"Even in purely nonreligious terms, homosexuality represents a misuse of the sexual faculty. It is a pathetic little second-rate substitute for reality -- a pitiable flight from life. As such, it deserves no compassion, it deserves no treatment as minority martyrdom, and it deserves not to be deemed anything but a pernicious sickness."
"Erlijioz kanpoko ikuspuntutik ere, homosexualitatea sexu-gaitasunaren erabilera okerra da. Errealitatearen bigarren mailako ordezko penagarria da -- bizitzatik ihesa negargarria. Beraz, ez du merezi inolako errukirik, , ez du merezi tratatzea gutxiengo martirizatu gisa, eta gaixotasun kaltegarritzat jotzea baino ez du merezi."
That's from "Time" magazine in 1966, when I was three years old. And last year, the president of the United States came out in favor of gay marriage.
Hau Time Magazinen agertu zen 1966an, nik 3 urte nituenean. Eta iaz, AEBtako presidenteak gayen arteko ezkontzen alde azaldu zen.
(Applause)
(Txaloak)
And my question is: How did we get from there to here? How did an illness become an identity?
Nire galdera da, nola joan gara handik hona? Nola bihurtu da gaixotasun bat identitate?
When I was perhaps six years old, I went to a shoe store with my mother and my brother. And at the end of buying our shoes, the salesman said to us that we could each have a balloon to take home. My brother wanted a red balloon, and I wanted a pink balloon. My mother said that she thought I'd really rather have a blue balloon.
Sei urte inguru nituenean, Zapata denda batera joan nintzen ama eta anaiarekin. Zapatak erosten amaitu genuenean, saltzaileak esan zigun puxika bat aukeratzeko etxera eramateko. Anaiak puxika gorria nahi zuen, eta nik puxika arrosa. Amak esan zuen nik puxika urdina nahiago izango nuela.
(Laughter)
Baina nik esan nion puxika arrosa nahi nuela benetan.
But I said that I definitely wanted the pink one. And she reminded me that my favorite color was blue. The fact that my favorite color now is blue, but I'm still gay --
Berak gogorarazi zidan nire kolore gustukoena urdina zela. Gauza da orain nire kolore gustukoena urdina dela, baina gay naiz oraindik --
(Laughter)
(Barreak) --
is evidence of both my mother's influence and its limits.
eta horrek erakusten ditu amaren eragina eta bere mugak.
(Laughter)
(Barreak)
(Applause)
(Txaloak)
When I was little, my mother used to say, "The love you have for your children is like no other feeling in the world. And until you have children, you don't know what it's like." And when I was little, I took it as the greatest compliment in the world that she would say that about parenting my brother and me. And when I was an adolescent, I thought, "But I'm gay, and so I probably can't have a family." And when she said it, it made me anxious. And after I came out of the closet, when she continued to say it, it made me furious. I said, "I'm gay. That's not the direction that I'm headed in. And I want you to stop saying that."
Txikia nintzenean, amak esaten zuen, "Umeenganako maitasunak ez du pareko sentimendurik munduan. Eta umeak dituzunera arte, ez dakizu nolakoa den." Eta txikia nintzenean, munduko laudorio hoberena zen amak hori esatea ni eta anaiaren guraso izateari buruz. Eta nerabe nintzenean, uste nuen gay nintzela, beraz, ezin izango nuela familiarik izan. Eta berak hau zionean, kezkatu egiten nintzen. Eta armairutik irten nintzenean, berak hori esaten jarraitzeak haserrarazten ninduen. Esan nuen: "Gay naiz. Hori ez da nire jarraibidea. Eta hori esateari uztea nahi dut."
About 20 years ago, I was asked by my editors at the "New York Times Magazine" to write a piece about Deaf culture. And I was rather taken aback. I had thought of deafness entirely as an illness: those poor people, they couldn't hear, they lacked hearing, and what could we do for them? And then I went out into the Deaf world. I went to Deaf clubs. I saw performances of Deaf theater and of Deaf poetry. I even went to the Miss Deaf America contest in Nashville, Tennessee, where people complained about that slurry Southern signing.
Direla 20 bat urte, The New York Times Magazineko editoreek eskatu zidaten gorren kulturari buruzko artikulua idazteko. Guztiz txundituta geratu nintzen. Gortasuna niretzako gaixotasun bat zen. Gizajo horiek ezin zuten entzun. Ezin zuten entzun, eta zer egin genezaken euren alde? Eta gorren munduan murgildu nintzen. Gorren klubetara joan nintzen. Gorren antzerki eta poesia saioak ikusi nituen. Baita Nashvillen, Tennesseen, izan zen miss Amerika gorra lehiaketara ere non jendea hegoaldeko kutsudun zeinu-hizkuntzari buruz kexatzen zen.
