I was sitting with my girls, and Joy said, "Dang, I wish he'd get off my back. My daddy, he calls me all the time."
Sedela sem s svojimi dekleti in Joy je rekla: "Pišuka, želim si, da bi mi nehal težiti. Moj oči, neprestano me kliče."
"Lucky for you he calls at all," said Jasmine. "I haven't heard from my dad in years."
"Bodi srečna, da te sploh kliče," je rekla Jasmine. "Jaz se s svojim nisem pogovarjala že leta."
At this moment, I knew the girls needed a way to connect with their fathers. At Camp Diva, my non-profit organization, we have these types of conversations all the time as a way to help girls of African descent prepare for their passage into womanhood. These girls just needed a way to invite their fathers into their lives on their own terms.
V tem trenutku sem vedela, da morajo dekleta najti način, da bi se povezale s svojimi očeti. V Kampu diva, moji neprofitni organizaciji, imamo take pogovore kar naprej, da bi lahko pomagali dekletom afriškega porekla in jih pripravili na prehod v ženskost. Ta dekleta so samo potrebovala način, da bi svoje očete povabile v svoje življenje pod svojimi pogoji.
So I asked the girls, "How can we help other girls develop healthy relationships with their fathers?"
Dekleta sem zato vprašala: "Kako lahko pomagamo drugim dekletom, da bi s svojimi očeti razvile zdrav odnos?"
"Let's have a dance," one girl shouted, and all the girls quickly backed her up. They started dreaming about the decorations, invitations, the dresses they were going to wear, and what their fathers could and could not wear. (Laughter) It was off and running before I could even blink my eyes, but even if I could have slowed down those girls, I wouldn't have, because one thing that I have learned from over a decade of working with girls is that they already know what they need. The wisdom lives inside of them. As long as they have infrastructure, mentorship and resources, they can build what they need, not only to survive, but to thrive.
"Imejmo ples", je zaklicala ena izmed deklet in vse ostale so jo takoj podprle. Začele so sanjati o okraskih, vabilih, oblekah, ki jih bi oblekle, in o tem, kaj bi lahko in česa ne bi smeli obleči njihovi očetje. (smeh) Odvijati se je začelo, preden sem sploh lahko pomižiknila, a tudi, če bi lahko upočasnila ta dekleta, jih ne bi, ker sem se v desetletju dela z dekleti naučila, da one že vedo kaj potrebujejo. Modrost leži v njih. Dokler imajo strukturo, mentorstvo in sredstva, lahko zgradijo to, kar potrebujejo, ne le da bi preživele, ampak da bi uspevale.
So we had a dance, and girls and their fathers came in multitudes. They were dressed to the nines. They acted sweet. (Laughter) They acted silly. They really enjoyed each other's company. It was a huge success. And the girls decided to make it an annual event.
Tako smo imeli ples in dekleta in njihovi očetje so prišli v množicah. Bili so pražnje oblečeni. Lepo so se obnašali. (smeh) Zabavali so se. Res so uživali v družbi drug drugega. Velik uspeh je bil. In dekleta so se odločila, da bo to postala letna zadeva.
So as the seasons changed, and it was time to plan the dance again, one girl named Brianna spoke up, and she said, "My dad can't come to the dance, and this whole thing is making me sad."
Ko se je leto zavrtelo in je bil čas za ponovno načrtovanje plesa, je ena izmed deklet, Brianna, spregovorila in rekla: "Moj oči ne more na ples in vse skupaj me žalosti."
"Why not?" the girls asked.
"Zakaj pa ne?" so vprašala dekleta.
"Because he's in jail," she bravely admitted.
Pogumno je priznala: "Ker je v zaporu."
"Well, can he just get out for a day?" one of the girls asked. (Laughter)
Ena izmed deklet je vprašala: "Ali ne more ven samo za en dan?" (smeh)
"And come in shackles? That's worse than not having him here at all."
"In da pride v lisicah?" "To bi bilo huje, kot to da ga sploh ne bo."
At this moment, I saw an opportunity for the girls to rise to the occasion and to become their own heroes. So I asked, "What do you think we should do about this? We want every girl to experience the dance, right?"
V tem trenutku sem videla priložnost, da bi dekleta vzele stvari v svoje roke in postale svoje junakinje. Vprašala sem: "Kaj mislite, da naj storimo glede tega? Želimo si, da bi vsa dekleta šla na ples, kajne?"
So the girls thought for a moment, and one girl suggested, "Why don't we just take the dance in the jail?"
Dekleta so za trenutek pomislile in eno dekle je predlagalo: "Zakaj pa nimamo plesa kar v zaporu?"
Most of the girls doubted the possibility of that, and said, "Are you crazy? Who is going to allow a bunch of little girls, dressed up — " (Laughter) " — to come inside a jail and dance with their daddies in Spongebob suits?" Because that's what they called them.
