I was sitting with my girls, and Joy said, "Dang, I wish he'd get off my back. My daddy, he calls me all the time."
Sedela sam sa svojim devojčicama i Džoj je rekla: "Dođavola, volela bih da me ostavi na miru. Moj tata, stalno me zove."
"Lucky for you he calls at all," said Jasmine. "I haven't heard from my dad in years."
"Srećna si što te uopšte zove," rekla je Jasmin. "Nisam čula svog oca već godinama."
At this moment, I knew the girls needed a way to connect with their fathers. At Camp Diva, my non-profit organization, we have these types of conversations all the time as a way to help girls of African descent prepare for their passage into womanhood. These girls just needed a way to invite their fathers into their lives on their own terms.
U tom trenutku, znala sam da je devojkama potreban način da se spoje sa svojim očevima. U "Camp Diva", mojoj neprofitnoj organizaciji, imamo ovakve ragovore stalno, kao način da pomognemo devojkama afričkog porekla da se pripreme za put ka sazrevanju. Ovim devojkama je samo bio potreban način da pozovu svoje očeve u živote po njihovim uslovima.
So I asked the girls, "How can we help other girls develop healthy relationships with their fathers?"
I tako sam pitala devojke: "Kako možemo da pomognemo ostalim devojkama da razviju jednu zdravu vezu sa svojim očevima?"
"Let's have a dance," one girl shouted, and all the girls quickly backed her up. They started dreaming about the decorations, invitations, the dresses they were going to wear, and what their fathers could and could not wear. (Laughter) It was off and running before I could even blink my eyes, but even if I could have slowed down those girls, I wouldn't have, because one thing that I have learned from over a decade of working with girls is that they already know what they need. The wisdom lives inside of them. As long as they have infrastructure, mentorship and resources, they can build what they need, not only to survive, but to thrive.
"Da organizujemo igranku," viknula je jedna devojka i ostale devojke su je brzo podržale. Počele su da sanjaju o dekoracijama, pozivnicama, haljinama koje će nositi, i šta bi mogli njihovi očevi mogli da nose, a šta ne. (Smeh) Priča je pokrenuta pre nego što sam i trepnula, a i da sam mogla te devojke da zaustavim, ne bih to učinila, jer jedna stvar koju sam naučila za više od deset godina rada sa devojkama je da one već znaju šta im je potrebno. Mudrost živi u njima. Sve dok imaju infrastrukturu, mentorstvo i resurse, mogu sagraditi šta im je potrebno, ne samo da prežive, već i da uspeju.
So we had a dance, and girls and their fathers came in multitudes. They were dressed to the nines. They acted sweet. (Laughter) They acted silly. They really enjoyed each other's company. It was a huge success. And the girls decided to make it an annual event.
Znači imali smo igranku i devojke i njihovi očevi došli su u velikom broju. Bili su prikladno odeveni. Bili su slatki. (Smeh) Bili su luckasti. Zaista su uživali u međusobnom druženju. Bio je to veliki uspeh. I devojke su odlučile da organizuju događaj svake godine.
So as the seasons changed, and it was time to plan the dance again, one girl named Brianna spoke up, and she said, "My dad can't come to the dance, and this whole thing is making me sad."
Kako su se doba menjala i bližilo se vreme da se opet planira igranka jedna devojka po imenu Briana je uzela je reč, i rekla pritom: "Moj tata ne može da dođe na igranku i sve ovo me čini tužnom."
"Why not?" the girls asked.
"Zašto ne može?", pitale su devojke.
"Because he's in jail," she bravely admitted.
"Jer je u zatvoru," priznala je hrabro.
"Well, can he just get out for a day?" one of the girls asked. (Laughter)
"Pa,može li izaći samo na jedan dan?", jedna od devojaka je pitala. (Smeh)
"And come in shackles? That's worse than not having him here at all."
"I da dođe u okovima? To je gore nego da uopšte ne dođe."
At this moment, I saw an opportunity for the girls to rise to the occasion and to become their own heroes. So I asked, "What do you think we should do about this? We want every girl to experience the dance, right?"
U tom trenutku, videla sam šansu za devojke da dorastu prilici i da postanu svoji heroji. Pitala sam: "Šta mislite da treba da uradimo po tom pitanju? Želimo da svaka devojka uživa u igranci, zar ne?"
So the girls thought for a moment, and one girl suggested, "Why don't we just take the dance in the jail?"
Devojke su razmislile na trenutak i jedna devojčica je predložila: "Zašto ne organizujemo igranku u zatvoru?"
Most of the girls doubted the possibility of that, and said, "Are you crazy? Who is going to allow a bunch of little girls, dressed up — " (Laughter) " — to come inside a jail and dance with their daddies in Spongebob suits?" Because that's what they called them.
