Workplace romance can be a tricky topic.
Romansa na radnom mestu može biti nezgodna tema.
(Music)
(Muzika)
[The Way We Work]
(Način na koji radimo)
How do we manage the boundaries between our personal and professional lives? How do we deal with gender imbalances and power dynamics in the workplace? There's a lot of gray area in workplace romance. I'd like to take a few minutes and answer some of your frequently asked questions.
Kako postavljamo granice između ličnog i profesionalnog života? Kako se nosimo sa polnom neravnotežom i dinamikom snaga na radnom mestu? Mnogo je sivih zona kada govorimo o vezi na radnom mestu. Odvojiću nekoliko minuta i odgovoriti na neke od vaših često postavljenih pitanja.
So, question one: Should I date my coworker? Uh ... it depends. Do you want to date your coworker for a bit of fun? Do you want to date your coworker to hook up? Because then you're really better off on Tinder. If you want to date your coworker because you really, sincerely think you're falling in love with them or there's a real potential for a long-term, committed relationship, maybe you should date your coworker. Studies show that your coworkers are generally positive about it if they perceive that you're falling in love and genuinely care about each other. It's when your coworkers sense that something else is in play -- that can be disruptive.
Prvo pitanje: „Da li treba da izlazim sa svojim kolegom?“ Uh... zavisi. Da li želite da izađete sa kolegom zabave radi? Da li želite da izađete sa kolegom zbog neobavezne veze? U tom slučaju, bolje probajte sa Tinderom. Ako želite da izađete sa kolegom jer stvarno i iskreno mislite da ste se zaljubili, ili da postoji stvarni potencijal za dugoročnu i posvećenu vezu, možda bi trebalo da izađete sa njim. Istraživanja pokazuju da kolege u principu odobravaju to, ukoliko primete da ste zaljubljeni i da vam je zaista stalo jedno do drugog. Kada kolege osete da je nešto drugo u igri, to može biti ometajući faktor.
Question two: Should I date my boss? In almost all cases, no, you should not date your boss, because now, you've got a power dynamic. When there's a relationship between a boss and a subordinate, it generates a lot of negative feelings, and the negative feelings tend to fall on the person who's lower on the totem pole. People usually assume some kind of favoritism, some kind of inside knowledge, and there can be resentment stirred up by that. There was a study published last year that suggested dating a superior can even have a negative impact on your career. The researchers asked third-party evaluators online to imagine that they worked at a law firm. They asked them to make recommendations on which employee should get picked for a special training program and which should get promoted to partner. They looked at credentials for imaginary employees, and when it was stated that an employee had been dating or was in a relationship with a superior, the evaluators were less likely to pick that person for the training program or the promotion, even if they had the exact same credentials as someone who wasn't dating their boss. The evaluators were also quick to dismiss their accomplishments.
Drugo pitanje: „Da li treba da izlazim sa svojim šefom?“ U gotovo svim slučajevima, ne, ne treba da izlazite sa svojim šefom, zato što tu imate dinamiku moći. Kada postoji veza između nadređenog i podređenog, ona uključuje dosta negativnih emocija, a te negativne emocije često padnu na teret osobi koja je na nižem položaju. Ljudi često pretpostavljaju neki oblik pristrasnosti, neku vrstu dodatnih informacija, i mogu imati odbojnost prema tome. Jedno istraživanje, objavljeno prošle godine, pokazalo je da veza sa nadređenim može negativno uticati na vašu karijeru. Istraživači su pitali, onlajn, nezavisne ocenjivače da zamisle da rade u advokatskoj firmi. Od njih je zatraženo da preporuče koje kolege bi trebalo izabrati za specijalni program obuke, a koji treba da budu unapređeni u partnera. Pregledali su dosijee izmišljenih zaposlenih, i kada bi ustanovili da se zaposleni viđa, ili da je u vezi sa nadređenim, ređe bi birali tu osobu za program obuke ili unapređenje, čak i ako bi one imale iste akreditive kao neko drugi ko se nije viđao sa šefom. Ocenjivači bi takođe veoma brzo odbacili sva njihova dostignuća.
Question three: Can I date someone who reports to me? Still a big no. You may not feel like you're really the boss, right? But you are, and there's a power dynamic there that's simply not there for other couples. If you really believe there is a sincere, honestly felt, personal connection that would be lasting and meaningful, one of you may need to move, and it shouldn't always be the person who's lower in the company pecking order.
Treće pitanje: „Mogu li da se viđam sa nekim ko mi podnosi izveštaj?“ I dalje veliko ne. Ne osećate se baš kao šef, zar ne? Ali vi to jeste, i zbog toga postoji dinamika moći koja ne postoji kod drugih parova. Ako zaista verujete da postoji iskreno osećanje, bliska veza koja bi mogla da bude dugovečna i smislena, jedno od vas će možda morati da ode, i to ne bi trebalo uvek da bude osoba sa nižeg hijerarhijskog nivoa kompanije.
Question four: I've just started seeing a coworker. How do we handle things? I get this question a lot. "Are they dating? Are they not dating?" Don't keep it a secret. You don't have to make a big deal of it, but secrecy tends to be corrosive. People tend to see workplace couples as a coalition or a unit, so try to make it clear to your coworkers that you're not the same person; you love each other, but you are going to disagree.
