I was sitting with my girls, and Joy said, "Dang, I wish he'd get off my back. My daddy, he calls me all the time."
Sjedila sam sa svojim djevojkama, a Joy je rekla: "K vragu, stvarno bih željela da me ostavi na miru. Moj tata me stalno naziva."
"Lucky for you he calls at all," said Jasmine. "I haven't heard from my dad in years."
"Blago tebi što te uopće zove", rekla je Jasmine. "Meni se moj tata nije javio godinama."
At this moment, I knew the girls needed a way to connect with their fathers. At Camp Diva, my non-profit organization, we have these types of conversations all the time as a way to help girls of African descent prepare for their passage into womanhood. These girls just needed a way to invite their fathers into their lives on their own terms.
U tom trenu znala sam da djevojke trebaju način da se povežu sa svojim očevima. U kampu Diva, mojoj neprofitnoj organizaciji, često vodimo takvu vrstu razgovora te na taj način pomažemo djevojkama afričkog porijekla u pripremi za prijelaz u život odrasle žene. Te su djevojke samo trebale način na koji pozvati svoje očeve u svoj život prema vlastitim uvjetima.
So I asked the girls, "How can we help other girls develop healthy relationships with their fathers?"
Stoga sam upitala djevojke: "Kako možemo pomoći drugim djevojkama da razviju zdrav odnos sa svojim očevima?"
"Let's have a dance," one girl shouted, and all the girls quickly backed her up. They started dreaming about the decorations, invitations, the dresses they were going to wear, and what their fathers could and could not wear. (Laughter) It was off and running before I could even blink my eyes, but even if I could have slowed down those girls, I wouldn't have, because one thing that I have learned from over a decade of working with girls is that they already know what they need. The wisdom lives inside of them. As long as they have infrastructure, mentorship and resources, they can build what they need, not only to survive, but to thrive.
"Održimo ples!", povikala je jedna djevojka, a sve ostale djevojke su je podržale. Počele su sanjariti o ukrasima, pozivnicama, haljinama koje će odjenuti i onome što njihovi roditelji mogu i ne mogu odjenuti. (Smijeh) Sve je već započelo prije nego što sam trepnula, no čak i da sam mogla usporiti djevojke, ne bih to učinila jer sam naučila jedno tijekom više od desetljeća rada s djevojkama, a to je da one već znaju što trebaju. Mudrost živi u njima. Sve dok imaju infrastrukturu, mentorstvo i sredstva, mogu stvoriti ono što im treba; ne samo za preživljavanje, već i za napredovanje.
So we had a dance, and girls and their fathers came in multitudes. They were dressed to the nines. They acted sweet. (Laughter) They acted silly. They really enjoyed each other's company. It was a huge success. And the girls decided to make it an annual event.
Dakle, imali smo ples i došlo je mnogo djevojaka i njihovih očeva. Bili su svečano odjeveni. Bili su dražesni. (Smijeh) Bili su luckasti. Zaista su uživali u međusobnom druženju. Bio je to velik uspjeh. Djevojke su odlučile da to bude događaj koji će se održavati svake godine.
So as the seasons changed, and it was time to plan the dance again, one girl named Brianna spoke up, and she said, "My dad can't come to the dance, and this whole thing is making me sad."
Godišnja su se doba izmjenjivala i došlo je vrijeme za planiranje novog plesa, a djevojka Briana rekla je: "Moj tata ne može doći na ples i sve me to rastužuje."
"Why not?" the girls asked.
"Zašto ne može?", upitale su djevojke.
"Because he's in jail," she bravely admitted.
"Zato što je u zatvoru", hrabro je priznala.
"Well, can he just get out for a day?" one of the girls asked. (Laughter)
"Može li izaći samo na jedan dan?", upitala je jedna od djevojaka. (Smijeh)
"And come in shackles? That's worse than not having him here at all."
"I doći u lisicama? To je gore nego da uopće ne dođe."
At this moment, I saw an opportunity for the girls to rise to the occasion and to become their own heroes. So I asked, "What do you think we should do about this? We want every girl to experience the dance, right?"
Tad sam vidjela priliku da djevojke prihvate izazov i postanu vlastiti junaci. Upitala sam: "Što mislite da bismo trebale napraviti u vezi toga? Želimo da svaka djevojka iskusi ples, zar ne?"
So the girls thought for a moment, and one girl suggested, "Why don't we just take the dance in the jail?"
Djevojke su kratko razmišljale, a jedna od njih je predložila: "Zašto jednostavno ne održimo ples u zatvoru?"
Most of the girls doubted the possibility of that, and said, "Are you crazy? Who is going to allow a bunch of little girls, dressed up — " (Laughter) " — to come inside a jail and dance with their daddies in Spongebob suits?" Because that's what they called them.
