I was sitting with my girls, and Joy said, "Dang, I wish he'd get off my back. My daddy, he calls me all the time."
Isha ulur me vajzat e mia, dhe Joy tha, "E marte e mira, do doja te me hiqej qafe. Babai im, me telefonon gjithe kohes."
"Lucky for you he calls at all," said Jasmine. "I haven't heard from my dad in years."
"Lum ti qe te telefonon", tha Jasmine. "Kam vite pa u degjuar me babain tim."
At this moment, I knew the girls needed a way to connect with their fathers. At Camp Diva, my non-profit organization, we have these types of conversations all the time as a way to help girls of African descent prepare for their passage into womanhood. These girls just needed a way to invite their fathers into their lives on their own terms.
Ne kete moment, e dija qe vajzave u duhej nje menyre per tu lidhur me baballaret e tyre. Ne kampin Diva, organizata ime jo-fitimprurese, bejme keto tip bisedash gjithe kohes si nje menyre per te ndihmuar vajzat me prejardhje Afrikane te pergatiten per te hyre ne moshen e gruas. Ketyre vajzave u nevojitej thjesht nje menyre per te ftuar baballaret ne jetet e tyre sipas rregullave te tyre.
So I asked the girls, "How can we help other girls develop healthy relationships with their fathers?"
Pra i pyeta vajzat, "Si mund te ndihmojme vajza te tjera te zhvillojne nje lidhje te shendetshme me baballaret e tyre?"
"Let's have a dance," one girl shouted, and all the girls quickly backed her up. They started dreaming about the decorations, invitations, the dresses they were going to wear, and what their fathers could and could not wear. (Laughter) It was off and running before I could even blink my eyes, but even if I could have slowed down those girls, I wouldn't have, because one thing that I have learned from over a decade of working with girls is that they already know what they need. The wisdom lives inside of them. As long as they have infrastructure, mentorship and resources, they can build what they need, not only to survive, but to thrive.
"Le te bejme nje ballo," bertiti njera nga vajzat, dhe te gjitha vajzat menjehere e mbeshteten. Filluan te enderronin per zbukurimet, ftesat, fustanet qe do te vishnin, dhe cfare do vishnin apo jo baballaret e tyre. (Te qeshura) Ishte vendosur sa hap e mbyll syte, por edhe nese do mundesha ti ngadalsoja keto vajza, nuk do e beja, sepse nje nga gjerat qe kam mesuar per me shume se nje dekade duke punuar me vajza eshte se ato e dine cfare kerkojne. Mencuria jeton brenda tyre. Per sa kohe ato te kene infrastrukture, mentorim dhe burime, ato mund te ndertojne cfare u nevojitet, jo vetem per te mbijetuar por dhe per te lulezuar.
So we had a dance, and girls and their fathers came in multitudes. They were dressed to the nines. They acted sweet. (Laughter) They acted silly. They really enjoyed each other's company. It was a huge success. And the girls decided to make it an annual event.
Keshtu e kryem ballon, vajzat dhe baballaret e tyre erdhen ne turma. Ishin veshur ne menyre perfekte. Ato silleshin ne menyre te embel. (Te qeshura) Vepronin ne menyre qesharake. Ata vertet e shijonin shoqerine e njeri tjetri. Ishte nje sukses shume i madh. Dhe vajzat vendosen ta bejne nje eveniment te pervitshem.
So as the seasons changed, and it was time to plan the dance again, one girl named Brianna spoke up, and she said, "My dad can't come to the dance, and this whole thing is making me sad."
Pra ndersa stinet kalonin, dhe ishte koha per te planifikuar ballon perseri, nje vajze e quajtur Brianna foli, dhe tha, "Babai im nuk mund te vije ne ballo, dhe e gjitha kjo me trishton."
"Why not?" the girls asked.
"Pse jo?" pyeten vajzat.
"Because he's in jail," she bravely admitted.
"Sepse ai eshte ne burg," pranoi ajo me guxim.
"Well, can he just get out for a day?" one of the girls asked. (Laughter)
"Po mire, nuk mund te dale vetem per nje dite?" pyeti njera nga vajzat. (Te qeshura)
"And come in shackles? That's worse than not having him here at all."
"Dhe te vije ne pranga? Ajo eshte me keq se sa fakti qe nuk do e kem ketu."
At this moment, I saw an opportunity for the girls to rise to the occasion and to become their own heroes. So I asked, "What do you think we should do about this? We want every girl to experience the dance, right?"
Ne kete moment, pashe nje mundesi per vajzat qe te arrinin ne kete rast dhe te beheshin heroinat e vetvetes. Pra pyeta, "Cfare mendoni se mund te bejme per kete? Duam qe cdo vajze te provoje eksperiencen e ballos, apo jo?"
So the girls thought for a moment, and one girl suggested, "Why don't we just take the dance in the jail?"
Vajzat u menduan per nje moment, dhe nje nga vajzat sugjeroi, "Pse nuk e bejme ballon ne burg?"
Most of the girls doubted the possibility of that, and said, "Are you crazy? Who is going to allow a bunch of little girls, dressed up — " (Laughter) " — to come inside a jail and dance with their daddies in Spongebob suits?" Because that's what they called them.
