OK, so my name is Amber Cabral, and I teach people how to be good humans. What that essentially comes down to is I work with a lot of well-recognized brands on something that is a pretty consistent challenge day-to-day. And what that really comes down to is: how do we help people who are different from one another experience a sense of belonging and support in the workplace? Now we've all had that moment. We've been at work and we're like, "Ah, I just don't feel like I fit here." And so I help organizations kind of start to figure out how to make the connections necessary for that to work.
我是安伯·卡布拉尔(Amber Cabral), 我的职业是教人们如何成为好人。 实质上,我是与许多知名品牌合作 共同应对日复一日的持续挑战。 归根结底是: 我们如何帮助彼此不同的人 在工作场所获得归属感和支持? 我们都曾经历过那种时刻。 我们一直在工作,却想说, “啊,我感觉自己不适合这里。” 因此,我帮助组织开始弄清楚 如何建立必要的联系, 使之发挥作用。
Now support sounds easy. Like we think we can just do that, because we do it all the time. We support people we love and care about. We support people that we think we understand, even if we don't know them. But when it comes to people that we, like, don't know at all or we don't have that connection with, well, then we kind of get a little weird about it. And what we really need to do is pay attention to those differences, because there's magic in those differences, there's something in there that we actually have an opportunity to learn and grow from. But we've kind of been taught to politely ignore when we're different from one another. We don't actually pay attention to it.
支持听起来很简单。 就像我们认为我们可以做到的那样, 因为我们总是这么做。 我们支持我们爱护和关心的人。 我们支持我们认为自己理解的人, 即使我们不认识他们。 但是,当涉及到那些我们根本不认识 或与之没有这种联系的人时, 然后我们就有点奇怪了。 我们真正需要做的是注意这些差异, 因为这些差异有神奇之处, 我们真正有机会从中学习和成长。 但我们被教导要礼貌地忽略, 当我们彼此不同的时候。 我们实际上并没有注意到这一点。 事实是:差异是不可避免的。
And here’s the thing: differences are inevitable. Look around this room. Think about your travel into this room today. You encountered all kinds of differences. We have different backgrounds, different ideas, different perspectives. We have different identities, we have different abilities, all of it. And it's going to continue to be that way forever. But we still have this moment where we want to pull back when differences happen. And what I want to encourage you to do is instead of pull back, maybe take a moment and notice those differences. And not so that it's awkward or weird. You know we try to do that thing where we see a thing, but we try to act like we don't see the thing. Like, don't do that! But definitely please, let's be aware of the differences, because the magic that's in those will help us move forward. And I'm going to give you some techniques based on just my own study and my own learnings that I think will help you be able to bridge some of those connections as we move forward, alright?
环顾这个房间。 想想你今天来到这个房间的过程。 你遇到了各种各样的差异。 我们有不同的背景、 不同的想法、不同的视角。 我们有不同的身份, 不同的能力,所有这些。 而这种情况将永远持续。 但仍有这样的时刻, 当分歧发生时,我们想撤退。 我想鼓励你做的是不要退缩, 不如花点时间关注这些差异。 这并不尴尬或奇怪。 你知道我们试图在看到事物 的地方做那件事, 但我们尽量表现得 好像看不见事物一样。 别那样做! 但是,请务必关注差异, 因为其中的魔力 将帮助我们向前迈进。 我将基于我自己的学习过程 以及所学知识给你分享一些技巧, 我认为这将帮助你在前行过程中 架起联系的桥梁,
So the first step ... The first step -- there are three. Let me warn you because sometimes we need to know that. Alright. The first step is to acknowledge that we all have some privilege. Now that word might have landed on some of you, like, ich. Right? But really. And I want to demonstrate it for you for just a moment. Did you wake up this morning with hot, clean running water? Did you think about it? Did you wonder if your shower was going to be your ideal temperature, or if you'd have clean water for your morning coffee or tea? Likely the answer is no. For most of us in this room. But I think we can all agree that access to water is indeed a privilege. In fact, a little more than a quarter of the world's population does not have access to safely managed drinking water at home. So while it might be our norm, it is indeed a privilege. And this is how privilege shows up. We don't see it. It's regular to us. It's a part of who we are. We don't even think about it. But if we take a moment and we actually pay attention, what being aware of our privilege does for us is it helps us to see where we have access. It helps us see where we have ease. And access and ease give us power. Something as simple as being able to speak the language of our communities gives us privilege, and that privilege gives us power.
