine u popularnoj kulturi i dobra je stvar kada ste sigurni u nekoliko stvari.
For instance, I am no longer 47, although this is the age I feel, and the age I like to think of myself as being. My friend Paul used to say in his late 70s that he felt like a young man with something really wrong with him.
Na primer, ja više nemam 47 godina, iako osećam da su to moje godine i godine koje volim da verujem da imam. Moj prijatelj Pol je govorio u svojim kasnim 70-im da se osećao kao mladić s kojim nešto ozbiljno nije u redu.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Our true person is outside of time and space, but looking at the paperwork, I can, in fact, see that I was born in 1954. My inside self is outside of time and space. It doesn't have an age. I'm every age I've ever been, and so are you, although I can't help mentioning as an aside that it might have been helpful if I hadn't followed the skin care rules of the '60s, which involved getting as much sun as possible while slathered in baby oil and basking in the glow of a tinfoil reflector shield.
Naša istinska ličnost je izvan prostora i vremena, ali gledajući u papirologiju, ja mogu, zapravo, da vidim da sam rođena u 1954. godini. Moje unutrašnje biće je izvan prostora i vremena. Ono nema godine. Ja sam sve godine koje sam ikada bila, i vi ste takođe, iako ne mogu a da ne pomenem dodatno da bi možda bilo od pomoći da nisam pratila pravila za negu kože iz '60-ih, koja su uključivala izlaganje suncu što je više moguće dok biste bili potpoljeni u ulje za bebe i tako se grejali u sjaju reflektora od folije.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
It was so liberating, though, to face the truth that I was no longer in the last throes of middle age, that I decided to write down every single true thing I know. People feel really doomed and overwhelmed these days, and they keep asking me what's true. So I hope that my list of things I'm almost positive about might offer some basic operating instructions to anyone who is feeling really overwhelmed or beleaguered.
Bilo je tako oslobađajuće, ipak, suočiti se sa istinom da ja više nisam bila u poslednjoj trci srednjih godina, da sam odlučila da zapišem svaku pojedinačnu istinitu stvar koju znam. Ljudi se osećaju prokletim i preplavljenim ovih dana, i stalno me zapitkuju šta je istina. Pa se nadam da će moja lista stvari oko kojih sam gotovo sigurna možda pružiti neka osnovna efikasna uputstva za sve koji se osećaju preplavljenim ili opkoljenim.
Number one: the first and truest thing is that all truth is a paradox. Life is both a precious, unfathomably beautiful gift, and it's impossible here, on the incarnational side of things. It's been a very bad match for those of us who were born extremely sensitive. It's so hard and weird that we sometimes wonder if we're being punked. It's filled simultaneously with heartbreaking sweetness and beauty, desperate poverty, floods and babies and acne and Mozart, all swirled together. I don't think it's an ideal system.
Broj jedan: prva i najistinitija stvar jeste da je svaka istina paradoks. Život je istovremeno vredan i nesumnjivo predivan poklon, i nemoguće je ovde, na ovaploćenoj strani stvari. Ovo je bila veoma loša utakmica za one od nas koji su rođeni ekstremno osetljivi. Veoma je teško i čudno da se ponekad zapitamo da li neko pokušava da nas nasamari. Prepun je istovremeno srceparajućom slašću i lepotom, očajničkom bedom, poplavama i bebama i aknama i Mocartom, svim tim u jednom zajedničkom vrtlogu. Ne mislim da je ovo idealan sistem.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Number two: almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes --
Broj dva: gotovo sve će ponovo raditi ako ga isključite na nekoliko minuta -
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
including you.
uključujući i vas.
Three: there is almost nothing outside of you that will help in any kind of lasting way, unless you're waiting for an organ. You can't buy, achieve or date serenity and peace of mind. This is the most horrible truth, and I so resent it. But it's an inside job, and we can't arrange peace or lasting improvement for the people we love most in the world. They have to find their own ways, their own answers. You can't run alongside your grown children with sunscreen and ChapStick on their hero's journey. You have to release them. It's disrespectful not to. And if it's someone else's problem, you probably don't have the answer, anyway.