(Laughter)
(Barreak)
And as I plunged deeper and deeper into the Deaf world, I became convinced that Deafness was a culture and that the people in the Deaf world who said, "We don't lack hearing; we have membership in a culture," were saying something that was viable. It wasn't my culture, and I didn't particularly want to rush off and join it, but I appreciated that it was a culture and that for the people who were members of it, it felt as valuable as Latino culture or gay culture or Jewish culture. It felt as valid, perhaps, even as American culture.
Eta gor-munduan sakon murgiltzen nintzen bitartean, gortasuna kultura bat zela konbentzitu nintzen eta gorren munduko kideek, hau esaten zutena: "Ez zaigu entzutea falta, kultura baten kideak gara", gauza bideragarria adierazten zutela. Ez zen nire kultura, eta ez nuen gogo handirik bertan izena emateko, baina kultura bat zelaz ohartu nintzen eta bertako kideentzat, kultura latino, gay edo judua bezain baliotsua. Amerikar kultura bezain baliotsua behar bada ere.
Then a friend of a friend of mine had a daughter who was a dwarf. And when her daughter was born, she suddenly found herself confronting questions that now began to seem quite resonant to me. She was facing the question of what to do with this child. Should she say, "You're just like everyone else but a little bit shorter?" Or should she try to construct some kind of dwarf identity, get involved in the Little People of America, become aware of what was happening for dwarfs?
Orduan, lagun baten lagunak alaba bat izan zuen, nanoa zena. Bere alaba jaio zenean, bere burua zenbait arazoen aurre ikusten zuen nigan oihartzuna izaten hasi zena. Arazoa zen ume honekin zer egin behar zuen. Esan beharko luke: "Beste edonor bezalakoa zara, baina txikiagoa? Edo nano identitate bat sortzen saiatuko beharko litzateke, Ameriketako Jende Txikiak elkartean sartu, nanoei gertatzen zaienaz ikasi?
And I suddenly thought, "Most deaf children are born to hearing parents. Those hearing parents tend to try to cure them. Those deaf people discover community somehow in adolescence. Most gay people are born to straight parents. Those straight parents often want them to function in what they think of as the mainstream world, and those gay people have to discover identity later on. And here was this friend of mine, looking at these questions of identity with her dwarf daughter. And I thought, "There it is again: a family that perceives itself to be normal with a child who seems to be extraordinary." And I hatched the idea that there are really two kinds of identity.
Bat-batean bururatu zitzaidan, ume gor gehienak entzuten duten gurasoengandik jaiotzen direla. Entzuten duten gurasoek umea sendatzen saiatzen dira. Lagun gor horiek nerabezaroan aurkitzen dute komunitateren bat. Lagun gay gehienak guraso heterosexualengandik jaiotzen dira. Guraso horiek askotan nahi izaten dute umea funtzionatzea korronte nagusia dena uste dutenaren arabera, eta lagun gay horiek identitatea beranduago deskubritu behar dute. Eta hona hemen nire lagun hura identitateari inguruko arazoei so bere alaba nanoarekin. Eta pentsatu nuen: hemen dago berriz. Bere burua normaltzat jotzen duen familia bat ezohizkoa dirudien ume batekin. Eta ideia hau errun nuen, identitate bi daudela egiaz.
There are vertical identities, which are passed down generationally from parent to child. Those are things like ethnicity, frequently nationality, language, often religion. Those are things you have in common with your parents and with your children. And while some of them can be difficult, there's no attempt to cure them. You can argue that it's harder in the United States -- our current presidency notwithstanding -- to be a person of color. And yet, we have nobody who is trying to ensure that the next generation of children born to African-Americans and Asians come out with creamy skin and yellow hair.
Badira identitate bertikalak, gurasoengandik umeengana doazenak. Hor dira etnia, nazionalitatea askotan, hizkuntza, erlijioa maiz. Horiek dira guraso eta seme-alabengan bat datozen gauzak. Eta batzuk zailak badira ere, inor ez da haiek osatzen saiatzen. Esan dezakezu AEBtan zailagoa dela -- gure oraingo presidentea gorabehera -- pertsona beltza izatea. Eta jada, inor ez da saiatzen ari Ameriketan jatorri afrikar edo asiarreko jaioko den hurrengo belaunaldia ile horia eta azal argia izateko.
There are these other identities which you have to learn from a peer group, and I call them "horizontal identities," because the peer group is the horizontal experience. These are identities that are alien to your parents and that you have to discover when you get to see them in peers. And those identities, those horizontal identities, people have almost always tried to cure.
Badira beste zenbait identitate taldeko kideengandik ikasi behar dituzunak. Nik identitate horizontalak deritzet, kideen taldea esperientzia horizontala delako. Identitate hauek arrotzak dira gurasoentzako eta kideengan ikustean deskubritu behar dira. Identitate horizontal horiek, jendea beti saiatu da horiek sendatzen.