Shume nga vajzat dyshuan per kete mundesi, dhe i thane, "Je e cmendur? Kush do lejoje nje tufe me vajza te vogla, te veshura mire-- (Te qeshura) "-- te futen brenda ne burg dhe te kercejne me baballaret e tyre ne kostumet e Spongebob?" Sepse keshtu i therisnin.
I said, "Girls, well, well, you never know unless you ask."
Thash, "Ne rregull vajza, asnjehere nuk mund ta dime nese nuk pyesim."
So a letter was written to the Richmond City Sheriff, signed collectively by each girl, and I would have to say, he is a very special sheriff. He contacted me immediately and said, whenever there is an opportunity to bring families inside, his doors are always open. Because one thing he did know, that when fathers are connected to their children, it is less likely that they will return.
Dhe keshtu u shkrua nje leter tek sherifi i qytetit Richmond, e firmosur kolektivisht nga secila vajze, dhe me duhet te them, se ai eshte nje sherif shume i vecante. Ai me kontaktoi menjehere dhe me tha, sa here te kete nje mundesi per te futur familjet brenda, dyert e tij jane perhere te hapura. Sepse ai dinte me siguri, se kur baballaret lidheshin me femijet e tyre, ka shume pak mundesi qe ate te rikthehen.
So, 16 inmates and 18 girls were invited. The girls were dressed in their Sunday best, and the fathers traded in their yellow and blue jumpsuits for shirts and ties. They hugged. They shared a full catered meal of chicken and fish. They laughed together. It was beautiful. The fathers and daughters even experienced an opportunity to have a physical connection, something that a lot of them didn't even have for a while. Fathers were in a space where they were able to make their daughter's plate, and pull out her chair and extend his hand for a dance. Even the guards cried.
Dhe keshtu, 16 te burgosur dhe 18 vajza u ftuan. Vajzat u veshen si per dite te Diel, dhe baballaret nderruan kostumet e tyre te verdha e blu me kemisha dhe kollare. Ata u perqafuan. Drekuan sebashku me ushqim te shtruar me pule dhe peshk. Ata qeshen sebashku. Ishte shume e bukur. Madje baballaret dhe vajzat provuan nje mundesi per te patur lidhje fizike dicka qe shume nga ata nuk e kishin per shume kohe. Baballaret ndodheshin ne nje hapesire ku kishin mundesi per te luajtur me vajzat e tyre, dhe ti terhiqnin karriget dhe ti zgjasnin doren per nje vallezim. Madje edhe rojet u preken.
But after the dance, we all realized that Dad still would be in jail. So we needed to create something that they could take with them. So we brought in Flip cams, and we had them look at the Flip cams and just interview each other -- their messages, their thoughts. This was going to be used as a touchstone so when they started to miss each other and feel disconnected, they could reconnect through this image.
Por pas vallezimit, te gjithe e kuptuam se baballaret do ishin perseri ne burg. Pra na duhej te krijonim dicka qe ata te mund ta merrnin me vete. Keshtu sollem kamerat regjistruese dhe i vendosem ata duke pare kamerat dhe thjesht intervistonin njeri tjetrin-- mesazhet dhe mendimet e tyre. Kjo do perdorej si nje gur prove ne menyre qe kur te fillonin te kishin mall per njeri tjetrin dhe ndjeheshin te shkeputur, mund te rilidheshin ndermjet ketij imazhi.
I'll never forget that one girl looked in her father's eyes with that camera and said, "Daddy, when you look at me, what do you see?" Because our daddies are our mirrors that we reflect back on when we decide about what type of man we deserve, and how they see us for the rest of our lives. I know that very well, because I was one of the lucky girls. I have had my father in my life always. He's even here today.
Nuk do e harroj kurre momentin kur nje nga vajzat pa syte e babait saj me ate kamera dhe tha, "Babi, kur shikon mua, cfare sheh?" Sepse baballaret tane jane pasqyrat tona qe ne i reflektojme pas kur vendosim per tipin e mashkullit qe meritojme, dhe se si ata na shikojne ne vazhdim te jetes tone. E di kete shume mire, sepse isha nje nga vajzat me fat. E kam pasur babain ne jeten time gjithmone. Madje eshte edhe sot ketu.
(Applause)
(Duartrokitje)
And that is why it is extremely special for me to make sure that these girls are connected to their fathers, especially those who are separated because of barbed wires and metal doors. We have just created a form for girls who have heavy questions on their heart to be in a position to ask their fathers those questions and given the fathers the freedom to answer. Because we know that the fathers are even leaving with this one thought: What type of woman am I preparing to put in the world? Because a father is locked in does not mean he should be locked out of his daughter's life.
Dhe kjo eshte aryesja pse eshte kaq e vecante per mua qe te sigurohem per keto vajza te jene te lidhura me baballaret e tyre, sidomos ato qe jane te ndara per shkak te telave me gjemba dhe dyerve metalike. Ne thjesht kemi krijuar nje forme per vajzat te cilat kane pyetje ne zemra e tyre te jene ne nje pozicion ku mund ti bejne ato pyetje tek baballaret e tyre dhe ti japim lirine baballareve te pergjigjen. Sepse ne e dime qe baballaret jetojne me kete mendim: Cfare tip gruaje po pergatis ta nxjerr ne bote? Vetem se nje baba eshte i burgosur nuk do te thote qe duhet te jete i perjashtuar nga jeta e se bijes.
(Applause)
(Duartrokitje)