第一步, 三步中的第一步。 我提醒你,有时候我们 需要知道这一点。 第一步,承认我们都有一定的特权。 特权可能已经 存在于你们每一个人身上, 对吧?的确是。 我想给大家示范一下。 你今天早上醒来时喝了 又热又干净的自来水吗? 你可曾想过? 你想知道你的淋浴 是否会是你理想的温度吗? 或早上喝咖啡或茶时是否有干净的水? 答案可能是否定的。 对于这个房间里的大多数人来说。 但我认为,我们都会同意, 获得水的确是一种特权。 实际上,全世界有大约超过 四分之一的人口 无法在家中获得安全的饮用水。 因此,尽管这可能是我们的常态, 但它确实是一种特权。 特权就是这样表现出来的。 我们感觉不到, 这些对我们来说是正常不过的。 这是我们本质的一部分。 我们甚至没想过。 但如果我们花点时间真正关注一下, 意识到特权对我们有什么帮助, 它帮助我们看到我们可以到达的地方。 它可以帮助我们了解哪里可以轻松自在。 通达和安逸赋予我们力量。 一些简单的事情, 比如能够说我们社区的语言 赋予了我们特权, 而这种特权赋予了我们力量。
So you may be wondering: how do I figure out my privileges if they're regular? They're everywhere. OK, let me give you a simple question you can ask yourself. What about me or my experience might someone look at and consider to be typical? It could be my upbringing. It could be the language I speak. It could be the way my body works. It could be my style of dress. It could be any of those elements. But it's hidden in the things that we think of as everyday and regular. That's where we're going to find our privilege.
你可能想知道: 如果我的特权是常规的, 我该如何发掘? 他们无处不在。 我来问你一个简单的问题, 你可以问自己。 关于我或我的经历, 也许有人认为是典型的特权? 它可能是我的成长经历。 它可能是我说的语言。 它可能是我的身体运作方式。 它可能是我的着装风格。 可能是这些元素中的任何一个。 但它隐藏在我们认为 日常和规律的事情中。 这就是我们的特权所在。
So that leads me to the second step. The second step is we need to be willing to recognize the differences in folks and want to get to know them across those differences. Let me learn about your experiences so that I can develop empathy for you. That learning about the experiences part, it's not just so that we can be curious. We love stories, alright? That's great. Keep loving the stories. But also getting to know about folks' experience gives us a bit of perspective that we might not otherwise have. And so what we want to think about is, you know, considering the impact that having those kinds of connections can show for us.
因此,这使我进入第二步。 第二步,我们需要 承认人与人之间的差异, 并通过这些差异来了解他人。 让我了解一下你的经历, 这样我就能对你产生同理心。 关于经验的学习部分, 不仅仅是为了让我们感到好奇。 我们喜欢故事,对吗? 太棒了,继续喜欢这些故事。 但是,了解人们的经历 也为我们提供了一些 原本可能没有的视角。 因此,我们要考虑的是, 你知道,拥有这些联系对我们的影响。 即使举一个简单的例子,
Even as a simple example, I mentioned we struggle to connect across differences. But think about this: a couple days ago, maybe a month ago, I saw online where Snoop Dogg, yes, the rapper Snoop Dogg, posted on his LinkedIn -- which why he's on LinkedIn, I have no idea --
我想说,我们很难跨越差异建立联系。 但想想看: 几天前,大概一个月前, 我在网上看到了史努比·狗狗, 是的,说唱歌手史努比·狗狗 在他的领英上发帖—— 这就是他在领英上的原因, 我不知道——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
That he really valued his relationship with Martha Stewart. Now most of us have seen that relationship, and if we're being honest, we kind of notice that there's some differences between them that make that connection kind of unlikely, right? OK. But you know what? He pointed out specifically, “I learn so much from this friendship. I get so much value out of this relationship." And it was the willingness of being able to connect across differences that most of us would kind of politely ignore, or would assume were not available to us. So learning about the experiences of others is about hearing the stories. Yes, but it's also about having empathy and connection, and being able to broaden our view.