And I wanted to look at what the process is through which people who have those identities come to a good relationship with them. And it seemed to me that there were three levels of acceptance that needed to take place. There's self-acceptance, there's family acceptance, and there's social acceptance. And they don't always coincide.
Prozesu hori aztertu nahi nuen, identitate hori dutenek berarekin harreman onak izatera nola heltzen diren. Iruditu zitzaidan hiru onarpen maila zeudela gertatu behar zirenak. Badago norberaren onarpena, familiarena eta gizartearena. Eta ez dira beti aldi berean gertatzen.
And a lot of the time, people who have these conditions are very angry, because they feel as though their parents don't love them, when what actually has happened is that their parents don't accept them. Love is something that, ideally, is there unconditionally throughout the relationship between a parent and a child. But acceptance is something that takes time. It always takes time.
Askotan, ezaugarri hauek dutenek oso haserre daude gurasoek ez dituztela maite sentitzen dutelako, egiaz gertatzen dena gurasoek ez dituztela onartzen izan arren. Amodioa, inolako baldintzarik gabekoa izan beharko litzateke guraso eta seme-alaben harremanetan. Baina onarpenak denbora behar du. Beti behar du denbora.
One of the dwarfs I got to know was a guy named Clinton Brown. When he was born, he was diagnosed with diastrophic dwarfism, a very disabling condition, and his parents were told that he would never walk, he would never talk, he would have no intellectual capacity, and he would probably not even recognize them. And it was suggested to them that they leave him at the hospital so that he could die there quietly.
Ezagutu nuen nanoetako bat Clinton Brown zeritzon. Jaiotzean nanismo diastrofikoa diagnostikatu zioten, gaixotasun oso larria, Eta gurasoei esan zieten ezin izango zuela inoiz ibili, hitz egin, adimen gutxi izango zuela, gurasoak ere ez zituela ezagutuko. Iradoki zieten umea ospitalean uzteko bertan lasai hil zedin. Amak esan zuen ez zuela horrelakorik egingo.
His mother said she wasn't going to do it, and she took her son home. And even though she didn't have a lot of educational or financial advantages, she found the best doctor in the country for dealing with diastrophic dwarfism, and she got Clinton enrolled with him. And in the course of his childhood, he had 30 major surgical procedures. And he spent all this time stuck in the hospital while he was having those procedures, as a result of which, he now can walk.
Eta umea etxera eraman zuen. Eta hezkuntza edo diruzko baliabide asko ez bazuen ere, estatuko doktorerik hoberena aurkitu zuen nanismo diastrofikoa tratatzeko, eta medikuak Clinton zaintzea lortu zuen. Eta haurtzaroan zehar, 30 ebakuntza garrantzitsu egin zioten. Denbora hura ospitalean sartuta eman zuen ebakuntzak egiten zizkiotenean, eta ondorioz gaur ibiltzeko gai da.
While he was there, they sent tutors around to help him with his schoolwork, and he worked very hard, because there was nothing else to do. He ended up achieving at a level that had never before been contemplated by any member of his family. He was the first one in his family, in fact, to go to college, where he lived on campus and drove a specially fitted car that accommodated his unusual body.
Bertan zegoela, irakasleak bidali zizkioten eskola-lanarekin laguntzeko. Gogor egin zuen lan ez baitzegoen beste zereginik. Eta lortu zuen maila bat, beste seniderik inoiz lortu izan ez zuena. Bera izan zen bere familian unibertsitatera joan zen lehena, kanpusean bizi zen eta egokitutako kotxea gidatzen zuen, bere ezohizko gorputzari moldatutakoa.
And his mother told me the story of coming home one day -- and he went to college nearby -- and she said, "I saw that car, which you can always recognize, in the parking lot of a bar," she said.
Amak kontatu zidanez, behin etxera zetorrela -- auzoan zegoen unibertsitatea -- amak esan zidan: "Kotxe hura ikusi nuen, erraz ezagutzen dena, taberna baten aparkalekuan". (Barreak)
(Laughter)
"Nire buruari esan nion: haiek 1,80 m dute, berak 0.90m.
"And I thought to myself, 'They're six feet tall, he's three feet tall. Two beers for them is four beers for him.'" She said, "I knew I couldn't go in there and interrupt him, but I went home, and I left him eight messages on his cell phone." She said, "And then I thought, if someone had said to me, when he was born, that my future worry would be that he'd go drinking and driving with his college buddies ..."
Haientzako 2 garagardo berarentzako 4 dira." Esan zidan:"Banekien ezin nintzela sartu eta bera moztu, baina etxera joan eta sakelakoan zortzi mezu utzi nizkion". Esan zuen: "Orduan pentsatu nuen jaio zenean inork esan izan balit etorkizunean kezkatuko nintzela lagunekin edaten eta gidatzen ibiliko zela -- " (Txaloak)
(Laughter)
(Applause)
And I said to her, "What do you think you did that helped him to emerge as this charming, accomplished, wonderful person?" And she said, "What did I do? I loved him, that's all. Clinton just always had that light in him. And his father and I were lucky enough to be the first to see it there."
