As a student of adversity, I've been struck over the years by how some people with major challenges seem to draw strength from them. And I've heard the popular wisdom that that has to do with finding meaning. And for a long time, I thought the meaning was out there, some great truth waiting to be found.
Kao neko ko se zalaže za raznovrsnost, tokom godina me je pogađalo kako neki ljudi sa velikim izazovima kao da iz njih vuku snagu, i čuo sam popularnu mudrost da to ima veze sa iznalaženjem smisla. Dugo vremena, mislio sam da je smisao tamo, neka velika istina koja čeka otkriće.
But over time, I've come to feel that the truth is irrelevant. We call it "finding meaning," but we might better call it "forging meaning."
Ali tokom vremena, shvatio sam da je istina nebitna. Mi to zovemo nalaženjem smisla ali je bolje da to zovemo stvaranjem smisla.
My last book was about how families manage to deal with various kinds of challenging or unusual offspring. And one of the mothers I interviewed, who had two children with multiple severe disabilities, said to me, "People always give us these little sayings like, 'God doesn't give you any more than you can handle.' But children like ours are not preordained as a gift. They're a gift because that's what we have chosen."
Moja poslednja knjiga je bila o tome kako porodice uspevaju da se izbore sa raznim vrstama zahtevnog ili neobičnog potomstva, i jedna od majki koju sam intervjuisao, koja je imala dvoje dece sa višestrukim i teškim invaliditetima, rekla mi je: "Ljudi nam uvek daju male izreke poput: 'Bog nam ne daje više od onoga sa čime možemo da se izborimo,' ali deca poput naše nisu predodređena kao dar. Ona su dar jer smo mi to odabrali."
We make those choices all our lives. When I was in second grade, Bobby Finkel had a birthday party and invited everyone in our class but me. My mother assumed there had been some sort of error, and she called Mrs. Finkel, who said that Bobby didn't like me and didn't want me at his party. And that day, my mom took me to the zoo and out for a hot fudge sundae. When I was in seventh grade, one of the kids on my school bus nicknamed me "Percy," as a shorthand for my demeanor. And sometimes, he and his cohort would chant that provocation the entire school bus ride, 45 minutes up, 45 minutes back: "Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!" When I was in eighth grade, our science teacher told us that all male homosexuals develop fecal incontinence because of the trauma to their anal sphincter. And I graduated high school without ever going to the cafeteria, where I would have sat with the girls and been laughed at for doing so, or sat with the boys, and been laughed at for being a boy who should be sitting with the girls.
Te odabire pravimo celog života. Kada sam bio u drugom razredu, Bobi Finkl je imao rođendansku žurku i pozvao je sve u razredu osim mene. Moja majka je pretpostavila da je u pitanju neka greška, i pozvala je gđu Finkl koja je rekla da se nisam sviđao Bobiju i da me nije želeo na žurci. Tog dana, majka me je odvela u zoo vrt i na sladoled sa topljenom čokoladom. Kada sam bio u sedmom razredu, jedan klinac u busu za školu mi je dao nadimak "Persa" kao skraćenicu za moju pojavu, i on i njegova grupa bi ponekad skandirali taj naziv celom vožnjom do škole, 45 minuta do tamo i 45 nazad, "Persa! Persa! Persa! Persa!" Kada sam bio u osmom razredu, naš profesor biologije nam je rekao da svi muškarci homoseksualci dobijaju nemogućnost zadržavanja fekalija zbog povreda nanešenih analnom sfinkteru. Srednju školu sam završio a da nisam nikad otišao u menzu, gde bih seo sa devojčicama i smejali bi mi se zbog toga, ili bih seo s dečacima i smejali bi mi se jer sam dečak koji bi trebalo da sedi sa devojčicama.
I survived that childhood through a mix of avoidance and endurance. What I didn't know then and do know now, is that avoidance and endurance can be the entryway to forging meaning. After you've forged meaning, you need to incorporate that meaning into a new identity. You need to take the traumas and make them part of who you've come to be, and you need to fold the worst events of your life into a narrative of triumph, evincing a better self in response to things that hurt.