他真的很重视 与玛莎·斯图尔特的关系。 现在我们大多数人 已经看到了这种关系, 说实话,我们会注意到 它们之间存在一些差异, 这使得这种联系不太可能,对吧? 好吧。但是你知道吗? 他特别指出:“我从这种友谊中 学到了很多东西。 这段关系对我很有价值。” 跨越差异建立联系的意愿, 总是被大多数人会礼貌地忽视, 或认为我们无法实现。 因此,了解他人的经历就是聆听故事。 这也关乎同理心和人际关系, 并能拓宽我们的视野。
Now I have another example where this happens, and this is the workplace, because I care a lot about how this shows up in the workplace, because we all, you know, at least for now, until the AI gets us, have to go into the workplace.
还有另一个例子说明了这种情况, 这就是工作场所, 因为我非常在意这种情况 在工作场所的表现方式, 因为,至少就目前而言, 在人工智能引入之前, 我们都必须进入工作场所。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
OK, so when we're thinking about the workplace, one of the things that always happens is interviews. I've had this conversation with a lot of my clients because clients are always thinking about how are we attracting and retaining talent. They’re always thinking about specifically Black folks, brown folks, young folks. And we want to make sure that we're bridging those connections. But we know that our workplaces aren't always inviting to those diverse identities.
所以当我们考虑工作场所时, 面试是经常发生的事情之一。 我与很多客户进行了这样的交谈, 因为客户们一直在考虑, 如何吸引和留住人才。 他们总是特别考虑 黑人、棕色人种、年轻人。 我们想要确保正在构建这些连接。 但是我们知道, 我们的工作场所并不总是 能吸引这些不同身份的人。 现在我的客户们听到的是通道问题。
Now what my clients hear is a pipeline problem. But what I hear is an empathy problem. I'll give an example of what that looks like. Candidates go into an interview. One of the questions is, "I'd like you to tell me about how you navigate ambiguity." Most of the candidates tell a story about working in a previous position, having to solve a problem, not having a lot of resources or information, making some educated guesses and ultimately solving said problem amazingly. Alright? Creating a fantastic new product. We've heard this story. We work with those people. OK, great. But there's one candidate, and when that question hits them, what they do is they tell a story about a 1989 Honda Accord. It's a car that their father gave them before they went away to college. And it ran great. But the gas gauge didn't work. So they talk about -- feels real, right?
但我听到的是同理心问题。 我举一个例子 来说明它是什么样子。 候选人参加面试。 问题之一是, “我想让你告诉我 你是如何处理分歧的。” 大多数候选人 讲述了在以前的工作职位, 必须解决的一个问题, 没有可供决策的充足资源或信息, 并最终出人意料地解决问题的故事。 创造一款出色的新产品。 我们听了这些故事。 我们与这些人合作。太棒了。 但是有一位候选人, 当他们遇到这个问题时, 他讲了一个 1989 年 关于本田雅阁的故事。 这是他们上大学之前 父亲送给他们的车。 车子行驶得很好。 但是油表坏了。 所以他们谈论 —— 感觉很真实,对吧?
