My seven-year-old grandson sleeps just down the hall from me, and he wakes up a lot of mornings and he says, "You know, this could be the best day ever." And other times, in the middle of the night, he calls out in a tremulous voice, "Nana, will you ever get sick and die?"
Moj sedmogodišnji unuk spava vrata dalje u hodniku i budi se često ujutro te kaže, "Znaš, ovo bi mogao biti najbolji dan ikad." A ponekad, usred noći, priziva drhtavim glasom, "Bako, hoćeš li ti oboljeti i umrijeti?"
I think this pretty much says it for me and most of the people I know, that we're a mixed grill of happy anticipation and dread. So I sat down a few days before my 61st birthday, and I decided to compile a list of everything I know for sure. There's so little truth in the popular culture, and it's good to be sure of a few things.
Mislim da ovo jasno govori, za mene i za većinu ljudi koje poznajem, da sve nas čini primjesa sretnog predviđanja i isprepadanosti. Stoga sam nekoliko dana prije svojeg 61. rođendana sjela i odlučila sastaviti popis svega u što sam sigurna. Toliko je malo istine u popularnoj kulturi, dobro je biti siguran u nekoliko stvari.
For instance, I am no longer 47, although this is the age I feel, and the age I like to think of myself as being. My friend Paul used to say in his late 70s that he felt like a young man with something really wrong with him.
Primjerice, više nemam 47 godina, iako se tako osjećam i volim misliti da mi je toliko godina. Moj prijatelj Paul znao je reći u svojim kasnim 70-ima da se osjeća poput mladića s kojim nešto ozbiljno nije u redu.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Our true person is outside of time and space, but looking at the paperwork, I can, in fact, see that I was born in 1954. My inside self is outside of time and space. It doesn't have an age. I'm every age I've ever been, and so are you, although I can't help mentioning as an aside that it might have been helpful if I hadn't followed the skin care rules of the '60s, which involved getting as much sun as possible while slathered in baby oil and basking in the glow of a tinfoil reflector shield.
Naša je stvarna osoba izvan vremena i prostora, ali iz dokumenata vidim da sam uistinu rođena 1954. Moja je unutarnja osoba izvan vremena i prostora. Nema dob. Ja sam svih onih dobi koje sam dosad prošla, a tako i vi, iako ne mogu, a da usput ne spomenem da bi možda bilo dobro da nisam pratila pravila o njezi kože iz 60-ih, po kojima se trebalo što više sunčati, okupani uljem za njegu bebine kože i pržiti na bljesku odraza aluminijske folije.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
It was so liberating, though, to face the truth that I was no longer in the last throes of middle age, that I decided to write down every single true thing I know. People feel really doomed and overwhelmed these days, and they keep asking me what's true. So I hope that my list of things I'm almost positive about might offer some basic operating instructions to anyone who is feeling really overwhelmed or beleaguered.
No, bilo je toliko oslobađajuće suočiti se s istinom da više nisam u posljednjim srednjim godinama, da sam odlučila napisati sve meni poznate istinite činjenice. Ljudi se danas osjećaju osuđenima i preopterećenima i stalno me pitaju što je istina. Stoga se nadam da moj popis istina u koje sam gotovo sigurna, može pružiti svojevrsna osnovna uputstva svima koji se osjećaju preopterećenima ili zatočenima.
Number one: the first and truest thing is that all truth is a paradox. Life is both a precious, unfathomably beautiful gift, and it's impossible here, on the incarnational side of things. It's been a very bad match for those of us who were born extremely sensitive. It's so hard and weird that we sometimes wonder if we're being punked. It's filled simultaneously with heartbreaking sweetness and beauty, desperate poverty, floods and babies and acne and Mozart, all swirled together. I don't think it's an ideal system.
Broj jedan: Prva i najveća istina jest da je cijela istina paradoks. Život je dragocjen, nezamislivo prekrasan dar i nemoguće je ovdje, na utjelovljenoj strani stvari. Sklopili su loš posao oni među nama koji su izuzetno osjetljivi. Toliko je težak i čudan da se ponekad pitamo šale li se s nama. Istovremeno je ispunjen neopisivom slatkoćom i ljepotom, očajnom bijedom, poplavama i bebama i aknama i Mozartom, sve ispremiješano. Ne mislim da je to idealan sustav.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Number two: almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes --
Broj dva: gotovo sve će ponovno raditi ako to isključiš iz struje na par minuta -
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
including you.
uključujući vas.