To detinjstvo sam preživeo kroz mešavinu izbegavanja i izdržljivosti. Tada nisam znao, a sada znam, da izbegavanje i izdržljivost mogu da budu početak stvaranja smisla. Nakon što ste smisao stvorili, morate ga integrisati u novi identitet. Morate uzeti traume i načiniti ih delom toga što ste postali i morate da oblikujete najgore događaje u životu u priču o trijumfu, pokazujući boljeg sebe kao odgovor na stvari koje bole.
One of the other mothers I interviewed when I was working on my book had been raped as an adolescent, and had a child following that rape, which had thrown away her career plans and damaged all of her emotional relationships. But when I met her, she was 50, and I said to her, "Do you often think about the man who raped you?" And she said, "I used to think about him with anger, but now only with pity." And I thought she meant pity because he was so unevolved as to have done this terrible thing. And I said, "Pity?" And she said, "Yes, because he has a beautiful daughter and two beautiful grandchildren, and he doesn't know that, and I do. So as it turns out, I'm the lucky one."
Jedna od majki koje sam intervjuisao dok sam radio na svojoj knjizi bila je silovana kao adolescentkinja i nakon silovanja je dobila dete, što je uništilo sve njene planove za karijeru i oštetilo sve njene emotivne veze. Ali kada sam je upoznao, imala je 50 godina, i pitao sam je: "Da li često misliš o čoveku koji te je silovao?" I ona je rekla: "O njemu sam mislila s besom, ali sada samo sa žaljenjem." Mislio sam da to kaže jer je on bio toliko necivilizovan da uradi tu groznu stvar. I rekao sam: "Sa sažaljenjem?" Ona je rekla: "Da, jer ima predivnu ćerku i dvoje predivnih unuka i ne zna to, a ja znam. Ispostavlja se da sam ja srećna."
Some of our struggles are things we're born to: our gender, our sexuality, our race, our disability. And some are things that happen to us: being a political prisoner, being a rape victim, being a Katrina survivor. Identity involves entering a community to draw strength from that community, and to give strength there, too. It involves substituting "and" for "but" -- not "I am here but I have cancer," but rather, "I have cancer and I am here."
Sa nekim od naših borbi smo rođeni: naš pol, seksualnost, rasa, invaliditet. Neke su stvari koje nam se dese: to što ste politički zatvorenik, žrtva silovanja, neko ko je preživeo Katrinu. Identitet znači ulazak u zajednicu kako biste iz nje izvukli snagu, i dali snagu. To znači menjanje "i" sa "ali" - ne: "Ovde sam, ali imam rak", nego: "Imam rak i ovde sam".
When we're ashamed, we can't tell our stories, and stories are the foundation of identity. Forge meaning, build identity. Forge meaning and build identity. That became my mantra. Forging meaning is about changing yourself. Building identity is about changing the world. All of us with stigmatized identities face this question daily: How much to accommodate society by constraining ourselves, and how much to break the limits of what constitutes a valid life? Forging meaning and building identity does not make what was wrong right. It only makes what was wrong precious.
Kada se stidimo, ne možemo da ispričamo naše priče, a priče su osnova identiteta. Stvarajte smisao, gradite identitet, stvarajte smisao, gradite identitet. To je postala moja mantra. Stvaranje smisla je menjanje sebe. Građenje identiteta znači menjanje sveta. Svi mi sa žigosanim identitetima se svaki dan suočavamo sa ovim pitanjem: koliko se prilagoditi društvu kroz ograničavanje sebe, i koliko prekoračiti granice onoga što podrazumeva opravdan život? Stvaranje značenja i građenje identiteta ne ispravlja pogrešno. Samo čini pogrešno neprocenjivim.
In January of this year, I went to Myanmar to interview political prisoners, and I was surprised to find them less bitter than I'd anticipated. Most of them had knowingly committed the offenses that landed them in prison, and they had walked in with their heads held high, and they walked out with their heads still held high, many years later. Dr. Ma Thida, a leading human rights activist who had nearly died in prison and had spent many years in solitary confinement, told me she was grateful to her jailers for the time she had had to think, for the wisdom she had gained, for the chance to hone her meditation skills. She had sought meaning and made her travail into a crucial identity. But if the people I met were less bitter than I'd anticipated about being in prison, they were also less thrilled than I'd expected about the reform process going on in their country. Ma Thida said, "We Burmese are noted for our tremendous grace under pressure, but we also have grievance under glamour." She said, "And the fact that there have been these shifts and changes doesn't erase the continuing problems in our society that we learned to see so well while we were in prison."
