I'd like to talk to you today about a whole new way to think about sexual activity and sexuality education, by comparison. If you talk to someone today in America about sexual activity, you'll find pretty soon you're not just talking about sexual activity. You're also talking about baseball. Because baseball is the dominant cultural metaphor that Americans use to think about and talk about sexual activity, and we know that because there's all this language in English that seems to be talking about baseball but that's really talking about sexual activity. So, for example, you can be a pitcher or a catcher, and that corresponds to whether you perform a sexual act or receive a sexual act. Of course, there are the bases, which refer to specific sexual activities that happen in a very specific order, ultimately resulting in scoring a run or hitting a home run, which is usually having vaginal intercourse to the point of orgasm, at least for the guy. (Laughter) You can strike out, which means you don't get to have any sexual activity. And if you're a benchwarmer, you might be a virgin or somebody who for whatever reason isn't in the game, maybe because of your age or because of your ability or because of your skillset. A bat's a penis, and a nappy dugout is a vulva, or a vagina. A glove or a catcher's mitt is a condom. A switch-hitter is a bisexual person, and we gay and lesbian folks play for the other team. And then there's this one: "if there's grass on the field, play ball." And that usually refers to if a young person, specifically often a young woman, is old enough to have pubic hair, she's old enough to have sex with. This baseball model is incredibly problematic. It's sexist. It's heterosexist. It's competitive. It's goal-directed. And it can't result in healthy sexuality developing in young people or in adults. So we need a new model. I'm here today to offer you that new model. And it's based on pizza. Now pizza is something that is universally understood and that most people associate with a positive experience. So let's do this. Let's take baseball and pizza and compare it when talking about three aspects of sexual activity: the trigger for sexual activity, what happens during sexual activity, and the expected outcome of sexual activity. So when do you play baseball? You play baseball when it's baseball season and when there's a game on the schedule. It's not exactly your choice. So if it's prom night or a wedding night or at a party or if our parents aren't home, hey, it's just batter up. Can you imagine saying to your coach, "Uh, I'm not really feeling it today, I think I'll sit this game out." That's just not the way it happens. And when you get together to play baseball, immediately you're with two opposing teams, one playing offense, one playing defense, somebody's trying to move deeper into the field. That's usually a sign to the boy. Somebody's trying to defend people moving into the field. That's often given to the girl. It's competitive. We're not playing with each other. We're playing against each other. And when you show up to play baseball, nobody needs to talk about what we're going to do or how this baseball game might be good for us. Everybody knows the rules. You just take your position and play the game. But when do you have pizza? Well, you have pizza when you're hungry for pizza. It starts with an internal sense, an internal desire, or a need. "Huh. I could go for some pizza." (Laughter) And because it's an internal desire, we actually have some sense of control over that. I could decide that I'm hungry but know that it's not a great time to eat. And then when we get together with someone for pizza, we're not competing with them, we're looking for an experience that both of us will share that's satisfying for both of us, and when you get together for pizza with somebody, what's the first thing you do? You talk about it. You talk about what you want. You talk about what you like. You may even negotiate it. "How do you feel about pepperoni?" (Laughter) "Not so much, I'm kind of a mushroom guy myself." "Well, maybe we can go half and half." And even if you've had pizza with somebody for a very long time, don't you still say things like, "Should we get the usual?" (Laughter) "Or maybe something a little more adventurous?" Okay, so when you're playing baseball, so if we talk about during sexual activity, when you're playing baseball, you're just supposed to round the bases in the proper order one at a time. You can't hit the ball and run to right field. That doesn't work. And you also can't get to second base and say, "I