Četvrto pitanje: „Upravo sam počela da se zabavljam sa kolegom. Kako da se nosimo sa tim?“ Često dobijam ovo pitanje. „Da li se oni zabavljaju? Ili ne?” Nemojte to držati u tajnosti. Ne morate od toga da pravite slona, ali tajnovitost ume da nanese štetu. Ljudi često vide parove na radnom mestu kao uniju ili celinu, zato pokušajte da razjasnite kolegama da vi niste jedna osoba; vi se volite, ali se nećete slagati oko svega.
Question five: Why are coworkers often attracted to each other? Well, the obvious answer is people tend to be attracted to each other the more time they spend together. But there's another ingredient that has to be added: attraction tends to happen when there's work that demands close collaboration. So imagine you have a big group project with a tight deadline and you're working late nights and brainstorming ideas. You look up, and across the table, one of your colleagues throws out a really great idea. You may feel something, and that's natural. We call this task interdependence. It's a ripe ground for attraction. The second reason why people at work are attracted to each other is they may often be similar to each other. There's two old adages: "Birds of a feather flock together." And "Opposites attract." Well, the psychological research suggests ... birds of a feather flock together, and we like people who are like us.
Peto pitanje: „Zašto se kolege često međusobno privlače?“ Očigledan odgovor na ovo pitanje je da ljude često privlače oni sa kojima provode dosta vremena. Ali uz to mora postojati još nešto. Privlačnost se dešava kada rad zahteva blisku saradnju. Zamislite da imate veliki projekat, sa kratkim rokom, i radite do kasno u noć, razmenjujete ideje. Pogledate, kad prekoputa vas, jedna od vaših koleginica da stvarno odličnu ideju. Možete osetiti nešto, što je potpuno prirodno. Mi to zovemo međuzavisnost zadatka. To je pogodno tlo za privlačnost. Drugi razlog zašto ljudi na poslu privlače jedno drugo je taj što su često veoma slični. Postoje dve stare izreke: „Svaka ptica svome jatu leti” i „Suprotnosti se privlače.” Psihološka istraživanja ukazuju... svaka ptica svome jatu leti, i mi volimo ljude koji su kao mi.
Question six: My coworkers are flirting. I'm annoyed. What do I do? Some researchers argue that for people flirting at work, flirting is good and it boosts creativity. But my own research suggests things are different for people who are watching or who are subjected to the flirting. It can be awkward, right? Witnessing flirtation in the workplace creates a sense of not knowing the rules, not knowing what's going on, or maybe seeing something that you shouldn't be seeing. People who frequently witness flirting at work -- they actually report feeling less satisfied in their jobs, and they feel less valued by their company. They're more likely to give a negative appraisal of the work environment, and they may even consider leaving. For women, this association can be even stronger. This appears to be the case even when people report not being bothered by the flirting. It's true even when they say they enjoy it. So, a flirtatious environment really could be toxic.
Šesto pitanje: „Moje kolege flertuju. To me nervira. Šta da radim?“ Neki istraživači tvrde da je za ljude koji flertuju na poslu to dobro i povećava kreativnost. Ali moje lično istraživanje ukazuje da su stvari malo drugačije za one koji to posmatraju i za one sa kojima se flertuje. Može biti malo čudno, zar ne? Prisustvovati flertovanju na poslu stvara osećaj da se ne znaju pravila, da se ne zna šta se tačno dešava, ili da ste možda videli nešto što nije trebalo da vidite. Ljudi koji su često svedoci flerta na poslu iskazuju da su manje zadovoljni na poslu, i imaju osećaj da ih njihova kompanija manje ceni. Češće daju negativne ocene radnom okruženju, i mogu čak razmišljati o otkazu. Za žene je ovo osećanje još snažnije. Ovo se dešava čak i u slučajevima kada ljudi kažu da im ne smeta flert. Isto je čak i kada kažu da uživaju u tome. Dakle, okruženje sa flertovanjem može stvarno biti toksično.
Question seven: Do I need a policy on workplace relationships? You certainly need a policy on a sexual harassment, and I think most HR departments recognize that. But for the kind of consensual behavior we've been talking about, it's a little different. As much as people in HR would love to wave a magic wand and say, "Thou shall not fall in love at work," it's just not realistic. Emotional connection and sexuality is who we are. I kind of want you to flip the script a little bit. I encourage HR to really think more broadly about their role in not necessarily stamping out office romance, because I don't think that's realistic, but how do I help create a workplace climate and culture where people feel respected for their individual contributions, not for their appearance or their gender, or their personal relationships? So the larger question is, how do you make sure people are valued and respected?
Sedmo pitanje: „Da li su mi potrebna pravila o vezi na radnom mestu?“ Svakako su vam potrebna pravila o seksualnom uznemiravnju, i mislim da većina odeljenja za ljudske resurse to prepoznaje. Ali za ovu vrstu dobrovoljnog ponašanja o kojoj smo pričali, malo je drugačije. Ma koliko bi ljudi iz ljudskih resursa voleli da mahnu čarobnim štapićem i kažu: „Ne zaljubljujte se na poslu,” to jednostavno nije realno. Emotivne veze i seksualnost je ono što smo mi. Ja nekako želim da malo preokrenete stvari. Ja podstičem ljudske resurse da razmišljaju šire o svojoj ulozi, a ne nužno o suzbijanju kancelarijske romanse, zato što mislim da je to nerealno, nego kako da stvorimo poslovnu klimu i kulturu gde se ljudi osećaju poštovano zbog svojih ličnih zasluga, a ne zbog svog izgleda, pola, ili ličnih veza. Veće je pitanje: kako osigurati da su ljudi cenjeni i poštovani?