U januaru ove godine, išao sam u Mjanmar da intervjuišem političke zatvorenike, i iznenadio sam se što su manje ogorčeni nego što sam očekivao. Većina njih je svesno počinila zločine koji su ih doveli u zatvor, i ušetali su uzdignute glave, i izašli su uzdignute glave mnogo godina kasnije. Dr Ma Tida, vodeća aktivistkinja za prava ljudi koja je skoro umrla u zatvoru i provela puno godina u samici, rekla je da je bila zahvalna svojim tamničarima za vreme koje je imala da razmisli, za mudrost koju je dobila, za priliku da usavrši svoje veštine meditacije. Tražila je smisao i prošla kroz agoniju do ključnog identiteta. Ali ako su ljudi koje sam susretao bili manje ogorčeni nego što sam očekivao u vezi sa boravkom u zatvoru, takođe su bili manje uzbuđeni zbog procesa reformisanja koji se dešavao u njihovoj zemlji. Ma Tida je rekla: "Mi Burmanci smo čuveni po velikoj gracioznosti pod pritiskom, ali takođe nosimo žalost ispod glamura," rekla je, "i činjenica da su se desila ova pomeranja i promene ne briše stalne probleme u našem društvu na koje smo dobro navikli tokom boravka u zatvoru."
I understood her to be saying that concessions confer only a little humanity where full humanity is due; that crumbs are not the same as a place at the table. Which is to say, you can forge meaning and build identity and still be mad as hell.
Razumeo sam da je rekla da ustupci daju samo malo humanosti, gde je potrebna potpuna humanost, da mrvice nisu isto što i mesto za stolom, što znači da možete stvoriti smisao i izgraditi identitet i opet biti potpuno ludi.
I've never been raped, and I've never been in anything remotely approaching a Burmese prison. But as a gay American, I've experienced prejudice and even hatred, and I've forged meaning and I've built identity, which is a move I learned from people who had experienced far worse privation than I've ever known. In my own adolescence, I went to extreme lengths to try to be straight. I enrolled myself in something called "sexual surrogacy therapy," in which people I was encouraged to call doctors prescribed what I was encouraged to call exercises with women I was encouraged to call surrogates, who were not exactly prostitutes but who were also not exactly anything else.
Nikad me nisu silovali i nikada nisam bio u bilo čemu što je i blizu burmanskog zatvora, ali kao gej Amerikanac, iskusio sam predrasude i čak i mržnju, i stvarao sam smisao i gradio identitet, što je potez koji sam naučio od ljudi koji su iskusili daleko veću oskudicu od onoga što sam ja proživeo. U mojoj ranoj mladosti, išao sam do ekstrema da pokušam da budem strejt. Upisao sam se na nešto što se zvalo seksualna terapija surogatom, gde su osobe koje je trebalo da zovem doktorima prepisivale ono što je trebalo da zovem vežbama sa ženama koje je trebalo da zovem surogatima, koje nisu zapravo bile prostituke, ali koje nisu zapravo bile ništa drugo.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
My particular favorite was a blonde woman from the Deep South who eventually admitted to me that she was really a necrophiliac, and had taken this job after she got in trouble down at the morgue.
Moja omiljena je bila plavuša sa dalekog juga koja mi je na kraju priznala da je zapravo bila nekrofil i da je s tim poslom počela nakon što je upala u nevolju u mrtvačnici.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
These experiences eventually allowed me to have some happy physical relationships with women, for which I'm grateful. But I was at war with myself, and I dug terrible wounds into my own psyche.
Ova iskustva su mi na kraju dozvolila da imam neke zdrave fizičke veze sa ženama, za šta sam zahvalan, ali sam bio u sukobu sa sobom, i napravio sam ogromne rane mojoj psihi.
