Workplace romance can be a tricky topic.
辨公室戀情可能會是個棘手的問題。
(Music)
(音樂)
[The Way We Work]
[我們的工作方式]
How do we manage the boundaries between our personal and professional lives? How do we deal with gender imbalances and power dynamics in the workplace? There's a lot of gray area in workplace romance. I'd like to take a few minutes and answer some of your frequently asked questions.
我們如何去處理 個人與職場生活的界限呢? 又如何去處理職場中性別失衡 和權力角力的問題呢? 辨公室戀情存有許多灰色地帶。 我想花上幾分鐘 來回答一些大家常提出的問題。
So, question one: Should I date my coworker? Uh ... it depends. Do you want to date your coworker for a bit of fun? Do you want to date your coworker to hook up? Because then you're really better off on Tinder. If you want to date your coworker because you really, sincerely think you're falling in love with them or there's a real potential for a long-term, committed relationship, maybe you should date your coworker. Studies show that your coworkers are generally positive about it if they perceive that you're falling in love and genuinely care about each other. It's when your coworkers sense that something else is in play -- that can be disruptive.
問題一:我是否該與同事約會? 嗯……要看情況。 你與同事約會是為了開心嗎? 還是只想和同事玩玩? 如果是這樣你不如去 Tinder。 如果你想與同事約會 是因為你真心的愛上他, 或有一個長期潛在真誠的感情關係, 也許你該與那同事約會。 研究顯示,你的同事普遍會贊同, 只要他們認為你們已經墜入愛河, 同時真誠地彼此關懷。 但當你的同事察覺到 你們的感情並不單純, 那你可能會遇到阻礙。
Question two: Should I date my boss? In almost all cases, no, you should not date your boss, because now, you've got a power dynamic. When there's a relationship between a boss and a subordinate, it generates a lot of negative feelings, and the negative feelings tend to fall on the person who's lower on the totem pole. People usually assume some kind of favoritism, some kind of inside knowledge, and there can be resentment stirred up by that. There was a study published last year that suggested dating a superior can even have a negative impact on your career. The researchers asked third-party evaluators online to imagine that they worked at a law firm. They asked them to make recommendations on which employee should get picked for a special training program and which should get promoted to partner. They looked at credentials for imaginary employees, and when it was stated that an employee had been dating or was in a relationship with a superior, the evaluators were less likely to pick that person for the training program or the promotion, even if they had the exact same credentials as someone who wasn't dating their boss. The evaluators were also quick to dismiss their accomplishments.
問題二: 我是否該與上司約會? 在絕大多數的情況中, 你不應該與上司約會, 否則你將陷入動盪的權力漩渦。 上司與部屬發展戀情 會產生很多負面情緒, 那負面情緒大多發生在 權力較低的一方身上。 人們通常會出現某種偏袒, 和內在的常識, 因而激起怨恨。 去年的調查報告顯示, 與上司約會可能會 對你的職涯產生負面影響。 研究要求網路上的第三方評估員, 想像他們在一家法律事務所工作。 請他們建議哪個員工應該被推薦 參加特殊的訓練計畫, 以及誰該被晉升為合夥人。 他們看了虛構員工們的資歷, 同時被告知有一名員工 曾經與上司約會或有戀情時, 評估者們都不大願意讓 該名員工進入訓練計畫, 或者獲得晉升, 即使他們與其他人 有著完全一樣的資歷, 評估者很快就抹煞他們的貢獻。
Question three: Can I date someone who reports to me? Still a big no. You may not feel like you're really the boss, right? But you are, and there's a power dynamic there that's simply not there for other couples. If you really believe there is a sincere, honestly felt, personal connection that would be lasting and meaningful, one of you may need to move, and it shouldn't always be the person who's lower in the company pecking order.
問題三: 我是否該跟我的下屬約會? 依舊是否定的。 你也許不會感覺到 你真的是上司,對吧? 但你是,而你們之間存在的權力關係, 其他的伴侶卻沒有這個問題。 如果你確信這是種真誠的情感相連, 可導致有意義和長久的交往時, 那麼你們當中的一人,就需要離職, 而離開的也不應該總是下屬。
Question four: I've just started seeing a coworker. How do we handle things? I get this question a lot. "Are they dating? Are they not dating?" Don't keep it a secret. You don't have to make a big deal of it, but secrecy tends to be corrosive. People tend to see workplace couples as a coalition or a unit, so try to make it clear to your coworkers that you're not the same person; you love each other, but you are going to disagree.