Three: there is almost nothing outside of you that will help in any kind of lasting way, unless you're waiting for an organ. You can't buy, achieve or date serenity and peace of mind. This is the most horrible truth, and I so resent it. But it's an inside job, and we can't arrange peace or lasting improvement for the people we love most in the world. They have to find their own ways, their own answers. You can't run alongside your grown children with sunscreen and ChapStick on their hero's journey. You have to release them. It's disrespectful not to. And if it's someone else's problem, you probably don't have the answer, anyway.
Tri: Ne postoji gotovo ništa što je izvan vas, a što vam može trajnije pomoći, osim ako čekate na organ. Spokoj i duševni mir ne mogu se kupiti, dosegnuti ili naći. To je najgora istina i stoga je prezirem. Na tome radimo iznutra i ne možemo postići mir ili dugotrajno poboljšanje za ljude do kojih nam je najviše stalo. Oni moraju sami pronaći svoj put, svoje odgovore. Ne možete trčati uza svoju odraslu djecu s losionom za sunčanje i labelom na njihovu junačkom pothvatu. Morate ih pustiti da odu. Ne učiniti to značilo bi manjak poštovanja. A ako se radi o problemu nekog drugog, ionako vjerojatno nemate odgovor.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Our help is usually not very helpful. Our help is often toxic. And help is the sunny side of control. Stop helping so much. Don't get your help and goodness all over everybody.
Naša pomoć obično nije od velike pomoći. Često je toksična. A pomoć je i svjetla strana kontrole. Prestanite toliko pomagati. Nemojte svakoga zasipati svojom dobrotom i pomoći.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
This brings us to number four: everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy and scared, even the people who seem to have it most together. They are much more like you than you would believe, so try not to compare your insides to other people's outsides. It will only make you worse than you already are.
To nas dovodi do broja četiri: svi su zeznuti, slomljeni, ovisni o drugima i uplašeni, čak i ljudi koji su naizgled pribrani. Sličniji su vama nego što biste vjerovali, stoga nemojte svoju nutrinu uspoređivati s tuđom vanjštinom. Samo će vas učiniti gorima nego što već jeste.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Also, you can't save, fix or rescue any of them or get anyone sober. What helped me get clean and sober 30 years ago was the catastrophe of my behavior and thinking. So I asked some sober friends for help, and I turned to a higher power. One acronym for God is the "gift of desperation," G-O-D, or as a sober friend put it, by the end I was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards.
Osim toga, nikoga od njih ne možete spasiti ni popraviti, niti koga otrijezniti. Prije 30 godina pomoglo mi je da se otrijeznim i očistim upravo moje katastrofalno ponašanje i razmišljanje. Pomoć sam zatražila od trijeznih prijatelja i okrenula se višoj sili. Jedan od akronima za Boga je i "dar očaja", G-O-D ("gift of desperation"), ili, kako je rekao moj trijezni prijatelj, na kraju sam propadao brže nego što sam mogao snižavati standarde.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
So God might mean, in this case, "me running out of any more good ideas."
Bog bi, u ovom slučaju, mogao značiti "kad mi ponestane dobrih ideja".
While fixing and saving and trying to rescue is futile, radical self-care is quantum, and it radiates out from you into the atmosphere like a little fresh air. It's a huge gift to the world. When people respond by saying, "Well, isn't she full of herself," just smile obliquely like Mona Lisa and make both of you a nice cup of tea. Being full of affection for one's goofy, self-centered, cranky, annoying self is home. It's where world peace begins.
Dok je pokušaj popravljanja i spašavanja beskoristan, radikalna briga o sebi je neophodna, te se iz vas isijava u atmosferu poput daška svježeg zraka. To je ogroman dar svijetu. Kad ljudi reagiraju riječima, "Nije li puna sebe?", samo se lagano nasmijte, poput Mona Lise, i pripremite objema šalicu čaja. Ako volite svoje nezgrapno, egocentrično, čangrizavo, naporno "ja", kod kuće ste. Tu počinje mir u svijetu.
Number five: chocolate with 75 percent cacao is not actually a food.
Broj pet: čokolada sa 75% kakaa nije prava hrana.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Its best use is as a bait in snake traps or to balance the legs of wobbly chairs. It was never meant to be considered an edible.
Najbolje se koristi kao mamac u zamkama za zmije ili kao podloga klimavim stolcima. Nikad nije bila namijenjena prehrani.