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Y’all know this person, too. So the gas gauge didn't work. So they had to develop a process to make sure that they were able to track their miles so that they would know when they needed to fill up again. Right? They had to navigate the ambiguity of having no idea what was in their gas tank and make sure that they didn't run out of gas, and they managed to do that. "I track my miles so that I know exactly when I need to fill up, so that I don't have to worry about running out of gas." How often would we hear a story like that in the workplace and discount that person? How often would we dismiss or not even consider the candidate because they didn't give us a business example, or we didn’t hear it as a culture fit. When if we’re really honest with ourselves, the candidate with the Honda Accord not only navigated the ambiguity of not having any gas in the car, they also did something in their day-to-day life. It wasn't just for work. This is one of the things I had to figure out how to do to survive. It's innate. It's in my body. Think about if we considered it that way. Think about if we considered getting to know folks' stories and having empathy for them as a part of the way that we evaluate where they have an opportunity to thrive and grow, instead of just listening for the things that we always listen for.
你们也认识这个人。 因为汽油表坏了。 因此,他们必须开发一个流程 以确保能够追踪里程, 这样他们才能知道 何时需要再次加油。 对吧? 他们必须克服不知道 油箱里有多少油的不确定性, 确保汽油不会被耗尽, 他们设法做到了。 “我会追踪里程,这样就能 确切地知道什么时候需要加油, 就不用再担心汽油用完了。” 我们经常会在工作场所 听到这样的故事, 然后对那个人不屑一顾? 我们经常会解雇或忽略那些侯选人, 因为他们没有列举商业榜样, 或者我们听起来不契合文化。 如果我们诚实面对自我, 本田雅阁的候选人不仅克服了 车内没有汽油的不确定性, 而且在日常生活中也做了一些事情。 这不只是为了工作。 这是我必须弄清楚 关乎生存的事情之一。 它与生俱来,就在身体里, 想想我们是不是这样思考的。 想想我们是否思考去了解他人的故事, 并对他们产生共情, 这是评估他们在哪里会有机会 茁壮成长的一部分, 而不仅仅是倾听 我们一直在倾听的东西。
That leads me to the third step. OK? The third step is extending your privilege to others. So I have another story. I was on a call the other day with a client. She is the head of HR for a pretty big company. It was she and I and one of her colleagues on the call. And as we were having the discussion, about 10 minutes in, she chimes in and says, "Wait, I'm going to hop off for a moment. I need to go change my top. I'll be back." A few minutes pass by. She returns to the call, and she's in a plain black shirt. She's taken her earrings off, makeup's gone.
这就引出了第三步。 第三步是将您的特权扩展到其他人。 我将讲述另一个故事。 前几天我正在和一个客户通电话。 她是一家相当大公司的人力资源主管。 她和我以及她的一位同事一起通话。 当时我们正在进行讨论时, 大 约 10 分钟后, 她插话说: “稍等,我要离开一会儿。 我得去换上衣,稍后回来。” 几分钟过去了。 她穿着一件纯黑衬衫回来接电话。 她摘下了耳环,卸了妆。
So I ask, like, "Why'd you change clothes?"
因此我问她, “你为什么要换衣服?”
She says, "Oh, I'm getting my home appraised today. So I'm actually going to pretend to be the cleaning lady, and my neighbor across the street is going to come over and pretend to be me. She's white."
她说:“哦,今天我的房屋要做评估。 所以我得假装自己是清洁女工, 街对面的邻居会过来假扮我。 她是白人。”
I'm nodding my head because I know what's going on. The colleague on the call says, "Wait, what do you mean? I don't understand."
我点点头,我知道发生了什么。 电话中的同事说: “等等,这是什么意思? 我不明白。”
So my client proceeds to explain about the stories about Black folks' homes being appraised for less when there's evidence that the homeowners are Black.
因此,我的客户继续解释 在有证据表明房主是黑人的情况下, 房屋的估值会降低。
The colleague on the call is, like, almost outraged. Like, "What? Is that a real thing? I can't believe this is happening."
通话中的同事差点被激怒了。 “什么?那是真的吗? 我简直不敢相信会发生这种事。”
Meanwhile, I am feeling grateful to the neighbor for being able to identify her privilege, for being able to empathize with my client, and for being willing to extend the privilege of her race in that situation.