Tri: Ne postoji gotovo ništa izvan vas što će vam pomoći na bilo koji trajan način osim ako čekate na organ. Ne možete da kupite, dostignete ili da budete u vezi sa spokojstvom i mirom uma. Ovo je najodvratnija istina, stoga je ja prezirem. Ali to je unutrašnji posao, i mi ne možemo da uredimo mir ili trajno poboljšanje za ljude koje volimo najviše na svetu. Oni moraju da pronađu sami svoj put, njihove sopstvene odgovore. Ne možete da trčite pored svoje odrasle dece sa kremom za sunčanje i labelom na njihovom herojskom putu. Morate da ih oslobodite. Nemate poštovanje prema njima ako to ne uradite. I ako je nečiji drugi problem u pitanju, verovatno nemate odgovor, ionako.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Our help is usually not very helpful. Our help is often toxic. And help is the sunny side of control. Stop helping so much. Don't get your help and goodness all over everybody.
Naša pomoć obično nije mnogo od pomoći. Naša pomoć je često toksična. A pomoć je sunčana strana kontrole. Prestanite da pomažete toliko. Nemojte da prosipate svoju pomoć i dobrotu po svima.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
This brings us to number four: everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy and scared, even the people who seem to have it most together. They are much more like you than you would believe, so try not to compare your insides to other people's outsides. It will only make you worse than you already are.
Ovo nas dovodi do broja četiri: svako je upropašćen, slomljen, zahtevan i uplašen, čak i ljudi za koje deluje da sve drže pod kontrolom. Oni su mnogo više kao vi nego što možete da poverujete, pa nemojte pokušavati da poredite svoju unutrašnjost sa tuđom spoljašnjosti. Samo će vam biti gore nego što već jeste.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Also, you can't save, fix or rescue any of them or get anyone sober. What helped me get clean and sober 30 years ago was the catastrophe of my behavior and thinking. So I asked some sober friends for help, and I turned to a higher power. One acronym for God is the "gift of desperation," G-O-D, or as a sober friend put it, by the end I was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards.
Takođe, ne možete da sačuvate, popravite ili spasite bilo koga od njih ili da bilo koga učinite treznim. Ono što je meni pomoglo da postanem čista i trezna pre 30 godina bilo je koliko sam se katastrofalno ponašala i razmišljala. Pa sam pitala neke trezne prijatelje za pomoć, i okrenula sam se višoj sili. Jedan akronim za boga je „poklon očaja“ B - O - G (engl. GOD: gift of desperation), ili kako je trezan prijatelj rekao, na kraju sam propadao brže nego što sam mogao da snizim svoje standarde.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
So God might mean, in this case, "me running out of any more good ideas."
Tako da bi bog, u ovom slučaju, mogao da znači „meni ponestaje dobrih ideja“.
While fixing and saving and trying to rescue is futile, radical self-care is quantum, and it radiates out from you into the atmosphere like a little fresh air. It's a huge gift to the world. When people respond by saying, "Well, isn't she full of herself," just smile obliquely like Mona Lisa and make both of you a nice cup of tea. Being full of affection for one's goofy, self-centered, cranky, annoying self is home. It's where world peace begins.
Dok je popravljanje i spašavanje i pokušaj da se spasi neko beskoristan, radikalna briga o sebi je kvantna i sija iz vas u atmosferu kao malo svežeg vazduha. Ogroman je poklon svetu. Kada ljudi odgovore tako što kažu: „Ona je baš puna sebe“, samo se nasmejte diskretno kao Mona Liza i napravite oboma lepu šolju čaja. Biti pun pažnje za jednog blesavog, sebičnog, mrzovoljnog, dosadnog sebe jeste kuća. To je mesto gde započinje mir u svetu.
Number five: chocolate with 75 percent cacao is not actually a food.
Broj pet: čokolada sa 75 posto kakaa zapravo nije hrana.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Its best use is as a bait in snake traps or to balance the legs of wobbly chairs. It was never meant to be considered an edible.
Najbolje je da se upotrebi kao mamac u zamkama za zmije ili da se izjednače nogice klimave stolice. Nikada nije trebalo da se smatra jestivom.