Većina devojaka je sumnjala da je to moguće, i rekle su: "Jesi ti poludela?" Ko će dozvoliti gomili malih devojčica, skockanih - " (Smeh) " - da uđu u zatvor i plešu sa svojim očevima u Sunđer Bob odelima?" Jer tako su ih zvali.
I said, "Girls, well, well, you never know unless you ask."
Rekla sam: "Devojke, nikad nećete saznati ako ne pitate."
So a letter was written to the Richmond City Sheriff, signed collectively by each girl, and I would have to say, he is a very special sheriff. He contacted me immediately and said, whenever there is an opportunity to bring families inside, his doors are always open. Because one thing he did know, that when fathers are connected to their children, it is less likely that they will return.
Napisali smo pismo šerifu grada Ričmonda, sve devojke su se potpisale i moram reći, to je jedan veoma poseban šerif. Odmah me je kontaktirao i rekao, kad god postoji mogućnost da pustimo porodice unutra, njihova vrata su uvek otvorena. Jer jednu stvar je sigurno znao, kad su očevi povezani sa svojom decom, manje su šanse da će se vratiti.
So, 16 inmates and 18 girls were invited. The girls were dressed in their Sunday best, and the fathers traded in their yellow and blue jumpsuits for shirts and ties. They hugged. They shared a full catered meal of chicken and fish. They laughed together. It was beautiful. The fathers and daughters even experienced an opportunity to have a physical connection, something that a lot of them didn't even have for a while. Fathers were in a space where they were able to make their daughter's plate, and pull out her chair and extend his hand for a dance. Even the guards cried.
Dakle, 16 zatvorenika i 18 devojčica je bilo pozvano. Devojke su obukle svoje najbolje haljine, a očevi su zamenili svoje žuto-plave uniforme za košulje i kravate. Zagrlili su se. Podelili su ceo dostavljeni obrok piletine i ribe. Smejali su se zajedno. Bilo je prelepo. Očevi i ćerke su čak iskusili mogućnost da imaju fizičku povezanost, nešto što mnogi od njih nisu imali duže vreme. Očevi su bili u prostoru gde su mogli da se igraju sa svojim ćerkama i izvuku im stolicu i pruže im ruku za ples. Čak su i stražari plakali.
But after the dance, we all realized that Dad still would be in jail. So we needed to create something that they could take with them. So we brought in Flip cams, and we had them look at the Flip cams and just interview each other -- their messages, their thoughts. This was going to be used as a touchstone so when they started to miss each other and feel disconnected, they could reconnect through this image.
Ali posle igranke, svi smo shvatili da će tata ostati u zatvoru. Trebalo je da stvorimo nešto što mogu poneti kući. Uneli smo Flip kamere i oni su stali pred njih i intervjuisali jedni druge - njihove poruke, njihove misli. Ovo će biti upotrebljeno kao uspomena kad budu nedostajali jedni drugima i osećali se razdvojeno, putem ove slike moći će opet da budu spojeni.
I'll never forget that one girl looked in her father's eyes with that camera and said, "Daddy, when you look at me, what do you see?" Because our daddies are our mirrors that we reflect back on when we decide about what type of man we deserve, and how they see us for the rest of our lives. I know that very well, because I was one of the lucky girls. I have had my father in my life always. He's even here today.
Nikad neću zaboraviti devojčicu koja je pogledala u oči svoga oca kamerom i rekla: "Tata, kad me pogledaš, šta vidiš?" Jer očevi su naša ogledala kojih se prisećamo kada odlučujemo o tome kakav tip muškaraca zaslužujemo i kako će nas oni videti do kraja života. Znam to vrlo dobro, jer ja sam bila jedna od onih srećnih devojčica. Imala sam svog oca uvek u svom životu. On je čak i danas tu.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
And that is why it is extremely special for me to make sure that these girls are connected to their fathers, especially those who are separated because of barbed wires and metal doors. We have just created a form for girls who have heavy questions on their heart to be in a position to ask their fathers those questions and given the fathers the freedom to answer. Because we know that the fathers are even leaving with this one thought: What type of woman am I preparing to put in the world? Because a father is locked in does not mean he should be locked out of his daughter's life.
I zato je toliko posebno za mene da znam da su ove devojke povezane sa svojim očevima, naročito one koje su razdvojene zbog bodljikavih žica i metalnih vrata. Mi smo samo stvorili način za devojke koje nose teška pitanja u srcu da budu u poziciji da im postave ta pitanja i daju očevima slobodu da odgovore na njih. Jer znamo da očevi čak odlaze sa ovom mišlju: Kakvu ženu ću da pripremim za svet? Jer otac koji je zatvoren ne znači da mora biti isključen iz života svoje ćerke.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)