这一刻,我很感激这位邻居 能够认清自己的特权, 能够同情我的客户, 也感谢她愿意 在这种情况下扩展种族特权。
The three steps that I just covered with you are what most of us want when we think about support. I want someone to identify their privilege. I want somebody to actually hear my circumstances and experience, and empathize with me. And then I want you to extend your privilege respectfully and impactfully in the ways that you're able to in that relationship.
我刚才向大家介绍的三个步骤 是我们大多数人在考虑支持时想要的。 我想有人能清楚他们的特权。 我希望有人能真心 聆听我的处境和经历, 并与我共情。 我期待你能本着尊重和 有影响力的方式扩展你的特权, 以你在人际关系中所能做到的方式。
Now I have a little secret. A confession, if you will. There is a word I've been avoiding in this conversation. So I mentioned at the top of this, you know, dialogue that I work with lots of well-recognized brands. And what I didn't tell you is that the work I do is DEI, or diversity, equity and inclusion. And the word that I’ve been avoiding is “allyship.” The three steps that we just talked through is what allyship looks like in action. Now I'll be honest, I avoided it because I just wanted you to hear my talk. I know right now the media is all the rage. DEI is dying, right? And allyship is on its way with it. But I want us to just for a moment consider that maybe allyship isn't grand historical gestures or another big program, or huge financial commitments. I mean, we need those too, but --
我还有一个小秘密。 如果你们接受的话我就坦白了, 在这次讲话中, 我一直在回避一个词。 我在讲话的开头提到了 我与许多知名品牌的合作。 我没有告诉你的是, 我所做的工作是DEI, 或者说多元化、公平和包容性。 而我一直回避的词是“同盟关系”。 我们刚才讨论的三个步骤 就是盟友关系在行动中的样子。 说实话,我避开这个词 是因为我只是想要你们听我的演讲。 我知道这个词在媒体上正风靡。 DEI 快消失了,对吧? 同盟关系即将风靡。 但我希望大家都考虑一下, 同盟关系可能不是宏大的历史姿态, 也不是另一个重大计划 或巨额的财务承诺。 我们也需要这些,但是——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
It doesn’t have to just be that. It doesn't have to just be those really big, visible things. It can be the small things, the things that we see and encounter every day. Allyship is understanding that the system is such that the way your neighbor is experiencing a home appraisal and the way you might be could be different, and being willing to step in and interrupt that impact. It could also be recognizing that access to job opportunities isn't necessarily fair just because you got in. It's left-handed scissors. It's considering food allergies. It's being willing to accept correction when you mispronounce someone's name or misgender them. It's all of those things that you encounter every single day. And I think when we think of it as just the big things, we miss an opportunity to step into what we independently, individually have the ability to do to be allies.
不仅仅是这些。 它不一定只是那些非常大的、 可见的东西。 它可以是小事情, 也可以是我们每天看到 和遇到的事情。 对同盟关系的系统理解是这样的, 你的邻居体验房屋评估的方式 可能和你会有所不同, 并且愿意介入并中断这种影响。 这也可能是认识到, 因为仅有你获得了工作机会, 过程不一定公平。 它是左手拿剪刀。 它是对于食物过敏的思考。 是当你念错了某人的名字或性别错误时, 愿意接受更正的意愿。 它是你每天都会遇到的所有事情。 我认为,当我们把它看作是大事时, 我们就会错过一个机会 无法独立、自主地成为盟友。
And I know that word may still not sit well with a lot of you. But whether you call it support, love, friendship, solidarity, whatever you'd like to call it, let's start taking the kinds of everyday actions that really bring it to life.
我知道你们很多人可能 仍然不太喜欢这个词。 但是,无论你称之为 支持、爱、友谊、团结, 无论你想怎么称呼它, 让我们开始采取日常行动, 真正将其变为现实的日常行动。
Thank you.
谢谢。
(Applause)
(掌声)