We don't seek the painful experiences that hew our identities, but we seek our identities in the wake of painful experiences. We cannot bear a pointless torment, but we can endure great pain if we believe that it's purposeful. Ease makes less of an impression on us than struggle. We could have been ourselves without our delights, but not without the misfortunes that drive our search for meaning. "Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities," St. Paul wrote in Second Corinthians, "for when I am weak, then I am strong."
Ne tražimo bolna iskustva koja klešu naše identitete, već tražimo svoje identitete uprkos bolnim iskustvima. Ne možemo trpeti besmislenu patnju, ali možemo izdržati velik bol ako verujemo da ima svrhu. Lakoća na nas ostavlja slabiji utisak nego patnja. Mogli smo biti mi sa svim zadovoljstvima, ali ne bez nesreća koje pokreću našu potragu za smislom. "Stoga, nalazim zadovoljstvo u slabostima", napisao je Sveti Pavle u Drugoj poslanici Korinćanima, "jer kada sam slab, onda sam jak."
In 1988, I went to Moscow to interview artists of the Soviet underground. I expected their work to be dissident and political. But the radicalism in their work actually lay in reinserting humanity into a society that was annihilating humanity itself, as, in some senses, Russian society is now doing again. One of the artists I met said to me, "We were in training to be not artists but angels."
1988, otišao sam u Moskvu da bih intervjuisao umetnike sovjetskog podzemlja i očekivao sam da njihova dela budu disidentska i politička. Ali radikalizam u njihovim delima zapravo je počivao u ponovnom stavljanju humanosti u društvo koje je uništavalo samu humanost, kao što rusko društvo, u nekom smislu sada ponovo radi. Jedan od umetnika koje sam sreo mi je rekao: "Nisu nas obučavali da budemo umetnici, već anđeli."
In 1991, I went back to see the artists I'd been writing about, and I was with them during the putsch that ended the Soviet Union. And they were among the chief organizers of the resistance to that putsch. And on the third day of the putsch, one of them suggested we walk up to Smolenskaya. And we went there, and we arranged ourselves in front of one of the barricades, and a little while later, a column of tanks rolled up. And the soldier on the front tank said, "We have unconditional orders to destroy this barricade. If you get out of the way, we don't need to hurt you. But if you won't move, we'll have no choice but to run you down." The artist I was with said, "Give us just a minute. Give us just a minute to tell you why we're here." And the soldier folded his arms, and the artist launched into a Jeffersonian panegyric to democracy such as those of us who live in a Jeffersonian democracy would be hard-pressed to present. And they went on and on, and the soldier watched. And then he sat there for a full minute after they were finished and looked at us, so bedraggled in the rain, and said, "What you have said is true, and we must bow to the will of the people. If you'll clear enough space for us to turn around, we'll go back the way we came." And that's what they did. Sometimes, forging meaning can give you the vocabulary you need to fight for your ultimate freedom.
1991, vratio sam se da vidim umetnike o kojima sam pisao, i bio sam s njima tokom puča koji je okončao Sovjetski savez, a oni su bili među glavnim organizatorima otpora tom puču. Trećeg dana puča, jedan od njih je predložio da odemo do Smolenskaje. I otišli smo tamo, i smestili smo se ispred jedne od barikada, i nešto kasnije, došao je niz tenkova, i vojnik u prvom tenku je rekao: "Imamo bezuslovna naređenja da uništimo ovu barikadu. Ako se sklonite sa puta, ne moramo da vas povredimo, ali ako se ne pomerite, nećemo imati izbora osim da vas pregazimo." Umetnici sa kojima sam bio su rekli: "Dajte nam samo minut. Samo minut da vam kažemo zašto smo ovde." Vojnik je sklopio ruke, a umetnik je krenuo u džefersonsku pohvalu demokratiji kakvu bi mi koji živimo u džeferskonskoj demokratiji teško izneli. I pričali su i pričali, i vojnik je posmatrao, onda je stajao tu ceo minut nakon što su završili i pogledao nas je, tako jadne na kiši i rekao: "To što ste rekli je istina, i moramo se povinovati volji naroda. Ako oslobodite dovoljno prostora da se okrenemo, vratićemo se tamo odakle smo došli." I to su i uradili. Ponekad, stvaranje smisla može da vam pruži potreban rečnik da se borite za krajnju slobodu.