like it here. I'm going to stay here." No. And also, of course, with baseball, there's, like, the specific equipment and a specific skill set. Not everybody can play baseball. It's pretty exclusive. Okay, but what about pizza? When we're trying to figure out what's good for pizza, isn't it all about what's our pleasure? There are a million different kinds of pizza. There's a million different toppings. There's a million different ways to eat pizza. And none of them are wrong. They're different. And in this case, difference is good, because that's going to increase the chance that we're having a satisfying experience. And lastly, what's the expected outcome of baseball? Well, in baseball, you play to win. You score as many runs as you can. There's always a winner in baseball, and that means there's always a loser in baseball. But what about pizza? Well, in pizza, we're not really -- there's no winning. How do you win pizza? You don't. But you do look for, "Are we satisfied?" And sometimes that can be different amounts over different times or with different people or on different days. And we get to decide when we feel satisfied. If we're still hungry, we might have some more. If you eat too much, though, you just feel gross. (Laughter) So what if we could take this pizza model and overlay it on top of sexuality education? A lot of sexuality education that happens today is so influenced by the baseball model, and it sets up education that can't help but produce unhealthy sexuality in young people. And those young people become older people. But if we could create sexuality education that was more like pizza, we could create education that invites people to think about their own desires, to make deliberate decisions about what they want, to talk about it with their partners, and to ultimately look for not some external outcome but for what feels satisfying, and we get to decide that. You may have noticed in the baseball and pizza comparison, under the baseball, it's all commands. They're all exclamation points. But under the pizza model, they're questions. And who gets to answer those questions? You do. I do. So remember, when we're thinking about sexuality education and sexual activity, baseball, you're out. Pizza is the way to think about healthy, satisfying sexual activity, and good, comprehensive sexuality education. Thank you very much for your time. (Applause)
今天我要给大家介绍一种 通过比较方法 得出的对性行为和性教育的全新认识 如今当你和美国人谈论 性行为, 很快就会发现你们谈的不光是 性行为 你们也在谈论棒球 因为棒球是美国人用来 思考和谈论性行为的 主流文化暗喻 大家都心知肚明 这些英文字眼 听起来像是在谈棒球 但其实是在谈性行为 比方说,你可能是一名“ 投手” 或是 “ 捕手” 这其实是指你是 主动性行为者还是被动性行为者 当然,还有“ 垒”, 暗指按具体顺序进行的 某个具体的性行为, 最终达到了“ 跑垒成功” 或者“ 本垒打” 的效果, 这通常是指进行阴道性交 达到了高潮 至少对男生来说 (笑声) 你可以”三振出局“ 意味着您今天没爱可做 如果您是一位“ 板凳队员” 您可能是一个处女(子)或者处于某种原因 还未能“ 参赛” 也许是您的年龄或是能力 或是技巧 “ 球棍” 指的是阴茎 而“ 球员休息区” 则暗指阴道 “ 捕手的手套” 指的是安全套 而“ 左右全能的击球手” 是“ 双性恋” 而我们“ 男女同性恋” 则是为对手卖力的 还有一个 “如果地上有草,就玩球吧。” 而这实际上指的是 如果一个年轻人,特别是一个年轻女孩儿 已经成熟到长阴毛的话 她也就是可以有性行为 这个棒球模式是很有问题的 它带有性别歧视和性取向(对同性恋)歧视。 它充满了竞争和太具有目的性。 而且这个模式无法推进健康性生活 在年轻人或者成年人中的发展 所以我们需要一个新的模式 我今天来就是为大家提供那个新模式的 它的基础是 披萨饼 披萨嘛,全世界都知道 而且大多数人都把它跟美好的经历联系起来 那么我们开始吧 让我们把棒球和比萨饼放在一起 比较一下下面关于性行为的三个方面 性行为的开端 性行为过程中发生了什么 以及性行为的预期结果 请问大家什么时候可以打棒球 通常是在赛季 有赛程安排才能打 这不是你自己可以选择的 如果碰巧有舞会或婚礼 或者有开派对又或者是你父母不在家 嘿,抓紧时间,好好打吧 你能想象跟教练说, “ 恩,我今天没感觉 我想我就不参加这次的比赛了。“ 根本没门儿 而且当大家聚到一起打棒球的时候 马上就会出现两个对立的球队 一队进攻,一队防守 总有人试图往球场里更进一步 通常是指男孩儿 总有人试图阻止其他人往球场内移动 通常是指女孩儿 这是一种竞争 我们不是和彼此一同游戏 我们是在和彼此竞争 而且当你打棒球的时候 没有人需要告诉你我们下步做什么 或者这场棒球赛对我们有好处 所有人都知道规则 你就站到自己的位置开始比赛就行 那你什么时候吃披萨呢 当你饿了想吃披萨的时候就吃 这首先始于一种内在的感受、渴望或是需求 “恩。我想要吃披萨。” (笑声) 而且因为这是一种内在的渴望 我们其实是可以控制它的 我可以决定我饿了 但也知道现在不是吃饭的最佳时刻 然后当我们和别人一同吃披萨的时候 我们不是在和他们竞争 我们在寻找一种 彼此能够分享的 让双方都感到满足的体验 当你和某人一同吃披萨的时候 你们做的第一件事是什么 你们会先谈一谈 你们谈论想要什么 你们谈论喜欢什么 你们甚至会商量一下 “你觉得意式辣香肠披萨如何?”(笑声) “没什么感觉,我自己更喜欢蘑菇多点的。” “那么,也许我们可以一半一半?” 即使你和某人在一起吃披萨 已经很久了 你难道不会说, “还是老三样儿?” (笑声) “或者也许这次吃点新鲜的?” 好,当你打棒球的时候 如果我们谈谈性行为的过程 当你打棒球的时候 你只不过需要按照既定的正确顺序 把每个垒都跑一遍 你不能击了球然后想右边跑 这行不通 而且你也不能在到了二垒的时候说 “我觉得这儿挺好的。我就待在这里了。” 不行 而且,当然,对于棒球,你需要 有特定的装备和技术 不是每个人都能打棒球的,这项运动非常挑剔 好的,但是披萨呢? 当我们想要弄明白吃什么披萨好的时候, 这不就是关于什么让我们快乐吗 这里有上百万种不同的披萨 有上百万种不同的陷料 也有上百万种不同的吃法 没有一个是错误的,它们只是不同罢了 在这种情况下,不同是好的 因为这会增加我们 获得满意体验的几率 最后,棒球比赛的期望的结果是什么 你比赛是为了赢 你尽全力得分 在棒球比赛中总有一个胜者 这就意味着总会有一个失败者 但是披萨呢 吃披萨的时候 没有输赢。你怎么能赢披萨? 你不会。但你确实会问 “我们满意吗?” 而且满意的程度会根据 不同的时间或者和不同的人或者 不同日子而不同 而且我们可以自己决定何时感到满足 如果我们还有些饿,我们可以再多吃些 如果你吃得太多,那么 你就感觉有些恶心了 (笑声) 那么如果我们把这个披萨模式 应用到性教育上会怎样呢 当今非常多的性教育 深受棒球模式影响 这让性教育无法帮助年轻人甚至 造成不健康的性行为 而那些年轻人又变成老一辈 但是如果我们可以创造 类似于披萨模式的性教育 来启发人们 思考他们自己的渴望 深思熟虑自己想要什么 和他们的另一半谈论性 然后最终寻找的并不单纯是 外在的结果 而是什么让我们感觉满足 我们有决定权 你也许已经注意到了 在棒球模式和披萨饼模式的比较中 棒球模式里全都是指令 全都是惊叹号 但是在披萨饼模式中都是问题 谁来回答那些问题呢? 你和我 所以,请记住,当我们思考 性教育和性行为的时候 棒球模式已经过时了 披萨饼模式才是我们思考健康 满足的性行为 以及正确、全面的性教育的真正王道 谢谢大家 (掌声)