I was sitting with my girls, and Joy said, "Dang, I wish he'd get off my back. My daddy, he calls me all the time."
Ketika aku duduk bersama gadis-gadis kampku, Joy berkata, “Ah, kuharap dia tidak mengangguku terus. Ayahku meneleponku setiap waktu.” “Kau beruntung karena ayahmu menelepon,” kata Jasmine.
"Lucky for you he calls at all," said Jasmine. "I haven't heard from my dad in years."
“Bertahun-tahun aku tak mendengar kabar dari ayahku.” Saat itu, aku tersadar bahwa para gadis ini memerlukan cara
At this moment, I knew the girls needed a way to connect with their fathers. At Camp Diva, my non-profit organization, we have these types of conversations all the time as a way to help girls of African descent prepare for their passage into womanhood. These girls just needed a way to invite their fathers into their lives on their own terms.
untuk terhubung dengan ayah mereka. Di Camp Diva, organisasi nirlabaku, kami sering berbincang mengenai hal itu sebagai cara untuk membantu gadis-gadis keturunan Afrika mempersiapkan diri mereka menuju masa kedewasaan. Gadis-gadis ini hanya memerlukan cara untuk menghadirkan ayah mereka ke dalam kehidupan mereka dengan ketentuan mereka sendiri.
So I asked the girls, "How can we help other girls develop healthy relationships with their fathers?"
Jadi, kutanyai mereka, “Bagaimana kita bisa membantu gadis lainnya meningkatkan hubungan baik dengan ayah mereka?”
"Let's have a dance," one girl shouted, and all the girls quickly backed her up. They started dreaming about the decorations, invitations, the dresses they were going to wear, and what their fathers could and could not wear. (Laughter) It was off and running before I could even blink my eyes, but even if I could have slowed down those girls, I wouldn't have, because one thing that I have learned from over a decade of working with girls is that they already know what they need. The wisdom lives inside of them. As long as they have infrastructure, mentorship and resources, they can build what they need, not only to survive, but to thrive.
“Mari buat pesta dansa,” seru seorang gadis dan gadis lain segera mendukungnya. Mereka mulai membayangkan dekorasinya, undangan, gaun yang akan mereka pakai, serta yang boleh dan tak boleh dikenakan ayah mereka. (Tawa) Rencana itu terealisasi begitu saja sebelum aku sempat berkata-kata. Meski aku bisa meminta mereka lebih santai, aku tak melakukannya. Sebab, satu hal yang kupelajari setelah lebih dari sepuluh tahun bekerja dengan para gadis adalah mereka sudah paham apa yang mereka perlukan. Kebijaksanaan itu ada dalam diri mereka. Selama mereka disediakan prasarana, bimbingan, dan sumber daya, mereka bisa membangun apa yang mereka perlukan, tidak hanya untuk bertahan hidup, tapi juga untuk berkembang. Jadi, kami mengadakan pesta dansa
So we had a dance, and girls and their fathers came in multitudes. They were dressed to the nines. They acted sweet. (Laughter) They acted silly. They really enjoyed each other's company. It was a huge success. And the girls decided to make it an annual event.
dan banyak sekali gadis serta ayah yang datang. Mereka berpakaian elegan. Mereka bersikap manis. (Tawa) Mereka bertingkah lucu. Mereka sangat menikmati waktu bersama. Pesta dansa itu sangat sukses sehingga para gadis memutuskan untuk menjadikannya acara tahunan. Ketika musim berganti dan tiba saatnya merencanakan pesta dansa lagi,
So as the seasons changed, and it was time to plan the dance again, one girl named Brianna spoke up, and she said, "My dad can't come to the dance, and this whole thing is making me sad."
seorang gadis bernama Brianna menyampaikan masalahnya. Dia berkata, “Ayahku tidak bisa datang ke pesta dansa. Karenanya, aku sangat sedih.”
"Why not?" the girls asked.
“Kenapa?” tanya para gadis.
"Because he's in jail," she bravely admitted.
“Karena dia di dalam penjara.” Dia berani mengakuinya.
"Well, can he just get out for a day?" one of the girls asked. (Laughter)
“Apa dia tidak bisa keluar sehari saja?” tanya seorang gadis.
"And come in shackles?
(Tawa)
That's worse than not having him here at all."
“Lalu datang sambil diborgol? Itu lebih parah daripada ketidakhadirannya.”
At this moment, I saw an opportunity for the girls to rise to the occasion and to become their own heroes. So I asked, "What do you think we should do about this? We want every girl to experience the dance, right?"
Saat itulah, aku melihat kesempatan bagi para siswi untuk bangkit dan jadi pahlawan bagi diri sendiri. Lantas, aku bertanya, “Apa yang bisa kita lakukan? Kita ingin tiap gadis berdansa, ’kan?”
So the girls thought for a moment, and one girl suggested, "Why don't we just take the dance in the jail?"
Mereka sementara berpikir, lalu seorang gadis menyarankan, “Bagaimana jika kita berdansa di penjara?”
Most of the girls doubted the possibility of that, and said, "Are you crazy? Who is going to allow a bunch of little girls, dressed up — " (Laughter) " — to come inside a jail and dance with their daddies in Spongebob suits?" Because that's what they called them.