Esan nion: "Zer uste duzu egin zenuela halako pertsona xarmant, oso, zoragarria izan dadin? Eta berak: "Zer egin dudan? Bera maitatu, hori baino ez. Clintonek beti izan du bere baitan argi hura. Aita eta biok zoriontsuak gara hura ikusten lehenak garelako."
I'm going to quote from another magazine of the '60s. This one is from 1968 -- "The Atlantic Monthly," voice of liberal America -- written by an important bioethicist. He said, "There is no reason to feel guilty about putting a Down's syndrome child away, whether it is 'put away' in the sense of hidden in a sanitarium or in a more responsible, lethal sense. It is sad, yes. Dreadful. But it carries no guilt. True guilt arises only from an offense against a person, and a Down's is not a person."
60 hamarkadako beste aldizkari bat aipatuko dut. Hau 1968koa da, The Atlantic Monthly, Amerika liberalaren ahotsa, bioetikan aditu batek idatzia. Hau zioen: "Ez daukagu zertan errudun sentitu haur trisomiko bat baztertzeagatik, bai erietxe baten ezkutatzen dugulako edo bai beste modu baten, arduratsuago eta hilgarriagoan. Penagarria da, bai, izugarria. Baina ez dakar errurik. Benetako errua pertsona bati egindako kaltetik dator, eta haur trisomikoa ez da pertsona bat".
There's been a lot of ink given to the enormous progress that we've made in the treatment of gay people. The fact that our attitude has changed is in the headlines every day. But we forget how we used to see people who had other differences, how we used to see people who were disabled, how inhuman we held people to be. And the change that's been accomplished there, which is almost equally radical, is one that we pay not very much attention to.
Tinta asko gastatu da egin dugun aurrerapenari buruz gay direnak tratatzen ditugun eran. Gure jarrera aldatu dela egunero ikusten dugu egunkarietan. Baina beste motako ezberdintasundunak nola tratatzen genituen ahazten dugu, ezinduak nola ikusten genituen, ez genituela gizakitzat jotzen. Eta hemen izan den aldaketa, ia hain erradikala dena, eta kontuan hartzen ez duguna.
One of the families I interviewed, Tom and Karen Robards, were taken aback when, as young and successful New Yorkers, their first child was diagnosed with Down syndrome. They thought the educational opportunities for him were not what they should be, and so they decided they would build a little center -- two classrooms that they started with a few other parents -- to educate kids with DS. And over the years, that center grew into something called the Cooke Center, where there are now thousands upon thousands of children with intellectual disabilities who are being taught.
Elkarrizketatu nuen familia bat, Tom and Karen Robards, txundituta gelditu ziren, newyorktar gazte eta arrakastatsu zirelarik, euren lehen umea Down sindromea zuela aurkitu zutenean. Iruditzen zitzaien heziketa aukerak ez zirela izan beharrekoak, eta beraz ikastetxe txiki bat sortzea erabaki zuten, gela bi, beste guraso gutxiekin martxan jarri zutena haur trisomikoak hezteko. Urteekin ikastetxea hazi eta Cook Center izena hartu du, eta bertan orain milaka ume daude adimen-ezgaitasunak izan eta hezkuntza jasotzen dutenak. Atlantic Monthlyko artikulua irten zen egunetik,
In the time since that "Atlantic Monthly" story ran, the life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has tripled. The experience of Down syndrome people includes those who are actors, those who are writers, some who are able to live fully independently in adulthood.
haur trisomikoen bizi-itxaropena hirukoiztu egin da. Down sindromedunen esperientzian badaude aktoreak direnak, idazleak direnak, helduak direnean guztiz independente bizi daitekeenak.
The Robards had a lot to do with that. And I said, "Do you regret it? Do you wish your child didn't have Down syndrome? Do you wish you'd never heard of it?" And interestingly, his father said, "Well, for David, our son, I regret it, because for David, it's a difficult way to be in the world, and I'd like to give David an easier life. But I think if we lost everyone with Down syndrome, it would be a catastrophic loss."
Robards bikoteak horretan badu zerikusia. Esan nien: Damutzen al zarete? Gustatuko litzaizueke zuen umea trisomikoa ez izatea? Horren berririk inoiz izan ez izatea?" Aitaren erantzun bitxia hau izan zen: "Bai, David, semearengandik, pena ematen dit, Davidek munduan duen bizimodua zaila baita, eta Daviden bizitza erraztu nahiko nuke. Baina Down sindromedunak desagertuz gero, galera katastrofikoa litzateke. Eta Karen Robardsek esan zidan: Bat nator Tomekin.