Russia awakened me to the lemonade notion that oppression breeds the power to oppose it. And I gradually understood that as the cornerstone of identity. It took identity to rescue me from sadness. The gay rights movement posits a world in which my aberrances are a victory. Identity politics always works on two fronts: to give pride to people who have a given condition or characteristic, and to cause the outside world to treat such people more gently and more kindly. Those are two totally separate enterprises, but progress in each sphere reverberates in the other. Identity politics can be narcissistic. People extol a difference only because it's theirs. People narrow the world and function in discrete groups without empathy for one another. But properly understood and wisely practiced, identity politics should expand our idea of what it is to be human. Identity itself should be not a smug label or a gold medal, but a revolution.
Rusija me je osvestila od ružičastog uverenja da ugnjetavanje gaji snagu koja mu se suprotstavlja, i postepeno sam to shvatio kao okosnicu identiteta. Bio je potreban identitet da me spasi od tuge. Pokret gej prava pretpostavlja svet u kom su moje devijantnosti pobeda. Politika identiteta uvek funkcioniše na dva fronta: da da ponos ljudima kojima je dat problem ili karakteristika, i da uzrokuje da spoljni svet tretira te ljude sa više nežnosti. To su dva potpuno odvojena domena, ali napredak na svakom polju odjekuje na onom drugom. Politika identiteta može biti narcisoidna. Ljudi veličaju razliku samo zato što je njihova. Ljudi sužavaju svet i funkcionišu u diskretnim grupama bez saosećanja jedni za druge. Ali ako se razume kako treba i upražnjava na mudar način, politika identiteta bi trebalo da proširi naš pojam toga šta znači biti čovek. Sam identitet ne treba da bude uobražena etiketa ili zlatna medalja, već revolucija.
I would have had an easier life if I were straight, but I would not be me. And I now like being myself better than the idea of being someone else, someone who, to be honest, I have neither the option of being nor the ability fully to imagine. But if you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes, and we become attached to the heroic strain in our own lives. I've sometimes wondered whether I could have ceased to hate that part of myself without gay pride's technicolor fiesta, of which this speech is one manifestation.
Imao bih lakši život da sam bio strejt, ali ne bih bio ja, i sada se više sviđam sebi nego ideja da budem neko drugi, neko za koga, da budem iskren, nemam mogućnost da budem, niti sposobnost da ga potpuno zamislim. Ali ako proterate zmajeve proterujete i heroje, i postajemo vezani za ono herojsko u našim životima. Ponekad sam se pitao da li sam mogao da prestanem da mrzim taj deo sebe bez drečave pompe gej ponosa, čija je jedna manifestacija i ovaj govor.
(Laughter)
Mislio sam da ću znati da budem zreo
I used to think I would know myself to be mature when I could simply be gay without emphasis. But the self-loathing of that period left a void, and celebration needs to fill and overflow it, and even if I repay my private debt of melancholy, there's still an outer world of homophobia that it will take decades to address. Someday, being gay will be a simple fact, free of party hats and blame. But not yet. A friend of mine who thought gay pride was getting very carried away with itself, once suggested that we organize Gay Humility Week.
kada sam jednostavno mogao da budem gej bez naglašavanja, ali samoprezir tog perioda je ostavio prazninu i slavljenje mora da je napuni i prelije, i čak i kada otplatim svoj lični dug melanholije, još uvek postoji spoljni svet homofobije za čije rešavanje će biti potrebne decenije. Jednog dana, biti gej će biti jednostavna činjenica, bez obeležja i okrivljavanja, ali još uvek ne. Moj prijatelj koji je mislio da se gej ponos veoma zanosi sobom, jednom je predložio da organizujemo
(Laughter)
Nedelju gej poniznosti.
(Applause)
(Smeh) (Aplauz)
It's a great idea.
To je sjajna ideja,
(Laughter)
ali još nije vreme za nju.
But its time has not yet come.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
And neutrality, which seems to lie halfway between despair and celebration, is actually the endgame.
Neutralnost, koja se čini da leži na pola puta između očajanja i slavljenja, je zapravo poslednja runda.