Kebanyakan gadis meragukan kemungkinan tersebut. Ada yang berkata, “Apa kau sudah gila? Siapa yang akan mengizinkan gadis kecil berbusana ....” (Tawa) “masuk ke penjara dan berdansa dengan ayahnya yang memakai kostum Spongebob?” Karena begitulah para gadis menyebutnya.
I said, "Girls, well, well, you never know unless you ask."
(Tawa) Aku berkata, “Baiklah, Gadis-gadis, kalian tidak akan tahu jika tidak bertanya.”
So a letter was written to the Richmond City Sheriff, signed collectively by each girl, and I would have to say, he is a very special sheriff. He contacted me immediately and said, whenever there is an opportunity to bring families inside, his doors are always open. Because one thing he did know, that when fathers are connected to their children, it is less likely that they will return.
Jadi, kami mengirimkan surat kepada sheriff Kota Richmond, yang sudah ditandatangani oleh para gadis. Harus kuakui, dia sheriff yang sangat istimewa. Dia segera menghubungiku dan mengatakan kapan pun ada kesempatan bagi para keluarga untuk berkunjung, pintunya selalu terbuka. Sebab, satu hal yang dia sadari, saat seorang ayah menjaga hubungan dengan anaknya, kemungkinan dia dipenjara lagi sangat kecil.
So, 16 inmates and 18 girls were invited. The girls were dressed in their Sunday best, and the fathers traded in their yellow and blue jumpsuits for shirts and ties. They hugged. They shared a full catered meal of chicken and fish. They laughed together. It was beautiful. The fathers and daughters even experienced an opportunity to have a physical connection, something that a lot of them didn't even have for a while. Fathers were in a space where they were able to make their daughter's plate, and pull out her chair and extend his hand for a dance. Even the guards cried.
Lantas, 16 tahanan dan 18 gadis diundang. Para gadis mengenakan pakaian terbaiknya, dan ayah mereka mengganti seragam tahanan kuning birunya ke kemeja dan dasi. Mereka berpelukan. Mereka berbagi masakan katering ayam dan ikan. Mereka tertawa bersama. Sungguh indah. Para ayah dan putrinya bahkan mendapat kesempatan untuk terhubung secara fisik. Hal yang cukup lama tak mereka rasakan. Para ayah berada di suatu tempat yang memperbolehkan mereka menyajikan makanan untuk putrinya serta mengajak anaknya berdiri dan menawarkannya untuk berdansa. Bahkan, para penjaga menangis.
But after the dance, we all realized that Dad still would be in jail. So we needed to create something that they could take with them. So we brought in Flip cams, and we had them look at the Flip cams and just interview each other -- their messages, their thoughts. This was going to be used as a touchstone so when they started to miss each other and feel disconnected, they could reconnect through this image.
Namun, setelah pesta dansa, kami semua sadar bahwa Ayah masih akan berada di penjara. Maka, kami perlu menciptakan sesuatu yang dapat terus mereka pegang. Jadi, kami membawa kamera Flip dan mengajak tiap orang melihat kamera sambil saling mewawancarai tentang pesan mereka, pikiran mereka. Kamera itu digunakan sebagai penghubung. Ketika mereka saling merindukan dan merasa berjauhan, mereka dapat terhubung lagi lewat foto ini.
I'll never forget that one girl looked in her father's eyes with that camera and said, "Daddy, when you look at me, what do you see?" Because our daddies are our mirrors that we reflect back on when we decide about what type of man we deserve, and how they see us for the rest of our lives. I know that very well, because I was one of the lucky girls. I have had my father in my life always. He's even here today.
Aku tidak akan lupa saat seorang gadis melihat mata ayahnya lewat kamera itu dan berkata, “Ayah, apa yang bisa Ayah lihat saat melihatku?” Karena ayah kita adalah cermin yang kita refleksikan saat kita memutuskan lelaki mana yang layak untuk kita dan bagaimana dia memandang kita seumur hidup kita. Aku tahu betul rasanya karena aku salah satu gadis yang beruntung. Aku selalu punya ayahku yang terus mendampingiku. Dia bahkan di sini sekarang.
(Applause)
(Tepuk tangan)
And that is why it is extremely special for me to make sure that these girls are connected to their fathers, especially those who are separated because of barbed wires and metal doors. We have just created a form for girls who have heavy questions on their heart to be in a position to ask their fathers those questions and given the fathers the freedom to answer. Because we know that the fathers are even leaving with this one thought: What type of woman am I preparing to put in the world? Because a father is locked in does not mean he should be locked out of his daughter's life.
(Tepuk tangan) Itulah mengapa aku merasa perlu memastikan para gadis ini terhubung dengan ayah mereka, terutama mereka yang terpisah oleh kawat berduri dan jeruji besi. Kami baru saja menciptakan suatu cara bagi gadis-gadis yang menyimpan pertanyaan berat dalam benaknya untuk dapat menyampaikannya kepada ayah mereka sekaligus memberikan ayah mereka kebebasan untuk menjawab. Sebab, kita tahu ketika para ayah meninggalkan anaknya, mereka berpikir, “Bagaimana jadinya putriku saat kulepaskan dia kelak?” Meskipun seorang ayah dipenjara, bukan berarti mereka harus diasingkan dari kehidupan putrinya. (Tepuk tangan)
(Applause)
(Tepuk tangan)