Većina djevojaka sumnjala je u tu mogućnost pa su rekle: "Jesi li ti luda? Tko će dopustiti hrpi djevojčica odjevenim u haljine -- '' (Smijeh) " -- da dođu u zatvor i plešu sa svojim očevima u spužva-bob odijelima?" Tako su zvale zatvorska odijela.
I said, "Girls, well, well, you never know unless you ask."
Ja sam rekla: "Djevojke, djevojke, nikad nećete znati ako ne pitate."
So a letter was written to the Richmond City Sheriff, signed collectively by each girl, and I would have to say, he is a very special sheriff. He contacted me immediately and said, whenever there is an opportunity to bring families inside, his doors are always open. Because one thing he did know, that when fathers are connected to their children, it is less likely that they will return.
Napisale smo pismo šerifu Richmonda, potpisale su ga sve djevojke, a ja moram reći da je on vrlo poseban šerif. Odmah me kontaktirao te rekao da, kad god postoji mogućnost da se obitelji dovedu unutra, njegova su vrata uvijek otvorena. Jer znao je jednu stvar: kad su očevi povezani sa svojom djecom, manja je vjerojatnost da će se vratiti.
So, 16 inmates and 18 girls were invited. The girls were dressed in their Sunday best, and the fathers traded in their yellow and blue jumpsuits for shirts and ties. They hugged. They shared a full catered meal of chicken and fish. They laughed together. It was beautiful. The fathers and daughters even experienced an opportunity to have a physical connection, something that a lot of them didn't even have for a while. Fathers were in a space where they were able to make their daughter's plate, and pull out her chair and extend his hand for a dance. Even the guards cried.
Dakle, pozvano je 16 zatvorenika i 18 djevojaka. Djevojke su bile odjevene u svoju najbolju odjeću, a očevi su zamijenili svoja žuta i plava zatvorska odijela košuljama i kravatama. Zagrlili su se. Podijelili su dostavljeni obrok, piletinu i ribu. Smijali su se zajedno. Bilo je prekrasno. Očevi i kćeri čak su iskusili priliku da budu i fizički povezani, nešto što mnogi od njih dugo uopće nisu imali. Očevi su se nalazili u prostoru gdje su mogli plesati sa svojim kćerima te im izvući stolicu i pružiti ruku za ples. Čak su i čuvari plakali.
But after the dance, we all realized that Dad still would be in jail. So we needed to create something that they could take with them. So we brought in Flip cams, and we had them look at the Flip cams and just interview each other -- their messages, their thoughts. This was going to be used as a touchstone so when they started to miss each other and feel disconnected, they could reconnect through this image.
No nakon plesa, shvatili smo da će očevi ipak morati ostati u zatvoru. Trebali smo napraviti nešto što bismo mogli ponijeti sa sobom. Donijeli smo Flip kamere u koje su gledali i intervjuirali jedni druge -- svoje poruke, svoje misli. Ovo će koristiti kao podsjetnik pa kad počnu nedostajati jedni drugima i osjećati se nepovezano, mogu se ponovno povezati kroz tu sliku.
I'll never forget that one girl looked in her father's eyes with that camera and said, "Daddy, when you look at me, what do you see?" Because our daddies are our mirrors that we reflect back on when we decide about what type of man we deserve, and how they see us for the rest of our lives. I know that very well, because I was one of the lucky girls. I have had my father in my life always. He's even here today.
Nikad neću zaboraviti kad je jedna djevojka pogledala svog oca u oči s tom kamerom i rekla: "Tata, kad me pogledaš, što vidiš?" Jer naši su očevi naša zrcala na koja se osvrćemo kad odlučujemo kakav tip muškarca zaslužujemo i kako nas oni vide do kraja našeg života. Ja to znam vrlo dobro jer sam bila jedna od sretnih djevojaka. Moj je otac uvijek bio u mom životu. Čak je i danas ovdje.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
And that is why it is extremely special for me to make sure that these girls are connected to their fathers, especially those who are separated because of barbed wires and metal doors. We have just created a form for girls who have heavy questions on their heart to be in a position to ask their fathers those questions and given the fathers the freedom to answer. Because we know that the fathers are even leaving with this one thought: What type of woman am I preparing to put in the world? Because a father is locked in does not mean he should be locked out of his daughter's life.
I zato je za mene iznimno važno da su ove djevojke povezane sa svojim očevima, posebno one koje su odvojene bodljikavim žicama i metalnim vratima. Upravo smo stvorili obrazac za djevojke koje imaju teška pitanja na srcu da mogu pitati svoje očeve ta pitanja te da daju očevima slobodu odgovoriti. Jer znamo da očevi odlaze s jednom mišlju: "Kakav tip žene pripremam za ovaj svijet?" To što je otac zatvoren ne znači da bi trebao biti i isključen iz života svoje kćeri.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)