Number six --
Broj šest --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
writing. Every writer you know writes really terrible first drafts, but they keep their butt in the chair. That's the secret of life. That's probably the main difference between you and them. They just do it. They do it by prearrangement with themselves. They do it as a debt of honor. They tell stories that come through them one day at a time, little by little. When my older brother was in fourth grade, he had a term paper on birds due the next day, and he hadn't started. So my dad sat down with him with an Audubon book, paper, pencils and brads -- for those of you who have gotten a little less young and remember brads -- and he said to my brother, "Just take it bird by bird, buddy. Just read about pelicans and then write about pelicans in your own voice. And then find out about chickadees, and tell us about them in your own voice. And then geese."
pisanje. Svaki pisac kojeg poznajete piše grozne prve verzije, ali i dalje grije stolicu. To je tajna života. To je vjerojatno i jedina razlika između vas i njih. Oni to jednostavno učine. I to čine u prethodnom dogovoru sa samima sobom. Čine to iz duga časti. Pričaju priče koje iz njih dolaze svakoga dana, malo po malo. Kad je moj stariji brat bio u četvrtom razredu, trebao je narednog dana predati esej o pticama koji još nije ni započeo. Moj je tata sjeo s njime, uz Audubonovu knjigu, papir, olovke i čavliće -- oni među vama koji su nešto manje mladi sjećaju se čavlića -- i rekao mu, "Samo kreni pticu po pticu, kompa. Pročitaj o pelikanima i napiši nešto o njima svojim riječima. Zatim prouči sjenice i ispričaj nam o njima svojim riječima. Pa onda guske."
So the two most important things about writing are: bird by bird and really god-awful first drafts. If you don't know where to start, remember that every single thing that happened to you is yours, and you get to tell it. If people wanted you to write more warmly about them, they should've behaved better.
Dakle, najbitnije su dvije stvari kod pisanja: ptica po ptica i doista grozne prve verzije. Ako ne znate odakle početi, sjetite se da sve što ste doživjeli pripada vama i vi to imate priliku ispričati. Ako ljudi žele da o njima ljepše pišete, trebali su se ljepše ponašati.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
You're going to feel like hell if you wake up someday and you never wrote the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart: your stories, memories, visions and songs -- your truth, your version of things -- in your own voice. That's really all you have to offer us, and that's also why you were born.
Užasno ćete se osjećati ako se jednog dana probudite, a da nikada niste napisali ono što vas muči i razdire: svoje priče, uspomene, vizije i pjesme -- svoju istinu, svoje viđenje stvari -- svojim riječima. I to je zapravo sve što nam možete ponuditi i to je razlog zbog kojeg ste se rodili.
Seven: publication and temporary creative successes are something you have to recover from. They kill as many people as not. They will hurt, damage and change you in ways you cannot imagine. The most degraded and evil people I've ever known are male writers who've had huge best sellers. And yet, returning to number one, that all truth is paradox, it's also a miracle to get your work published, to get your stories read and heard. Just try to bust yourself gently of the fantasy that publication will heal you, that it will fill the Swiss-cheesy holes inside of you. It can't. It won't. But writing can. So can singing in a choir or a bluegrass band. So can painting community murals or birding or fostering old dogs that no one else will.
Sedam: objavljivanja i privremeni kreativni uspjesi nešto su od čega se morate oporaviti. Ubiju onoliko ljudi koliko i ne ubiju. Naudit će vam, oštetiti vas i promijeniti na način koji ne možete ni zamisliti. Najdegradiraniji i najzlobniji ljudi koje sam ikad upoznala upravo su muški pisci, autori uspješnih bestselera. A opet, ako se vratimo na broj jedan, da je cijela istina paradoks, čudo je i da se vaše djelo objavi, a vaše priče čitaju i čuju. Pokušajte se nježno probuditi iz maštanja da će vas objavljivanje izliječiti, ispuniti u vama rupe poput onih švicarskog sira. Ne može. Neće. Ali pisanje može. Kao i pjevanje u zboru ili bluegrass sastavu. Kao i oslikavanje murala zajednice ili promatranje ptica, ili udomljavanje starih pasa koje nitko drugi ne želi udomiti.
Number eight: families. Families are hard, hard, hard, no matter how cherished and astonishing they may also be. Again, see number one.