Number six --
Broj šest:
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
writing. Every writer you know writes really terrible first drafts, but they keep their butt in the chair. That's the secret of life. That's probably the main difference between you and them. They just do it. They do it by prearrangement with themselves. They do it as a debt of honor. They tell stories that come through them one day at a time, little by little. When my older brother was in fourth grade, he had a term paper on birds due the next day, and he hadn't started. So my dad sat down with him with an Audubon book, paper, pencils and brads -- for those of you who have gotten a little less young and remember brads -- and he said to my brother, "Just take it bird by bird, buddy. Just read about pelicans and then write about pelicans in your own voice. And then find out about chickadees, and tell us about them in your own voice. And then geese."
pisanje. Svaki pisac koga znate piše zaista očajne prve verzije, ali oni ostaju na stolicama. To je tajna života. To je najverovatnije glavna razlika između vas i njih. Oni to prosto učine. Oni to rade u prethodnom dogovoru sa sobom. Oni to rade kao obavezu prema časti. Oni govore priče koje dolaze kroz njih jedan po jedan dan, malo po malo. Kada je moj stariji brat bio četvrti razred, imao je seminarski rad o pticama koji je trebalo da preda sutradan a on još nije počeo. Pa je moj otac seo sa njim, knjigom Audobona, papirom, olovkama i ekserima - za one od vas koji su postali malo manje mladi i sećaju se eksera - i rekao je mom bratu, „Samo uzmi jednu po jednu pticu, druže.“ Samo pročitaj o pelikanima i onda piši o pelikanima svojim rečima. Onda saznaj o papagajima, i ispričaj nam o njima svojim rečima. I onda o guskama.“
So the two most important things about writing are: bird by bird and really god-awful first drafts. If you don't know where to start, remember that every single thing that happened to you is yours, and you get to tell it. If people wanted you to write more warmly about them, they should've behaved better.
Tako su dve najvažnije stvari u vezi sa pisanjem: ptica po ptica i zaista očajna prva verzija. Ako ne znate gde da počnete, zapamtite da svaka stvar koja vam se dogodila je vaša i vi imate priliku da je ispričate. Ako su ljudi hteli da pišete toplije o njima, trebalo je da se bolje ponašaju.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
You're going to feel like hell if you wake up someday and you never wrote the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart: your stories, memories, visions and songs -- your truth, your version of things -- in your own voice. That's really all you have to offer us, and that's also why you were born.
Osećaćete se kao u paklu ako se probudite jednog dana i nikada niste napisali stvari koje vise sa rukava vašeg srca: vaše priče, uspomene, vizije i pesme - vašu istinu, vašu verziju stvari - vašim rečima. To je zaista sve što možete da nam ponudite, i to je takođe razlog zašto ste se rodili.
Seven: publication and temporary creative successes are something you have to recover from. They kill as many people as not. They will hurt, damage and change you in ways you cannot imagine. The most degraded and evil people I've ever known are male writers who've had huge best sellers. And yet, returning to number one, that all truth is paradox, it's also a miracle to get your work published, to get your stories read and heard. Just try to bust yourself gently of the fantasy that publication will heal you, that it will fill the Swiss-cheesy holes inside of you. It can't. It won't. But writing can. So can singing in a choir or a bluegrass band. So can painting community murals or birding or fostering old dogs that no one else will.
Sedam: objavljivanja i trenutni kreativni uspesi jesu nešto od čega morate da se oporavite. Oni ubijaju isto onoliko ljudi koliko i ne ubiju. Oni će vas boleti, oštetiti i promeniti na načine koje ne možete da zamislite. Najdegradiraniji i zli ljudi koje sam ikad upoznala jesu muški pisci koji su imali velike bestselere. Pa ipak, vraćajući se na broj jedan, da je sva istina paradoks, takođe je čudo da objavite svoje delo, da učinite da se vaše priče pročitaju i čuju. Probajte da oslobodite sebe nežno od fantazije da će vas objavljivanje izlečiti, da će ispuniti rupe nalik švajcarskom siru unutar vas. Ne može. Neće. Ali pisanje može. Tako može i pevanje u horu ili u blugras bendu. Pa i slikanje zajedničkih murala ili posmatranje ptica ili briga o starim psima o kojima niko drugi neće.
Number eight: families. Families are hard, hard, hard, no matter how cherished and astonishing they may also be. Again, see number one.