And Karen Robards said to me, "I'm with Tom. For David, I would cure it in an instant, to give him an easier life. But speaking for myself -- well, I would never have believed 23 years ago when he was born that I could come to such a point. Speaking for myself, it's made me so much better and so much kinder and so much more purposeful in my whole life that, speaking for myself, I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world."
Davidi dagokionez, bai sendatuko nuke bizitza hobeagoa emateko. Baina nitaz ari banaiz --, direla 23 urte, bera jaio zenean ez nuen inoiz sinistuko puntu honetara helduko nintzenik -- niri dagokidanez, hobea, gozoagoa egin nau eta nire bizitza esanguratsuago bihurtu du, nik neuk ez nioke inoiz uko egingo."
We live at a point when social acceptance for these and many other conditions is on the up and up. And yet we also live at the moment when our ability to eliminate those conditions has reached a height we never imagined before. Most deaf infants born in the United States now will receive cochlear implants, which are put into the brain and connected to a receiver, and which allow them to acquire a facsimile of hearing and to use oral speech. A compound that has been tested in mice, BMN-111, is useful in preventing the action of the achondroplasia gene. Achondroplasia is the most common form of dwarfism, and mice who have been given that substance and who have the achondroplasia gene grow to full size. Testing in humans is around the corner. There are blood tests which are making progress that would pick up Down syndrome more clearly and earlier in pregnancies than ever before, making it easier and easier for people to eliminate those pregnancies, or to terminate them.
Garai honetan gaixotasun honen eta beste zenbaiten gizartearen onarpena gora doa. Baina bizi garen une honetan gaixotasun hauek ezabatzeko gure ahalmena inoiz uste izandako mailara heldu da. Gaur AEBn gor jaiotzen diren ume gehienek koklea inplanteak jasoko dituzte, burmuinean jartzen direnak hargailu bati konektatuta, eta entzumen antzeko zerbait ematen diena eta hitza erabiltzeko gaitu. Arratoiengan probatu den konposatu batek,BMN-111ak, akondroplasia-genearen eragina prebenitzeko balio du. Akondroplasia da nanismoaren forma arruntena, eta konposatu hura jaso duten akondroplasiadun arratoiek normal hazten dira. Laster egingo dituzte probak gizakiengan. Odol-proba batzuk aurrerapena ekartzen ari dira, haurdunaldian inoiz baino goizago Down sindromea detektatuko lukete haurdunaldi horiek errazago ekiditea erraztuz, edo haurdunaldia amaitzea. Beraz gizarte eta medikuntza arlo bietan daude aurrerapenak.
So we have both social progress and medical progress. And I believe in both of them. I believe the social progress is fantastic and meaningful and wonderful, and I think the same thing about the medical progress. But I think it's a tragedy when one of them doesn't see the other. And when I see the way they're intersecting in conditions like the three I've just described, I sometimes think it's like those moments in grand opera when the hero realizes he loves the heroine at the exact moment that she lies expiring on a divan.
Nik bietan sinesten dut. Uste dut gizarte-aurrerapena bikaina, esanguratsua, zoragarria dela, eta berdin deritzot medikuntzaren aurrerapenari. Baina uste dut tragedia dela batak ez duenean bestea ikusten. Eta nola gurutzatzen diren ikusten dudanean aipatu ditudan hiru gaixotasunetan bezala, batzuetan iruditzen zait operako une horiek bezalakoa dela, gizon heroia ohartzen denean emakume heroia maite duela emakumea dibanean etzanda hiltzen dagoen une berean. (Barreak)
(Laughter)
We have to think about how we feel about cures altogether. And a lot of the time the question of parenthood is: What do we validate in our children, and what do we cure in them?
Hausnartu beharko genuke sendaketez sentitzen dugunari buruz. Askotan, guraso izatearen arazoa hau da: zer da umeengan ontzat ematen duguna, eta zer da sendatzen duguna?
Jim Sinclair, a prominent autism activist, said, "When parents say, 'I wish my child did not have autism,' what they're really saying is, 'I wish the child I have did not exist and I had a different, nonautistic child instead.' Read that again. This is what we hear when you mourn over our existence. This is what we hear when you pray for a cure: that your fondest wish for us is that someday we will cease to be, and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces." It's a very extreme point of view, but it points to the reality that people engage with the life they have and they don't want to be cured or changed or eliminated. They want to be whoever it is that they've come to be.
Jim Sinclairek, autismoaren aktibista famatuak, esan zuen: "Gurasoek diotenean: Gustatuko litzaidake nire haurrak autismorik ez izatea, benetan diotena da:Gustatuko litzaidake umea existituko ez balitz eta beste ume bat, autista ez zena, izango banu. Berriz irakurri. Hau da entzuten duguna gure existentziaz kexatzen zarenean. Hau da entzuten duguna sendaketa eskatzen duzunean -- guretzako gehien nahi duzuena dela inoiz gehiago ez existitzea eta gure aurpegien atzean arrotz maitagarriak mugi daitezela." Muturreko ikuspuntua da, baina erakusten du jendeak jada duen bizitza bizi duela eta ez dutela nahi inork sendatu, aldatu edo ezabatzea. Existitu nahi dute, direnak direla.