In 29 states in the US, I could legally be fired or denied housing for being gay. In Russia, the anti-propaganda law has led to people being beaten in the streets. Twenty-seven African countries have passed laws against sodomy. And in Nigeria, gay people can legally be stoned to death, and lynchings have become common. In Saudi Arabia recently, two men who had been caught in carnal acts were sentenced to 7,000 lashes each, and are now permanently disabled as a result. So who can forge meaning and build identity? Gay rights are not primarily marriage rights, and for the millions who live in unaccepting places with no resources, dignity remains elusive. I am lucky to have forged meaning and built identity, but that's still a rare privilege. And gay people deserve more, collectively, than the crumbs of justice.
U 29 država u SAD, legalno bi mogli da me otpuste ili da mi odbiju boravak zato što sam gej. U Rusiji, zakon protiv propagande je doveo do toga da ljude tuku na ulici. 27 zemalja u Africi je izglasalo zakone protiv sodomije, a u Nigeriji, gej ljude legalno mogu kamenovati do smrti, a linčovanje je postalo svakodnevnica. U Saudijskoj Arabiji, dva muškarca koja su skoro uhvaćena u telesnom činu, kažnjena su sa 7000 bičevanja svaki, i sada su invalidi kao posledica toga. Ko onda može da stvori smisao i izgradi identitet? Gej prava nisu prvenstveno prava na brak, i za milione koji žive na neprihvatljivim mestima, bez resursa, dostojanstvo je nedostižno. Ja sam imao sreću da stvorim smisao i izgradim identitet, ali to je još uvek retka privilegija, i gej ljudi kao zajednica zaslužuju više od mrvica pravde.
And yet, every step forward is so sweet. In 2007, six years after we met, my partner and I decided to get married. Meeting John had been the discovery of great happiness and also the elimination of great unhappiness. And sometimes, I was so occupied with the disappearance of all that pain, that I forgot about the joy, which was at first the less remarkable part of it to me. Marrying was a way to declare our love as more a presence than an absence.
Ipak, svaki korak unapred je tako sladak. 2007, šest godina nakon što smo se sreli, moj partner i ja smo odlučili da stupimo u brak. Upoznavanje sa Džonom je bilo otkriće velike sreće i eliminacija velike nesreće, i ponekad sam bio toliko zauzet nestajanjem svog tog bola da sam zaboravio na radost, koja je isprva za mene bila manje izuzetna. Brak je bio način da izjavimo svoju ljubav više kao prisustvo nego odsustvo.
Marriage soon led us to children, and that meant new meanings and new identities -- ours and theirs. I want my children to be happy, and I love them most achingly when they are sad. As a gay father, I can teach them to own what is wrong in their lives, but I believe that if I succeed in sheltering them from adversity, I will have failed as a parent. A Buddhist scholar I know once explained to me that Westerners mistakenly think that nirvana is what arrives when all your woe is behind you, and you have only bliss to look forward to. But he said that would not be nirvana, because your bliss in the present would always be shadowed by the joy from the past. Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive at when you have only bliss to look forward to and find in what looked like sorrows the seedlings of your joy. And I sometimes wonder whether I could have found such fulfillment in marriage and children if they'd come more readily, if I'd been straight in my youth or were young now, in either of which cases this might be easier. Perhaps I could. Perhaps all the complex imagining I've done could have been applied to other topics. But if seeking meaning matters more than finding meaning, the question is not whether I'd be happier for having been bullied, but whether assigning meaning to those experiences has made me a better father. I tend to find the ecstasy hidden in ordinary joys, because I did not expect those joys to be ordinary to me.