Broj osam: porodice. Porodice su teške, teške, teške, bez obzira na to koliko dragocene i zapanjujuće takođe mogu da budu. Opet, pogledajte broj jedan.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
At family gatherings where you suddenly feel homicidal or suicidal --
Na porodičnim okupljanjima gde se odjednom osetite ubilački
(Laughter)
ili suicidalno nastrojeni -
(Smeh)
remember that in all cases, it's a miracle that any of us, specifically, were conceived and born. Earth is forgiveness school. It begins with forgiving yourself, and then you might as well start at the dinner table. That way, you can do this work in comfortable pants.
zapamtite da u je svim slučajevima, čudo da je bilo ko od nas, posebno, bio začet i rođen. Zemlja je škola opraštanja. Počinje od opraštanja sebi, a zatim možete i da započnete od stola za večeru. Na taj način, ovaj posao možete da obavite u udobnim pantalonama.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
When William Blake said that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love, he knew that your family would be an intimate part of this, even as you want to run screaming for your cute little life. But I promise you are up to it. You can do it, Cinderella, you can do it, and you will be amazed.
Kada je Vilijam Blejk rekao da smo ovde kako bismo naučili da izdržimo zrake ljubavi, on je znao da će vaša porodica biti intimni deo ovoga, čak i dok želite da pobegnete vrišteći i boreći se za svoj slatki mali život. Ali obećavam vam da možete to da izdržite. Vi to možete, Pepeljugo, vi to možete, i bićete oduševljeni.
Nine: food. Try to do a little better. I think you know what I mean.
Devet: hrana. Pokušajte to malo bolje. Mislim da znate na šta mislim.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Number 10 --
Broj 10 -
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
grace. Grace is spiritual WD-40, or water wings. The mystery of grace is that God loves Henry Kissinger and Vladimir Putin and me exactly as much as He or She loves your new grandchild. Go figure.
milost. Milost je duhovni WD-40, ili vodena krila. Misterija milosti je u tome da bog voli Henrija Kisindžera i Vladimira Putina i mene isto onoliko koliko On ili Ona voli vaše novo unuče. Zamislite to.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
The movement of grace is what changes us, heals us and heals our world. To summon grace, say, "Help," and then buckle up. Grace finds you exactly where you are, but it doesn't leave you where it found you. And grace won't look like Casper the Friendly Ghost, regrettably. But the phone will ring or the mail will come and then against all odds, you'll get your sense of humor about yourself back. Laughter really is carbonated holiness. It helps us breathe again and again and gives us back to ourselves, and this gives us faith in life and each other. And remember -- grace always bats last.
Kretanje milosti je ono što nas menja, leči i leči naš svet. Da biste prizvali milost, recite „pomoć“ i onda se vežite. Milost vas pronalazi upravo tamo gde ste, ali vas ne ostavlja tamo gde vas je pronašla. I milost neće izgledati kao Kasper dobri duh, nažalost. Ali će telefon zvoniti ili će stići pošta i onda uprkos svim šansama, vratiće vam se smisao za humor po pitanju vas. Smeh je zaista gazirana svetost. Pomaže nam da dišemo iznova i iznova i daje nas ponovo nama samima i ovo nam daje nadu u život i u nas međusobno. I zapamtite - milost uvek udara poslednja.
Eleven: God just means goodness. It's really not all that scary. It means the divine or a loving, animating intelligence, or, as we learned from the great "Deteriorata," "the cosmic muffin." A good name for God is: "Not me." Emerson said that the happiest person on Earth is the one who learns from nature the lessons of worship. So go outside a lot and look up. My pastor said you can trap bees on the bottom of mason jars without lids because they don't look up, so they just walk around bitterly bumping into the glass walls. Go outside. Look up. Secret of life.
Jedanaest: bog jednostavno znači dobrota. Nije to sve tako strašno. On znači božanski ili pun ljubavi, animirajuća inteligencija, ili, kao što smo naučili od sjajne „Deteriorate“ „kosmički mafin“. Dobro ime za boga je: „Ne ja“. Emerson je rekao da je najsrećnija osoba na svetu ona koja uči od prirode lekcije obožavanja. Idite napolje često i gledajte gore. Moj pastor je rekao da možete da zarobite pčele na dnu tegli bez poklopca zato što ne gledaju gore, pa samo hodaju unaokolo ogorčene i udaraju u staklene zidove. Idite napolje. Gledajte gore. Tajna života.