Večina deklet je dvomila v to možnost in rekle so: "A si zmešana? Kdo bo pustil tropu mladih deklet, ki so lepo napravljene (smeh) da pridejo v zapor in imajo ples z očeti, ki so v kombinezonih?" Tako temu pravijo.
I said, "Girls, well, well, you never know unless you ask."
Rekla sem: "Dekleta, no no, nikoli ne boste vedele, če ne vprašate."
So a letter was written to the Richmond City Sheriff, signed collectively by each girl, and I would have to say, he is a very special sheriff. He contacted me immediately and said, whenever there is an opportunity to bring families inside, his doors are always open. Because one thing he did know, that when fathers are connected to their children, it is less likely that they will return.
Mestnemu šerifu Richmonda je bilo poslano pismo, ki so ga podpisala vsa dekleta, in povedati moram, da je zelo poseben šerif. Takoj me je kontaktiral in rekel, če obstaja možnost, da bi pripeljali družine, so njegova vrata vedno odprta. Zavedal se je, da, če so očetje povezani s svojimi otroci, je možnost, da se bodo vrnili, manjša.
So, 16 inmates and 18 girls were invited. The girls were dressed in their Sunday best, and the fathers traded in their yellow and blue jumpsuits for shirts and ties. They hugged. They shared a full catered meal of chicken and fish. They laughed together. It was beautiful. The fathers and daughters even experienced an opportunity to have a physical connection, something that a lot of them didn't even have for a while. Fathers were in a space where they were able to make their daughter's plate, and pull out her chair and extend his hand for a dance. Even the guards cried.
Torej. Povabili smo 16 zapornikov in 18 deklet. Dekleta so bila pražnje oblečena in očetje so svoje rumeno-modre kombinezone zamenjali za srajce in kravate. Objemali so se. Skupaj so jedli postreženo ribo in piščanca. Smejali so se skupaj. Prelepo je bilo. Očetje in hčere so celo izkusili, kako je imeti fizičen stik, kar veliko izmed njih ni imelo dolgo časa. Očetje so bili v prostoru, v katerem so se lahko s hčerami igrali, jim pristavili stol in jim dali roko za ples. Celo pazniki so jokali.
But after the dance, we all realized that Dad still would be in jail. So we needed to create something that they could take with them. So we brought in Flip cams, and we had them look at the Flip cams and just interview each other -- their messages, their thoughts. This was going to be used as a touchstone so when they started to miss each other and feel disconnected, they could reconnect through this image.
A po plesu smo se vsi zavedli, da bo oči še vedno v ječi. Morali smo ustvariti nekaj, kar bi lahko vzeli s seboj. Prinesli smo kamere in smo jim rekli, da naj gledajo vanje ter se samo pogovarjajo o sporočilih, o mislih. To naj bi predstavljalo stik, da se bodo, kadar bodo začeli pogrešati drug drugega in se bodo počutili odrezane, lahko s to podobo ponovno povezali.
I'll never forget that one girl looked in her father's eyes with that camera and said, "Daddy, when you look at me, what do you see?" Because our daddies are our mirrors that we reflect back on when we decide about what type of man we deserve, and how they see us for the rest of our lives. I know that very well, because I was one of the lucky girls. I have had my father in my life always. He's even here today.
Nikoli ne bom pozabila dekleta, ki se je zazrla v očetove oči skozi kamero in rekla: "Oči, ko me pogledaš, kaj vidiš?" Naši očetje so naša ogledala, o katerih razmišljamo, ko se odločamo o tem, kakšnega moškega si zaslužimo, in kako nas vidijo celo življenje. Tega se dobro zavedam, ker sem imela sama srečo. Očeta sem vedno imela v življenju. Tudi danes je tukaj.
(Applause)
(aplavz)
And that is why it is extremely special for me to make sure that these girls are connected to their fathers, especially those who are separated because of barbed wires and metal doors. We have just created a form for girls who have heavy questions on their heart to be in a position to ask their fathers those questions and given the fathers the freedom to answer. Because we know that the fathers are even leaving with this one thought: What type of woman am I preparing to put in the world? Because a father is locked in does not mean he should be locked out of his daughter's life.
In zato je zame izjemno pomembno, da poskrbim, da so ta dekleta povezana s svojimi očeti, še posebej tista, ki so od njih ločena zaradi bodeče žice in kovinskih vrat. Ustvarili smo nekaj za dekleta, ki jim na srcu ležijo težka vprašanja, da lahko ta postavijo svojim očetom in dajo svojim očetom svobodo, da lahko odgovorijo. Ker se zavedamo, da tudi očetje odhajajo z eno samo mislijo: "Kakšno žensko pripravljam, ki bo šla v svet?" Samo zato ker je oče zaprt, ne pomeni, da bi moral biti izključen iz hčerinega življenja.
(Applause)
(aplavz)