Broj osam: obitelji. Obitelji su teške, teške, teške, bez obzira na to koliko mogu biti pažene ili zapanjujuće. Opet, vidi broj jedan.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
At family gatherings where you suddenly feel homicidal or suicidal --
Na obiteljskim okupljanjima, kad odjednom osjetite ubilački ili samoubilački poriv -
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
remember that in all cases, it's a miracle that any of us, specifically, were conceived and born. Earth is forgiveness school. It begins with forgiving yourself, and then you might as well start at the dinner table. That way, you can do this work in comfortable pants.
sjetite se da je, u svakom slučaju, čudo što se itko od nas začeo i rodio. Zemlja je škola praštanja. Počinje praštanjem samome sebi, a zatim možete nastaviti i za stolom za večerom. Tako ćete sve obaviti u udobnoj odjeći.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
When William Blake said that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love, he knew that your family would be an intimate part of this, even as you want to run screaming for your cute little life. But I promise you are up to it. You can do it, Cinderella, you can do it, and you will be amazed.
Kad je William Blake rekao da smo ovdje kako bismo naučili izdržati zračenje ljubavi, znao je da će naša obitelj biti intimni dio toga, čak i dok želite, vrišteći, pobjeći i spasiti svoj slatki mali život. No, uvjeravam vas da to možete. Možeš ti to, Pepeljugo, možeš, i iznenadit ćeš se.
Nine: food. Try to do a little better. I think you know what I mean.
Devet: hrana. Pokušajte malo bolje. Mislim da znate što želim reći.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Number 10 --
Broj 10 --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
grace. Grace is spiritual WD-40, or water wings. The mystery of grace is that God loves Henry Kissinger and Vladimir Putin and me exactly as much as He or She loves your new grandchild. Go figure.
milost. Milost je duhovni odstranjivač mrlja, ili pojas za spašavanje. Misterij milosti je da Bog voli Henrija Kissingera, Vladimira Putina i mene, jednako kao i vaše novo unuče. Pa si vi sad mislite.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
The movement of grace is what changes us, heals us and heals our world. To summon grace, say, "Help," and then buckle up. Grace finds you exactly where you are, but it doesn't leave you where it found you. And grace won't look like Casper the Friendly Ghost, regrettably. But the phone will ring or the mail will come and then against all odds, you'll get your sense of humor about yourself back. Laughter really is carbonated holiness. It helps us breathe again and again and gives us back to ourselves, and this gives us faith in life and each other. And remember -- grace always bats last.
Pokret milosti ono je što nas mijenja, liječi, i liječi naš svijet. Milost dozovite rječju "Upomoć", a zatim se vežite. Milost će vas pronaći tamo gdje jeste, ali vas neće ostaviti tamo gdje vas je pronašla. I neće izgledati kao dobri duh Casper, nažalost. Ali, zazvonit će telefon, ili će pristići pošiljka, i, nasuprot svim izgledima, vratit će vam se smisao za humor u pogledu vas samih. Smijeh je doista gazirana svetost. Pomaže nam uvijek iznova disati i vraća nas nama samima, što nam daje vjeru u život i druge. I zapamtite - milost uvijek ima zadnju riječ.
Eleven: God just means goodness. It's really not all that scary. It means the divine or a loving, animating intelligence, or, as we learned from the great "Deteriorata," "the cosmic muffin." A good name for God is: "Not me." Emerson said that the happiest person on Earth is the one who learns from nature the lessons of worship. So go outside a lot and look up. My pastor said you can trap bees on the bottom of mason jars without lids because they don't look up, so they just walk around bitterly bumping into the glass walls. Go outside. Look up. Secret of life.
Jedanaest: Bog jednostavno znači dobrota. Doista nije sve tako zastrašujuće. On znači 'božanstveno' ili 'inteligencija puna ljubavi i poticaja', ili, kako smo naučili iz veličanstvene "Deteriorate", "kozmički muffin". Dobar naziv za Boga jest "Ne ja". Emerson je rekao da je najsretniji čovjek na Zemlji onaj koji od prirode nauči kako štovati. Stoga često izlazite i gledajte uvis. Moj je pastor rekao da je pčele moguće uloviti na dnu staklenke bez poklopca, jer one uopće ne gledaju uvis, samo hodaju ogorčeno uokolo, lupajući u staklene zidove. Izađite. Pogledajte uvis. Tajna života.