One of the families I interviewed for this project was the family of Dylan Klebold, who was one of the perpetrators of the Columbine massacre. It took a long time to persuade them to talk to me, and once they agreed, they were so full of their story that they couldn't stop telling it, and the first weekend I spent with them, the first of many, I recorded more than 20 hours of conversation.
Proiektu honetarako elkarrizketatutako familia bat Dylan Kleboldena izan zen, Columbineko sarraskiaren egileetako bat. Kostatu zitzaidan nirekin hitz egiteko konbentzitzea, eta onartu zutenean, hain zuten istorioaz burua beteta ezin ziotela kontatzeari utzi. Eurekin pasa nuen lehen asteburuan -- askoetatik lehena-- 20 ordu baino gehiagoko elkarrizketa grabatu nuen.
And on Sunday night, we were all exhausted. We were sitting in the kitchen. Sue Klebold was fixing dinner. And I said, "If Dylan were here now, do you have a sense of what you'd want to ask him?" And his father said, "I sure do. I'd want to ask him what the hell he thought he was doing." And Sue looked at the floor, and she thought for a minute. And then she looked back up and said, "I would ask him to forgive me for being his mother and never knowing what was going on inside his head."
Igande gauean, jota geunden denak. Sukaldean geunden jezarrita. Sue Klebold afaria prestatzen ari zen. Eta esan nuen: "Dylan hemen balego orain, ba al dakizue zer galdetuko zenioketen?" Eta aitak: Noski baietz. Galdetuko nioke zer uste zuen ari zela egiten." Suek lurrera begiratu zuen, eta minutu batez pentsatzen egon zen. Orduan, begirada altxatu eta esan zuen: "Bere ama izateagatik barkatzeko eskatuko nioke inoiz ez bainuen asmatu buruan zeukana."
When I had dinner with her a couple of years later -- one of many dinners that we had together -- she said, "You know, when it first happened, I used to wish that I had never married, that I had never had children. If I hadn't gone to Ohio State and crossed paths with Tom, this child wouldn't have existed, and this terrible thing wouldn't have happened. But I've come to feel that I love the children I had so much that I don't want to imagine a life without them. I recognize the pain they caused to others, for which there can be no forgiveness, but the pain they caused to me, there is," she said. "So while I recognize that it would have been better for the world if Dylan had never been born, I've decided that it would not have been better for me."
Urte pare bat geroago berarekin afaldu nuenean -- maiz izan genuen afarietako baten -- esan zidan: "Ba al dakizu, hura gertatu zenean, nahi izaten nuen inoiz ez ezkondu izana, umeak izan ez izana. Ohiora joan eta Tom aurkitu izan ez banu, ume hau ez zen existituko eta gauza ikaragarri hura ez zen gertatuko. Baina sentitzen dut izan ditudan umeak hainbeste maitatzen ditudala ez dudala nahi eurak gabeko bizitzan pentsatu ere. Ikusten dut besteei egin zieten mina, eta ez dago hori barkatzerik, baina niri eragindako minak, badu barkamena" esan zuen. "Beraz, nahiz eta ikusi munduarentzako hobea izango zela Dylan jaio ez izana, erabaki dut niretzako hori ez zela hobea izango."
I thought it was surprising how all of these families had all of these children with all of these problems, problems that they mostly would have done anything to avoid, and that they had all found so much meaning in that experience of parenting. And then I thought, all of us who have children love the children we have, with their flaws. If some glorious angel suddenly descended through my living-room ceiling and offered to take away the children I have and give me other, better children -- more polite, funnier, nicer, smarter --
Harrigarria zen familia hauek,arazo hauek dituzten ume hauek dituztenak, arazoa ez izateko gehienek edozer egingo luketen arazoak, eta zer nolako esangura aurkitu dioten guraso izateari ikustea. Orduan pentsatu nuen, umeak ditugunok gure umeak maite ditugu, euren akatsekin. Aingeru zoragarri bat tupustean salako sabaitik bera baletor eta eskainiko balit ditudan umeak eramatea beste hobeago batzuk emateko, finagoak, dibertigarriagoak, goxoagoak, azkarragoak,
(Laughter)
umeak gogor heldu eta otoi egingo nuke ikuskizun anker hura desagertzeko.
I would cling to the children I have and pray away that atrocious spectacle. And ultimately, I feel that in the same way that we test flame-retardant pajamas in an inferno to ensure they won't catch fire when our child reaches across the stove, so these stories of families negotiating these extreme differences reflect on the universal experience of parenting, which is always that sometimes, you look at your child, and you think, "Where did you come from?"