Brak je uskoro doveo do dece, i to je dalo nova značenja i nove identitete, njihove i naše. Želim da moja deca budu srećna, i volim ih najbolnije kada su tužna. Kao gej otac, mogu da ih naučim da poseduju ono pogrešno u njihovim životima, ali verujem da ako bih uspeo da ih zaklonim od različitosti, podbacio bih kao roditelj. Budistički učenjak kojeg sam poznavao objasnio mi je da Zapadnjaci greše kada misle da je nirvana ono što dolazi kada je sav naš bol iza nas i možete da se radujete samo blaženstvu. Ali rekao je da to ne bi bila nirvana jer bi tvoja sadašnja blaženost uvek bila zaklonjena radošću iz prošlosti. Rekao je da je nirvana ono do čega dolaziš kada konačno imaš samo blaženstvo kome se raduješ i kada u onome što je izgledalo kao tuga nalaziš seme radosti. Ponekad se pitam da li bih našao toliku ispunjenost u braku i deci da su oni naišli spremnije, da sam bio strejt u svojoj mladosti ili da sam sada mlad, a ovo bi bilo lakše u oba slučaja. Možda bih mogao. Možda bi kompleksno maštanje kojim sam se bavio moglo da se primeni na druge teme. Ali ako je traženje smisla bitnije od pronalaženja smisla, pitanje nije da li bih bio srećniji što su me maltretirali, već da li je davanje značenja tim iskustvima od mene načinilo boljeg oca. Pronalazim sreću sakrivenu u običnim radostima, jer nisam očekivao da te radosti za mene budu obične.
I know many heterosexuals who have equally happy marriages and families, but gay marriage is so breathtakingly fresh, and gay families so exhilaratingly new, and I found meaning in that surprise.
Znam mnogo heteroseksualaca koji imaju jednako srećne brakove i porodice, ali gej brakovi su toliko zapanjujuće sveži a gej porodice toliko uzbudljivo nove, i našao sam smisao u tom iznenađenju.
In October, it was my 50th birthday, and my family organized a party for me. And in the middle of it, my son said to my husband that he wanted to make a speech. And John said, "George, you can't make a speech. You're four."
U oktobru je bio moj 50. rođendan, i moja porodica mi je organizovala žurku i u sred te žurke, moj sin je rekao mom suprugu da je želeo da održi govor, a Džon je rekao: "Džordž, ne možeš da održiš govor. Imaš četiri godine."
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
"Only Grandpa and Uncle David and I are going to make speeches tonight." But George insisted and insisted, and finally, John took him up to the microphone, and George said very loudly, "Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention, please?" And everyone turned around, startled. And George said, "I'm glad it's daddy's birthday. I'm glad we all get cake. And Daddy, if you were little, I'd be your friend."
"Samo deka i ujka Dejvid i ja ćemo večeras držati govor." Ali Džordž je insistirao, i konačno, Džon ga je doveo do mikrofona, i Džordž je rekao veoma glasno: "Dame i gospodo, moliću vas za pažnju." I svi su se okrenuli, iznenađeni. I Džordž je rekao: "Drago mi je da je tatin rođendan. Drago mi je da svi dobijamo tortu. I tata, kada bi ti bio mali, bio bih tvoj prijatelj."
(Gasp)
And I thought -- (Applause) Thank you. I thought that I was indebted even to Bobby Finkel, because all those earlier experiences were what had propelled me to this moment, and I was finally unconditionally grateful for a life I'd once have done anything to change.
I pomislio sam - hvala vam. Pomislio sam da dugujem čak i Bobiju Finklu jer su sva ta ranija iskustva bila to što me je poguralo do ovog trenutka, i konačno sam bio bezuslovno zahvalan za život za koji bih nekad dao sve da mogu da ga promenim.
The gay activist Harvey Milk was once asked by a younger gay man what he could do to help the movement, and Harvey Milk said, "Go out and tell someone." There's always somebody who wants to confiscate our humanity. And there are always stories that restore it. If we live out loud, we can trounce the hatred, and expand everyone's lives.
Gej aktivistu Harvija Milka je jednom pitao mlađi čovek, šta bi mogao da uradi da pomogne pokretu, i Harvi Milk je rekao: "Idi i reci nekome." Uvek je postojao neko ko želi da konfiskuje našu humanost, i uvek postoje priče koje je vraćaju. Ako živimo punim plućima, možemo izbiti mržnju i proširiti svačije živote.
Forge meaning. Build identity. Forge meaning. Build identity. And then invite the world to share your joy.
Stvarajte smisao. Gradite identitet. Stvarajte smisao. Gradite identitet. I onda pozovite svet da deli radost sa vama.
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
Thank you.
Hvala vam. (Aplauz)
(Applause)
Hvala vam. (Aplauz)
Thank you.
(Applause)
Thank you.
Hvala vam. (Aplauz)
(Applause)