And finally: death. Number 12. Wow and yikes. It's so hard to bear when the few people you cannot live without die. You'll never get over these losses, and no matter what the culture says, you're not supposed to. We Christians like to think of death as a major change of address, but in any case, the person will live again fully in your heart if you don't seal it off. Like Leonard Cohen said, "There are cracks in everything, and that's how the light gets in." And that's how we feel our people again fully alive.
I najzad: smrt. Broj 12. Jee i uh. Tako je teško izdržati kada nekoliko ljudi bez kojih ne možete da živite umru. Nikada nećete preboleti ove gubitke, bez obzira na to šta kultura kaže, ni ne treba. Mi hrišćani volimo da verujemo da je smrt značajna promena adrese, ali u svakom slučaju, osoba će ponovo živeti u potpunosti u vašem srcu ako ga ne zapečatite. Kao što je Lenard Koen rekao: „Postoje pukotine u svemu, i na taj način svetlost ulazi.“ I to je ono kako osećamo da naši ljudi u potpunosti ponovo žive.
Also, the people will make you laugh out loud at the most inconvenient times, and that's the great good news. But their absence will also be a lifelong nightmare of homesickness for you. Grief and friends, time and tears will heal you to some extent. Tears will bathe and baptize and hydrate and moisturize you and the ground on which you walk.
Takođe, ljudi će vas zasmejavati u najnezgodnijim trenucima i to su sjajne vesti. Ali će njihovo odsustvo biti celoživotna noćna mora nostalgije za kućom za vas. Žalost i prijatelji, vreme i suze će vas izlečiti u nekoj meri. Suze će okupati i krstiti i hidrirati i vlažiti vas i zemlju na kojoj hodate.
Do you know the first thing that God says to Moses? He says, "Take off your shoes." Because this is holy ground, all evidence to the contrary. It's hard to believe, but it's the truest thing I know. When you're a little bit older, like my tiny personal self, you realize that death is as sacred as birth. And don't worry -- get on with your life. Almost every single death is easy and gentle with the very best people surrounding you for as long as you need. You won't be alone. They'll help you cross over to whatever awaits us. As Ram Dass said, "When all is said and done, we're really just all walking each other home."
Da li znate koja je prva stvar koju je bog rekao Mojsiju? On je rekao: „Skini svoje cipele.“ Zato što je ovo sveta zemlja, uprkos svim dokazima u suprotno. Teško je da verujete, ali je to najistinitija stvar koju ja znam. Kada ste malo stariji, kao moja malenkost, shvatate da je smrt sveta kao rođenje. I ne brinite - nastavite sa svojim životom. Gotovo svaka pojedinačna smrt jeste laka i nežna sa najboljim ljudima koji vas okružuju dok god vam je to potrebno. Nećete biti sami. Oni će vam pomoći da pređete do toga što nas čega. Kao što je Ram Das rekao, „Kada je sve rečeno i učinjeno, mi svi zapravo samo pratimo jedni druge kući.“
I think that's it, but if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.
Mislim da je to to, ali ako smislim još nešto, reći ću vam.
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
I was very surprised to be asked to come, because it is not my realm, technology or design or entertainment. I mean, my realm is sort of faith and writing and kind of lurching along together. And I was surprised, but they said I could give a talk, and I said I'd love to.
Zaista sam bila iznenađena kada su me pozvali da dođem, zato što to nije moja oblast, tehnologija, dizajn ili zabava. Mislim, moja oblast su vera i pisanje i neka vrsta zajedničkog teturanja. I bila sam iznenađena, ali oni su rekli da mogu da govorim i ja sam rekla da bih volela.
(Video) If you don't know where to start, remember that every single thing that happened to you is yours and you get to tell it.
(Video) Ako ne znate gde da počnete, zapamtite da svaka stvar koja vam se dogodila je vaša, imate priliku da je pričate.
Anne Lamott: People are very frightened and feel really doomed in America these days, and I just wanted to help people get their sense of humor about it and to realize how much isn't a problem. If you take an action, take a really healthy or loving or friendly action, you'll have loving and friendly feelings.
Ana Lamot: Ljudi su veoma uplašeni i osećaju se zaista prokletim u Americi ovih dana, I ja sam samo želela da pomognem ljudima da povrate smisao za humor i da shvate koliko to nije problem. Ako preduzmete akciju, preduzmete zaista zdravu ili punu ljubavi ili prijateljsku akciju, imaćete osećanja puna ljubavi i prijateljska osećanja.