問題四: 我剛見到一位員工與同事約會, 又應該如何處理呢? 這個問題我常碰到。 「他們是否在約會?」 你無需保守這個秘密。 也不必小題大作, 但保密常會帶來不好的影響。 人們通常會把職場伴侶 看成是一個聯合體。 因此你們需要向同事澄清, 說明兩人仍是獨立個體, 雖然相愛,但對事物的 看法不見得相同。
Question five: Why are coworkers often attracted to each other? Well, the obvious answer is people tend to be attracted to each other the more time they spend together. But there's another ingredient that has to be added: attraction tends to happen when there's work that demands close collaboration. So imagine you have a big group project with a tight deadline and you're working late nights and brainstorming ideas. You look up, and across the table, one of your colleagues throws out a really great idea. You may feel something, and that's natural. We call this task interdependence. It's a ripe ground for attraction. The second reason why people at work are attracted to each other is they may often be similar to each other. There's two old adages: "Birds of a feather flock together." And "Opposites attract." Well, the psychological research suggests ... birds of a feather flock together, and we like people who are like us.
問題五: 為什麽同事間經常會互相吸引呢? 顯而易見的答案是,人常會對 長時間接觸的人產生好感。 但還有另一個因素需要考慮: 在工作上需要緊密合作時, 就會產生互相吸引的力量。 想像一下,你有個大型團隊計畫, 已經臨近截止期限了, 一組人正在絞盡腦汁,直到深夜。 正當你向桌子對面望去, 某位同事抛出了一個很棒的主意。 你對他可能就有了好感,這很正常。 我們稱之為相互依賴。 這個成熟的時機造就了相互吸引。 第二個人們在工作中 互相吸引的原因, 是兩人經常感到跟對方的 行事為人很相近。 正好配合兩句古老的格言 「 物以類聚」與「異性相吸」。 心理學研究表明...... 相同羽毛的雀鳥會聚集一起, 我們人類也是。
Question six: My coworkers are flirting. I'm annoyed. What do I do? Some researchers argue that for people flirting at work, flirting is good and it boosts creativity. But my own research suggests things are different for people who are watching or who are subjected to the flirting. It can be awkward, right? Witnessing flirtation in the workplace creates a sense of not knowing the rules, not knowing what's going on, or maybe seeing something that you shouldn't be seeing. People who frequently witness flirting at work -- they actually report feeling less satisfied in their jobs, and they feel less valued by their company. They're more likely to give a negative appraisal of the work environment, and they may even consider leaving. For women, this association can be even stronger. This appears to be the case even when people report not being bothered by the flirting. It's true even when they say they enjoy it. So, a flirtatious environment really could be toxic.
問題六: 兩個同事在打情駡俏。 我覺得有點煩,怎麼辦? 一些研究顯示,在工作中 有打情駡俏的情況是好事, 可促進創造力。 但在我的研究裡, 這對於那些旁觀者 或被挑逗的人來說卻是另一碼事。 會感覺得很尷尬吧? 在職場中碰到打情駡俏, 讓人感覺不懂規矩, 也不知發生什麼事, 或許看見了些不該看到的事情。 經常在工作上遇見同事間調情的人 會反映自己對工作感到不太滿意, 並覺得公司不太看重他們。 他們容易給予工作環境負面評價, 甚至會考慮離職。 對女性的影響更甚。 這似乎是常態, 即使有些人認為打情駡俏 對他們沒有影響, 就算他們說自己享受其中也不例外。 事實上,有打情罵俏 存在的環境是有害的。
Question seven: Do I need a policy on workplace relationships? You certainly need a policy on a sexual harassment, and I think most HR departments recognize that. But for the kind of consensual behavior we've been talking about, it's a little different. As much as people in HR would love to wave a magic wand and say, "Thou shall not fall in love at work," it's just not realistic. Emotional connection and sexuality is who we are. I kind of want you to flip the script a little bit. I encourage HR to really think more broadly about their role in not necessarily stamping out office romance, because I don't think that's realistic, but how do I help create a workplace climate and culture where people feel respected for their individual contributions, not for their appearance or their gender, or their personal relationships? So the larger question is, how do you make sure people are valued and respected?
問題七: 我們是否需要訂立 職場戀情的規定呢? 關於性騷擾的規定一定要有, 大多數人事部門都認可這點。 但對於我們談論的兩廂情願行為, 那就有些不同。 人事部門會想魔杖一揮, 然後說:「職場上不應該談戀愛」, 真是太不務實了。 情感連結與性欲是人之常情。 我盼望你們從另一個角度去思考。 我鼓勵人事部門同事想法開放一點, 不必壓制職場上的戀情, 因為這種做法並不實際, 但我們又應該如何打造 職場的氣氛和文化, 使每個同事都感到 他作出的貢獻是受重視的, 並不是倚靠他們的外表或性別, 或人情關係? 更重要的問題是, 你該如何保證同事 受到重視且得到尊重?