And finally: death. Number 12. Wow and yikes. It's so hard to bear when the few people you cannot live without die. You'll never get over these losses, and no matter what the culture says, you're not supposed to. We Christians like to think of death as a major change of address, but in any case, the person will live again fully in your heart if you don't seal it off. Like Leonard Cohen said, "There are cracks in everything, and that's how the light gets in." And that's how we feel our people again fully alive.
I konačno: smrt. Broj 12. Jupi i kvragu. Tako je teško nositi se sa smrću onih nekoliko ljudi bez kojih ne možete. Nikad nećete preboljeti te gubitke, i bez obzira kako na to gleda kultura, ni ne trebate. Mi, kršćani, o smrti volimo razmišljati kao o promjeni adrese, no, u svakom slučaju, osoba će i dalje potpuno živjeti u vašem srcu ako ga ne zapečatite. Kao što je izjavio Leonard Cohen, "U svemu ima pukotina, na taj način prodire svjetlost." I tako mi doživljavamo svoje voljene opet potpuno živima.
Also, the people will make you laugh out loud at the most inconvenient times, and that's the great good news. But their absence will also be a lifelong nightmare of homesickness for you. Grief and friends, time and tears will heal you to some extent. Tears will bathe and baptize and hydrate and moisturize you and the ground on which you walk.
Osim toga, ljudi će vas glasno nasmijati u najnezgodnijem trenutku, i to je odlična vijest. No, njihovo će odsustvo za vas značiti doživotnu nostalgiju za domom. Žaljenje i prijatelji, vrijeme i suze, do određene će vas mjere izliječiti. Suze će vas okupati i krstiti, hidrirati i ovlažiti, kao i zemlju po kojoj hodate.
Do you know the first thing that God says to Moses? He says, "Take off your shoes." Because this is holy ground, all evidence to the contrary. It's hard to believe, but it's the truest thing I know. When you're a little bit older, like my tiny personal self, you realize that death is as sacred as birth. And don't worry -- get on with your life. Almost every single death is easy and gentle with the very best people surrounding you for as long as you need. You won't be alone. They'll help you cross over to whatever awaits us. As Ram Dass said, "When all is said and done, we're really just all walking each other home."
Znate li što je Bog prvo rekao Mojsiji? Rekao mu je:"Izuj cipele." Jer ovo je sveto tlo, unatoč dokazima u suprotno. Teško je u to povjerovati, ali to je najveća istina koju znam. Kad ste malo stariji, poput moje malenkosti, shvatite da je smrt jednako sveta kao i rođenje. I ne brinite -- nastavite živjeti. Gotovo je svaka smrt laka i blaga i okruženi ste najboljim ljudima, koliko je god potrebno. Nećete biti sami. Oni će vam pomoći da prijeđete do onoga što nas čeka, štogod to bilo. Kako je rekao Ram Dass, "Kada je sve rečeno i učinjeno, samo jedni druge ispraćamo do kuće".
I think that's it, but if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.
Mislim da je to to, ali ako smislim štogod drugo, javit ću vam.
Thank you.
Hvala.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
Thank you.
Hvala.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
I was very surprised to be asked to come, because it is not my realm, technology or design or entertainment. I mean, my realm is sort of faith and writing and kind of lurching along together. And I was surprised, but they said I could give a talk, and I said I'd love to.
Iznenadilo me kad su me pozvali ovamo, jer to nije moje područje, tehnologija, dizajn ili zabava. Želim reći, ja sam na svome u vjeri i pisanju i nekakvom zajedničkom teturanju. I iznenadilo me, ali rekli su da mogu održati govor, i odgovorila sam, drage volje.
(Video) If you don't know where to start, remember that every single thing that happened to you is yours and you get to tell it.
(Video snimka) Ako ne znate odakle početi, sjetite se da sve što ste doživjeli pripada vama i imate priliku to ispričati.
Anne Lamott: People are very frightened and feel really doomed in America these days, and I just wanted to help people get their sense of humor about it and to realize how much isn't a problem. If you take an action, take a really healthy or loving or friendly action, you'll have loving and friendly feelings.
Anne Lamott: Ljudi su vrlo preplašeni i osjećaju se osuđenima danas u Americi, i samo sam željela pomoći da se ljudima vrati smisao za humor i da shvate koliko to nije problem. Ako nešto poduzmete, nešto doista zdravo ili puno ljubavi i prijateljstva, obuzet će vas osjećaji puni ljubavi i prijateljstva.