Eta azkenean uste dut suaren kontrako pijamak su-ontzian probatzen ditugun modu berean gure umea labera hurbiltzean ez dela erreko ziurtatzeko, desberdintasun itzel hauetara moldatzen diren familien istorio hauek gurasotasunaren esperientzia unibertsala islatzen dutela. Batzuetan zure umeari begiratu eta bururatzen zaizu: Nondik etorri ote haiz hi?
(Laughter)
(Barreak)
It turns out that while each of these individual differences is siloed -- there are only so many families dealing with schizophrenia, only so many families of children who are transgender, only so many families of prodigies -- who also face similar challenges in many ways -- there are only so many families in each of those categories. But if you start to think that the experience of negotiating difference within your family is what people are addressing, then you discover that it's a nearly universal phenomenon. Ironically, it turns out, that it's our differences and our negotiation of difference that unite us.
Kontua da banakako desberdintasunak zatituta gordetzen diren bitartean -- familia kopuru mugatu batean dago eskizofrenia, familia kopuru mugatu batean daude ume-transgeneroak, familia kopuru mugatu batean haur prodijioak -- pareko erronkak dituzten familiak -- familia kopuru mugatu bat dago kategoria bakoitzean -- baina pentsatzen hasiz gero familian desberdintasunei moldatzeko esperientzia dela jendeak egin beharrekoa, orduan ikusten duzu arazo ia unibertsala dela. Ironikoki, gure desberdintasunak eta berak moldatzen dugun modua direla bat egiten gaituena.
I decided to have children while I was working on this project. And many people were astonished and said, "But how can you decide to have children in the midst of studying everything that can go wrong?" And I said, "I'm not studying everything that can go wrong. What I'm studying is how much love there can be, even when everything appears to be going wrong."
Proiektu honetan ari nintzela erabaki nuen umeak izatea. Askok harrituta zioten: "Nola erabaki dezakezu umeak izatea oker joan daitekeen guztia ikertzen duzun bitartean?" Esan nien:"Ez dut ikertzen oker joan daitekeena. Ikertzen ari naizena da zenbat maitasun egon daitekeen, dena oker doala dirudienean ere."
I thought a lot about the mother of one disabled child I had seen, a severely disabled child who died through caregiver neglect. And when his ashes were interred, his mother said, "I pray here for forgiveness for having been twice robbed: once of the child I wanted, and once of the son I loved." And I figured it was possible, then, for anyone to love any child, if they had the effective will to do so.
Asko akordatzen nintzen haur ezindu baten amarekin, haur larri ezindu bat zaindarien utzikeriarengatik hil zena. Errautsak lurperatu zituztenean, amak esan zuen: "Bi gauza lapurtu dizkidatelako barkamena eskatzeko egiten dut otoi, lehena, desiratzen nuen haurra eta bigarrena, maite nuen semea." Ulertu nuen edonor edozein haur maitatzeko gai zela horretarako borondatea izanez gero.
So, my husband is the biological father of two children with some lesbian friends in Minneapolis. I had a close friend from college who'd gone through a divorce and wanted to have children. And so she and I have a daughter, and mother and daughter live in Texas. And my husband and I have a son who lives with us all the time, of whom I am the biological father, and our surrogate for the pregnancy was Laura, the lesbian mother of Oliver and Lucy in Minneapolis.
Nire senarra ume biren aita biologikoa da Minneapoliseko bi lagun lesbianekin izandakoak. Eskolako nire lagun min bat dibortziatuta zegoen eta ume bat izan nahi zuen. Beraz, gu biok alaba bat izan genuen, eta ama eta alaba Texasen bizi dira. Senarra eta biok seme bat dugu gurekin bizi dena. Ni naiz aita biologikoa, eta Laura izan zen haurdunaldia bizi zuena, Minneapolisen bizi diren Lucy eta Oliverren ama lesbiana.
(Laughter)
So --
(Txaloak)
(Applause)
Hau da, 5 guraso 3 estatuetan 4 umeentzako.
The shorthand is: five parents of four children in three states.
(Laughter)
Bada jendea uste duena nire familia existitzeak
And there are people who think that the existence of my family somehow undermines or weakens or damages their family. And there are people who think that families like mine shouldn't be allowed to exist. And I don't accept subtractive models of love, only additive ones. And I believe that in the same way that we need species diversity to ensure that the planet can go on, so we need this diversity of affection and diversity of family in order to strengthen the ecosphere of kindness.
bere familia ahuldu edo kaltetzen duela nolabait. Bada jendea uste duena nirea bezalako familiak ez liratekeela baimenduta egon beharko. Eta ez dut maitasun eredu kentzailerik onartzen, gehitzaileak bakarrik. Uste dut espezieen aniztasuna behar dugun eran planeta aurrera joango dela ziurtatzeko, familia eta maitasun aniztasuna ere behar dugula ontasunaren ekosfera indartzeko.
The day after our son was born, the pediatrician came into the hospital room and said she was concerned. He wasn't extending his legs appropriately. She said that might mean that he had brain damage. Insofar as he was extending them, he was doing so asymmetrically, which she thought could mean that there was a tumor of some kind in action. And he had a very large head, which she thought might indicate hydrocephalus.
Gure umea jaio eta hurrengo egunean, pediatra ospitaleko gelan sartu eta kezkatuta zegoela esan zigun. Umeak ez zituen hankak ondo luzatzen. Hori burmuineko kaltearen adierazgarri izan litzateke. Luzatzen zituenean, asimetrikoki egiten zuen, eta bere ustez tumore baten eraginagatik izan litzateke. Eta buru oso handia zuen, hidrozefalia adieraz zezakeena. Hau dena esan zidanean,
And as she told me all of these things, I felt the very center of my being pouring out onto the floor. And I thought, "Here I had been working for years on a book about how much meaning people had found in the experience of parenting children who were disabled, and I didn't want to join their number because what I was encountering was an idea of illness." And like all parents since the dawn of time, I wanted to protect my child from illness. And I wanted, also, to protect myself from illness. And yet, I knew from the work I had done that if he had any of the things we were about to start testing for, that those would ultimately be his identity, and if they were his identity, they would become my identity, that that illness was going to take a very different shape as it unfolded.
neure burua lurrean urtzen sentitu nuen. Pentsatu nuen; Hara, urtetan ibili naiz liburu bat idazten, jendeak zer gauza aurkitu dituen ume ezinduen guraso izatean, eta nik ez nuen euretako bat izan nahi. Aurkitzen nuena gaixotasunaren ideia bat zelako. Eta betidanik guraso guztiek nahi izan duten bezala, nire umea gaixotasunetik babestu nahi nuen. Neure burua ere gaixotasunetik babestu nahi nuen. Haatik, nire lanarengatik banekien umeak izango balu frogen bidez bilatuko genituen gauzaren bat, hura izango zela bere identitatea, eta bere identitatea bazen, nire identitatea ere izango zela, gaixotasuna forma desberdinak hartuko zituela hedatzean. Erresonantzia makinara, OTA tomografiara eraman genuen,
We took him to the MRI machine, we took him to the CAT scanner, we took this day-old child and gave him over for an arterial blood draw. We felt helpless. And at the end of five hours, they said that his brain was completely clear and that he was by then extending his legs correctly. And when I asked the pediatrician what had been going on, she said she thought in the morning, he had probably had a cramp.
egun bateko umea hartu eta odol arteriala har ziezaioten eman genuen. Babesgabe sentitzen ginen. Bost orduren buruan, esan zuten burmuina guztiz normala zuela eta hankak ondo luzatzen zituela. Eta pediatrari galdetu genionean zer gertatu zen, esan zigun goizekoa karranpak izango zirela.
(Laughter)
(Barreak)
But I thought --
Baina nik pentsatu nuen ene amak arrazoia zuela.
(Laughter)
I thought how my mother was right. I thought, "The love you have for your children is unlike any other feeling in the world. And until you have children, you don't know what it feels like.
Pentsatu nuen, umeenganako maitasuna ez du parekorik beste edozein sentimenduekin, eta umeak dituzunera arte ez dakizu zer den.
I think children had ensnared me the moment I connected fatherhood with loss. But I'm not sure I would have noticed that if I hadn't been so in the thick of this research project of mine. I'd encountered so much strange love, and I fell very naturally into its bewitching patterns. And I saw how splendor can illuminate even the most abject vulnerabilities.
Uste dut umeek harrapatu nindutela guraso izatea galerarekin lotu nuenean. Baina ez dakit hortaz konturatuko nintzatekeenik nire ikerketa proiektuan sakon sartu izan ez banintz. Hain maitasun arraro aurkitu dut, eredu liluragarri horietan amildu nintzela. Ikusi dut edertasunak zaurgarritasun gordinena argiztatu dezakeela.
During these 10 years, I had witnessed and learned the terrifying joy of unbearable responsibility, and I had come to see how it conquers everything else. And while I had sometimes thought the parents I was interviewing were fools, enslaving themselves to a lifetime's journey with their thankless children and trying to breed identity out of misery, I realized that day that my research had built me a plank and that I was ready to join them on their ship.
10 urte hauetan, ikusi eta ikasi egin dut ardura jasanezinaren poz izugarria, eta ikusi dut horrek beste dena garaitzen duela. Batzuetan elkarrizketatzen nituen gurasoak memeloak zirela pentsatu izan arren, bizitza osorako esker gutxiko umeen esklabo bihurtuz zoritxarra identitate bihurtzen saiatzen, ohartu nintzen ikerketak euskarri bat eman zidala eta euren ontzian sartzeko prest nengoela.
Thank you.
Eskerrik asko.
(Applause and cheers) Thank you.
(Txaloak)